Hi all
I am still struggling with some bizarre delusions. Is anyone willing to share their experience of what they believed to be true when they were having their psychotic episode? The narrative of mine changed quite a few times, and I struggle to make sense of it. I just want to feel normal again and thought hearing other people's experiences might help me feel less alone.
hi Zebrawhite,
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, recovering after pp can take time and years later for me it’s hard to patch together what happened.
I had all sorts of delusions, I thought every song on the radio, every magazine advert, tweet etc was aimed directly at me. I thought I could ‘heal’ people - I was in an and e for 12 hours and for part of it I kept wandering and talking to people. I thought I’d been pregnant with twins but the second baby had only just come out (2 weeks after having my daughter). I wasn’t, I only had the one baby, I got put in a mental health ward away from my daughter, but kept asking to see ‘my baby’ .
I’m sorry you feel alone in this, we are here on the forum. Are you still under any professionals who you can talk to?
I had to piece together what had happened to me and I had to speak to a few people including the staff on the ward I was on to get the full picture.
Maybe writing about what delusions you experienced, and hearing others might help you. Your not alone here.
Take care
Rachel k
I am under care of a mental health team and have a meeting with them soon. Thank you for your reply. My pp started after I thought messages were being sent to me online and I tried to send messages back. I went through various beliefs, but the persistent ones are that someone is tracking me and my baby, and something has been done to my body to stop me from being able to die.
Did anyone else experience anything like this?
Hi Zebrawhite,
I'm sorry these delusions are lingering for you, it's so difficult when our reality has been pulled from beneath us.
I too had rapidly changing thoughts and beliefs - some were pretty abstract (I was language, I was colour), some seemed to be influenced by books I'd read and films / TV programmes I'd watched, especially sci-fi... I believed I was Mother Earth and 'the chosen one' in some way, that everything in my life so far had led me here (this madness in a room in an MBU) and I needed to figure out why in order to be able to leave...
As the acute psychosis settled, the paranoia and utter confusion took time to shift, but things gradually got better and clearer.
Keep talking to your team, do tell them these thoughts are still bothering you. Keep talking to those around you. I had to make an effort sometimes to bring myself back to the moment and not let my mind drift, I hope you can find some ways to help you feel more grounded when things feel particularly unsettled. And do write here whenever it helps - know you're not alone and that in time you'll feel like you're back on solid ground.
Sending very best wishes,
Jenny x
Thank you Jenny. I can relate to the feeling like the chosen one too. At one point I thought I was supposed to do something to help save mankind. I also remember some conversations I had with other patients and felt like they were actors trying to test me in some way. I still can't make sense of some of the conversations. One lady told me I was under hypnosis and she could take me to another hospital to be hypnotised in some other way. It's all really confusing and I still feel like I'm supposed to work out what it all means.
I am finding it hard to accept I might never make sense of it all but have to move on regardless.
Yes I had to do something to save mankind too… A lot of the time I didn’t know if I was awake or dreaming as it all felt so real but unreal at the same time. So much was going on in my head then I’d do something like jump out of bed, spin around and shout “ta-daaaaa” - it made total sense to me at the time.
I steered clear of the other patients in the MBU - having conversations like that must have been all the more confusing for you. I also believed the patients and staff were all actors and everything was some kind of test.
I think it’s so difficult and exhausting trying to make sense of something that just doesn’t make sense. I did find writing down what I could remember helpful, and my husband over time has helped me to order some of the events or correct things I thought I’d said or done that I hadn’t.
I think trying to understand and make sense of things is all part of processing the experience and that takes time. There will be things we’ll never make sense of but hopefully in time you’ll reach a place of acceptance and peace. In the meantime, be super gentle with yourself and know we’re here to listen.
Sending love,
Jenny x
Alcohol
Homesick for another world 
How were you treated by others when you had PP? 
