3 years on

[taramag]

Hello there,

You might remember me as the mama trying to post about the positive changes after surviving pp and getting the support and treatment I needed to process it all.

The above said in the voice of Troy Mclure from the Simpsons (iykyk)

Well I’ve just celebrated my daughter’s 3rd birthday, and the 7th March was my anniversary of being sectioned in a general psychiatric ward without my baby! Something Northern Ireland are working on but still an absolute outrage for me, my family and friends and APP!

I wrote a wee blog post about what it meant to make this anniversary (if you search on this forum for my posts, on HealthUnlocked I really struggled with a lot of it as did my hubby) his post was Shellshockedhubby but I can’t find it it was so long ago lol!

This post needs a huge trigger warning, it’s hard to read, please take care and reach out if you feel it’s triggered something!

Reflections on Resilience: My Journey Through Postpartum Psychosis daydotjournals.com/blogs/un...

After my first child I didn’t realise I lost myself a little, then after my second and pp I knew I wasn’t me anymore but also that the pp almost changed me to reflect and stop more.

Intrusive thoughts still get to me, but now I have an understanding and a “psycho education” which helps me with triggers and process stuff. I also kind of feel like pp was a ticking time-bomb for a busy hectic mummy, who never took time for herself, never reflected on how she felt and struggled more internally than she’d ever admit!

I’ll never say it was a blessing (f**k that thank you very much) but it has taught me and my family something I continue to share with others… maybe I had to go through it so I could break down the stigma around it and talk about it? Maybe that’s an intrusive thought from too many self help books and podcasts 🤣💓

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hello taramag, thank you for sharing this and letting us in your reflections. Certainly as we cannot change the past (oh, it would be so nice) reframing it positively (those podcasts!) but without white-washing is such a brave, wise and self compassionate approach. You take really good care of yourself, always remembering you

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello taramag

Love your blog 💝 which I think will resonate with mums who didn’t have the benefit of MBU care but thankfully we made it!!

I felt emotional reading your reflections in the psychiatric unit. It reminded me of my times there. I had been in a few mixed general psychiatric wards and when I ‘came round’ realised there were far more very unwell patients there. I spent many nights listening to their weeping and cries for help and cried with them. Like you ... I had lost myself.

I’m so happy to read how much you have celebrated the good times since your recovery. Your PP forum post on your anniversary was very insightful, beginning “PP is only a blip in our lifetime ..... which reminded me of the “Only Fools and Horses” sketch where Del consoled Rodney when things went wrong, saying, “It’s just a dropped stitch in life’s tapestry”. For me, all these years on, that tiny box we carry is now lighter. As in the lyrics of “I can see clearly now” by Jimmy Cliff .... “it’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day”.😊

Keep shining taramag ... you are such a kind, caring soul, as are all PP mums. We are Giants!!

Take care. 🦋

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hi Taramag

I certainly lost myself after having post partum psychosis but I eventually grew stronger and a better version of myself emerged.

I have so much more empathy for people who are struggling.

I'm afraid I have never been very brave in breaking the stigma as I don't tend to mention it to employers etc. - but who knows, maybe some day.

I am sure many people on the forum feel differently about their experience but I feel that everything I have been through is part of me. I don't regret any of it and I really feel it has given me a greater insight into the world. I was blessed to have access to an MBU, I am so sorry that you couldn't access one.

Lots of exercise, choosing good friends/avoiding people who are not good for me, continues to keep me well.

I was less ambitious after psychosis. I didn't want to burn myself out again. But being less ambitious and being content with your lot is a good thing, hey?

Delighted to hear your daughter has turned 3, mine has just turned 21.