Really upset

[pinkladystar]

Went for a new job as I was feeling quite confident things were going well and so went and got really good feedback and was told it was positive and have been dragged down the garden path that I had got the job and then today my manage asked if I had heard anything which I hadn't and she said they have been leading you on you were amazing at interview but not ready at this time for the role you applied for.I still haven't been told by the manager who did my interview.

I am so upset that my vulnerability has been used and they haven't been open with me. This has really upset me and has knocked me back can't stop crying. Just want the world to swallow me up.cant do this no more. Seems like I am going forward and there's always something that knocks me back down

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi pinkladystar,

I’m so sorry you’ve had this knock back and are feeling so upset. I know it can be so stressful going to job interviews and it takes a lot to go through that process. I’m really sorry you’ve heard you didn’t get the job when you were made to think you had.

It is such an achievement that you put yourself out there and did so well, please don’t underestimate that. You should be very proud of yourself.

You are moving forward and have come so far. You may have been knocked back but keep fighting, you can get through this.

Take good care and do reach out if you need to talk tonight, Samaritans are always there on 116 123.

Sending love and hugs,

Jenny xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi pinkladystar,

I am sorry to read that you were feeling so upset yesterday after the news that you did not get the job and that they were not upfront with you. Job interviews are dreaded for a reason, it is putting yourself out there and it is very uncomfortable. But I am so glad you did it, regardless of the outcome it shows how well you were doing and how brave of you.

Perhaps when you are feeling stronger and more calm, send an email to the interviewer asking for feedback, that may give you closure and it can be a learning chance. Not ready at this time can mean just gathering some more experience and there may be other open positions or your current one that will give it to you.

Do write here when you need it, pinkladystar, we are all routing for you.

Maria

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi pinkladystar

I'm so sorry you've been unsuccessful with this job, it's especially hard that they made you believe you had been successful as well.

It's so good that you had confidence to go for the job, and obviously did so well at the interview, to come so close to getting to the job. This is such an amazing achievement, especially given everything you have been through, you should definitely feel really proud of yourself.

I hope too that you might be able to get some feedback about the interview, and that will help you.

I'm so glad you felt able to reach out to us, as others have said, we are routing for you, take care,

Ellie

[Survivedwithcolor]

I've been meaning to reply to you the last couple days and got busy. I wonder if you've had a chance to think a little bit more about the situation and if you reached out to anyone on the hiring team asking for feedback? Some years ago, I worked in the Human Resources department of a manufacturing company, and my job was to screen people and interview them for the hiring process. I did a lot of interviews during that time, and can tell you that the job selection is based on many different things, not all of which have to do with you. Interviewing for a job feels very personal because they are talking to you specifically and it does feel like a rejection when you weren't chosen. Almost everyone feels that way when they don't get the job, that's very normal. But behind the scenes, it may be that there was another applicant who simply fit the job description a little bit better than you did. Applicants for a job come from all different backgrounds and everyone is different. Personalities are different, work styles are different, experience and education is different, goals are different, and on and on. The hiring manager is looking for the applicant who will be the best fit for the position, who will bring something more to that position, who will work best with others around that position, who will be in a position to move forward from that job. Sometimes you can have a really GREAT applicant, but there is someone who just fits the job a little bit better. I saw that MANY times. In fact, I WAS that applicant for a few years when I first started working. I went into a career field that was already saturated and it took me almost three years to land a job. I was completely qualified and wanted the job desperately - but not the person they chose. It was beyond discouraging and I spent many a day in tears and frustration.

They did tell you, you said, that they thought you had an amazing interview but weren't ready for the job yet. There's actually some good news in that, I think. First of all, hiring teams don't use the words "amazing interview" unless they really think you did well. That tells me that they see something good in you and they see a future for you. As hard as it may be to understand, they may actually have done well by you in not giving you the job just yet. If they put you into a job that they KNOW you're likely to struggle in, you won't do well. It will be hard for you and it will be hard for them. They might even have to let you go over it, or demote you. It wouldn't end well for anyone. They know the job very well and they want the person in it to succeed. By making sure you are totally ready, they are setting you up for success once you get there. That might take more time and I know that's frustrating. But it does sound to me like they value you and are hoping you'll do well for them in other capacities right now, and perhaps more later.

Let me know what they say, I've been thinking of you. Hugs - I know it's not easy. Try to reassure yourself that you're not a failure, because you’re not! You’ve survived PP and that’s amazing in itself. Eventually the rest of your life will fall into place again, give it time.