Sorry to have made so many posts, this is all so new and I have so many questions….
My partner is still in the MBU and today, thank God, seemed to show a little improvement (medication has been doubled). She has started swearing quite commonly, not even in anger but in simple conversation. This really is not like her. Yes the odd swear word would slip out occasionally previously (pretty much the ‘norm’ I guess), but it’s very, very common in her speech now. It’s not a ‘good look’ and I’m hoping it stops as she improves. Has anyone else encountered this?
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FlorenceHoliday
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Post away, that's why we're here. If I had had this forum back when I had PP, I probably would've worn out my welcome.
I'm sure our administrators will have some great official input here. I do know that it's a well known phenomenon that people with brain injuries and certain nervous system conditions such as Tourette's syndrome will seem to lose their filter when it comes to cursing, when they never did such a thing before. People who are having psychotic episodes also do things they may not normally do, and that's why PP can be so dangerous. As I said to you in a previous post, psychosis makes you into a person you are not. Your partner may be attempting to express her distress and this is how it's coming out. Or her brain is simply processing things differently than you are used to. The last time I was hospitalized, I remember there being a girl there who was clearly in some kind of manic and psychotic state. I'm a friendly person, and she was sitting alone at a table in the dining area, so I sat down with her and said hi. She began to laugh hysterically. She laughed and laughed and laughed, maniacally, and didn't stop. It was loud and it bothered not only me but everyone in the room. Eventually the staff intervened and removed her to another area. I don't think this woman was always like that, although I never had a chance to find out. Mental illness does some really wild things to your brain.
I wonder if it might be helpful to think of your partner as being in a childlike state right now. When you speak to a child, you don't expect the same level of speech and understanding that you do of an adult. Temper your expectations with your knowledge of her illness. Speak to her as you always have, because she IS an adult, but remember that what she says or seems to understand may just be off right now. This is not her fault, and it is temporary. Remember that it could take a little while for your partner as you knew her to re-emerge. If all goes well and she responds well to treatment, you could see improvement in a matter of weeks. She may continue to struggle off and on for months. It could be 1-3 years before things truly iron out altogether. No one can say, because everyone is different, and treatment for PP has had relatively little research. Stay steady, and continue to hope for the best. She may do better and then seem to relapse again. That's the nature of this illness.
One thing that's been helpful for me over the years is the phrase, "This too shall pass." Just knowing that what we're experiencing right now is only temporary has helped me put one foot in front of another until the next day comes. Some days are just awful. So write it off, tear it up, throw it in the bin, and go to bed. Get up the next day and try for a better one. If the days right in front of you don't seem survivable, think farther ahead. One day she will leave the hospital. One day you'll have a happy Christmas at home with your child looking forward to Santa. One day your child will go to college. All of this will be behind you then. You CAN get through this. Keep looking forward.
Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I see now just how much I need to change my ‘calibration’ and, as you say, take one step at a time and hold onto ‘this too shall pass’.
I am also a partner of someone who had postpartum psychosis.
Its so great to hear that your partner is showing some signs of improvement and is getting cared for in the MBU.
My wife also swore a lot and became verbally aggressive even towards me and others whom she loves. It was very hard to understand and I can remember thinking "the one person who I would usually confide in is not here at the moment (and doesn't seem to like me)", but she did come back.
As @survivedwithcolor and others say, please know that you WILL come through this as a family. During a crisis like this, time seems to get distorted and it seems absolutely impossible that things could ever be different, but somehow they will be. One of the things that I found very difficult was the fact that recovery can be very non-linear and "two-steps-forward-one-step-back" but over the longer term, its still recovery.
I saw in one of your earlier posts that you had concerns about bonding with your baby. That's totally understandable and you are juggling a LOT with work and getting there to see your partner and baby. But you're doing it. Just the fact that you are even concerned about bonding with the baby tells me that you WILL bond. Despite what all the dogma says, bonding takes place over the long term just by showing up and caring, as you are doing.
Hi Phil, thanks so much, your reply has really helped. Hearing from your own experience of your loved one seeming to hate you suddenly is exactly how I feel on occasion when she has an outburst. It’s so tough to cope with it emotionally when the person you love and that is your whole world, suddenly seems to dislike you, and all those loving moments and amazing memories you shared seem gone forever. The support shown here by yourself and others is helping so much, I can’t begin to convey just how much I appreciate it.
There is no need to apologize, just the opposite, this forum exists for answering questions, sharing experiences and supporting each other. I am glad that you have found this forum useful and your dedication to helping your wife is so commendable.
Psychosis comes in many cases with a complete loss of inhibition. In my case, I would make very inappropriate comments to the nurses and doctors looking after me in the MBU and the psychiatric ward where I initially stayed. All of them untrue, but I had no filter in me. I behaved so out of character that I could not recognize myself looking back. I also experienced a loss of control of what I was saying. My mother tongue is Spanish and when I was very unwell I would mix Spanish and English and talk so fast that no bilingual speaker could follow me.
Be certain that the MBU doctors and nurses have seen your wife's behaviour before in other mums and are no stranger to it. They have an idea of your wife's personality from talking to you rather than from observing her unwell.
I am glad that you are seeing some sign of progress already, that is so positive so early on and it shows that she is responding to the treatment. My medication was also increased quite early on, till I reached the maximum, it was needed in my case but it is not necessary for every mum. Keep on talking to the staff in the MBU and ask for updates and advice on how she is doing. It is very positive to establish a good relationship with them as you have been doing, do trust that she is in the best possible place at the moment.
I am so sorry again that you are going through this, but do take solace in that she will recover from it and that she will get back to herself.
Thank you Maria, it was really good to hear your own experiences regarding how your own linguistics were altered by the psychosis, this is really useful for me to have in mind and accept it is a transient symptom.
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