Getting back into work

[Zebrawhite]

Hi

I'm trying to get back into work following pp, but I am worried I might get overwhelmed. Has anyone else had to get a job pp and found an employer who was understanding? Has anyone got any tips about minimising stress job hunting/in a new job? What has your experience been like?

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Zebrawhite,

I think you will find many mums here who went back to work following pp. Sometimes there was a change of role, sometimes the same job, sometimes flexible or reduced hours or another compromise that made the transition easier. Having said that, pp is life altering and picking up from where we left before going on maternity leave feels completely at odds with the person we are now. Looking into options is healthy as well as listening to what you really want to do.

I was one of the mums that went back to work after some time, partly out of necessity and partly because work is a part of my personality. However, I do reduced hours now and I look after my level of stress, keeping a balance is important to me. I have giving up on pushing for a career and I am content with a job that pays the bills and where I interact with people that enrich my day.

I have found managers to be very compassionate when I have explained my history. You can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, there is no right or wrong there. Thankfully my experience in the workplace has been a good one, and more and more people open up about mental health, which breaks some of the stigma.

Take very good care, wishing you all the best,

Maria

[Pikorua Volunteer in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Beautifully written dearest Maria, and I completely agree that we need to adjust to our needs, but that means getting to know ourselves again after PPP and ongoing recovery as in our case with a chronicle mental health condition. Sometimes individuals do not understand how exhausting it is to ride the continuous mood waves of BP1.

In addition, I completely agree that we do change after PPP, much more drastic than gradual life development through time, age and experience. Trauma certainly has a complete different effect.

I could not go back to the life I have had before BP working in HE. I do find the most understanding people are on the path of therapeutic avenues and in the field of MH, charities and other organisations.

I am most happy to do projects at my own pace. Doing everything in stepping stones and arranging my own timetable, thus, routine and focus of goals do change.

Priority is keeping my health on top in order to be there for my son and partner.

Take care my friend and hope this message helps also others when reading.

xxx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Pikorua]

Thank you dear friend, you give such good advice and write so lovely.

Maria

[WonderWomanUK]

I’ve done my KIT (keep in touch days) and go back next week into the same role I had before maternity leave. I’ve shared almost nothing with my colleagues but have with my manager (I had contacted her while I was very unwell).

I feel like I had a lot of support. But equally like Maria_at_APP says, a completely different person.

I am fortunate to have accrued a lot of holiday and using this to have a phased return to work. I plan to go back 4 days a week but won’t be working 4 days until January!

A whole other level to this is the mum guilt of putting my little girl in nursery but I know she’ll enjoy it, will just take some getting used to for us all.

Advice I’ll be giving myself in the next few weeks heading back to work is:

- take it easy

- try not to stress, but if am, share the load

- share as much or as little as I want

- embrace the new me

I hope heading back to work goes well for you!

[Survivedwithcolor in reply to WonderWomanUK]

I have a background in teaching young children and put my own children into nursery and preschool when I was working, and after I had PP, even when I wasn’t working. I really needed that time for my own mental health. Based on my knowledge of early childhood development and education, I didn’t worry at all about having my children go to daycare or preschool during the day, as long as the people looking after them are loving and caring, and the environment safe and full of enrichment activity. Children do well when their horizons are expanded! There are always exceptions for children with different needs, but I don’t think you need to feel bad about having time away from your daughter. She will enjoy the activity and socialization and it will be good for her. You will get time to be you and that’s healthy for you mentally. Good luck!

[WonderWomanUK in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

Thank you for your kind words! I know deep down it will be great for her, just the initial change!

Thanks again !

[38andTTC]

I went freelance during my pregnancy and will be doing the same thing (communications) from next week onwards. It means I can choose my hours and doesn’t feel like “all or nothing” ie if I start back and want a bit more time, I can take a few weeks off or work less hours for a while. Is this an option you too could consider?

Before I became unwell, I thought I’d have a career change at this point in my life, but there has been so much rupture and stress in my life so very recently that I’m giving myself a break and returning to what I know. As others have said, I feel so different and so much has changed that it’s comforting to keep something familiar in my life.

[Survivedwithcolor]

I have shared before, I tried to return to work but it was just too soon and I wasn’t well enough. My job was stressful and ultimately I had to resign. However, in the years since I have done other things. I ended up starting a small business of my own and running that for ten years. There’s no reason not to try to return to work, but if you can’t stay healthy doing it, know that you can reinvent yourself and do other things that work better for your new state of being.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Zebrawhite,

I responded to Maria. Just want to say, that your needs take priority, reflecting on what you want, listening to your inner voice and not comparing it with others or focusing on expectations. It is OK to re-scaffold skills or even to let go of what was previously part of your survival tactics. Unpeeling, re-adjusting, learning and feeling is all good. Life can be beautiful!

Kind wishes, all in stepping stones and at your own pace. xxx

[KatMax]

Hi Zebrawhite,

I tried to go back to my job I had before PPP, but I was in-person full time and in charge of a lot of people. I could not do it and resigned after a month. Since then, I have found myself a hybrid position where I’m remote 4 days a week, and in-person on Wednesdays. At first I thought I would feel lonely, and did a little bit. But after a while I realized that working remotely gave me the freedom to do so much more with my time, and I have been needing that without ever realizing it. And still, having that one day a week in the office (I might scale up to two) is an important part of the job for me, and makes me feel more in touch and part of the community. I have not disclosed anything with my employer other than that “I had a really traumatic post partum experience.” I take days off when I need to but do not make it about my ppp. Maybe one day I will but haven’t felt the need to so far. I’ve been in this new role for a year, this September.

Good luck to you. You got this!