I'm heart broken 💔 😢

[pinkladystar]

Today I had an appointment with my peer support lady and it was so nice to see her after a couple of weeks. We had a nice chat. And then that's when it changed and I was in floods of tears. I am losing my peer support lady. I understand the reasons why nothing to do with me. That doesn't stop me from feeling numb and heart broken 💔. This lady is an angel send from above and she is the reason I am still here today she has brought me from rock bottom several times and with out her I would have been dead !!!!!.I dunno what I am going to do. Sat her crying my eyes out and haven't stopped since I was told the news xx

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP]

Oh pinkladystar I am so so sorry to read this. That is heart-breaking that your peer support person is moving on. They sound like they have been such a huge support to you.

Hopefully you might find another peer supporter, in time, is that an option do you know? I am sure at the moment they will feel completely irreplaceable and you'll no doubt feel devastated. But in time, perhaps you could ask. Right now, it'll feel so sad for you, but this too shall pass.

Please know that we're all here to support you too, although I know its not the same as someone face to face, a lot of people here really care, so please do keep writing. We're here for you too.

Rachel x

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

No there isn't a possibility of having another peer support worker. But I don't think I could do it having some one else. Jo has been amazing and she is the reason I'm alive today.I appreciate that you are all here to support me but I just dunno what I'm gonna do

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to pinkladystar]

Take one step at at time is what we’re going to do Pinkladystar. You’re not alone. Today sounds like a really really sad day.

I accessed peer support just like you, so I know just how important people are and how valued they become when they’re with you. The kindness of someone means everything doesn’t it.

I’ll message tomorrow too, thinking of you lots. I promise you’re not alone. This too shall pass.

Rachel x

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

Hi Rachel yes it was I'm numb,I'm heart broken I just don't know how I am going to come to terms with it.i know I'm not losing her till October but even so I dunno what I'm gonna do. When she told me today it was like my heart had beeb removed and I know she said to Me her legacy should continue and the promise I gave her will still stand. But I just feel like because she's never gonna see me again the promise doesn't mean anything because she won't know if I'm alive or dead

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi pinkladystar

Oh I'm so sorry, this is very hard. It is amazing what a difference Jo's support has made for you, literally life saving. It is not surprising you're hearbroken that she won't be able to support you anymore after October.

It's so good you've reached out to us here, and expressed how you felt. Do know we are here for you as well, and you can get in touch with us whenever you want.

How have you been doing generally, before hearing this news? I hope things have been a bit better? You have come so far, and have been recovering, this is still true, despite this sad news.

Thinking of you

Ellie X

[pinkladystar in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

I was doing okish until 2 weeks ago breakdown and then the last 2 weeks have been difficult. Jo has literally saved my life she deserves a pride of Britain award or something x she said yesterday you will be there to support me. I dunno what I'm gonna do with out jo keeping me going

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to pinkladystar]

I'm so sorry the last 2 weeks have been difficult. It's good that you had been doing OK before then, that is so good, you have come so far Pinkladystar, from when you were struggling so much for so long. You will have better times again.

Are there some things you can do to lift your mood, and perhaps distract you a bit from this difficult news too?

Jo is amazing. All the support she has given you is not wasted, and you will carry that with you as move forward. Hopefully you'll be able to remember all the great support and things she's said to you that have helped. I know you will still really miss her and it will still be hard

Thinking of you XX

[Survivedwithcolor]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re losing your support person and I just want to say I know how devastating it is. When I initially had PP, I wasn’t hospitalized for ten months because my symptoms came on gradually, I was good at hiding it, and no one was sure what was happening to me. But I was seeing a therapist at that time and she was a great support person. She was the one person I could tell everything to and call when I felt overwhelmed. After I was hospitalized for two weeks and finally diagnosed and treated with antipsychotic meds, I got out and went to see my therapist. To my surprise she was there with a colleague who I had also seen when she was on vacation. The first thing they said was that they wouldn’t see me anymore, either one of them. I was too sick and they didn’t feel qualified to treat me. I was stunned. I didn’t cry then, but I went home and sobbed. They sent me to a psychologist who I had been referred to through the hospital. I saw her for a while and she was the very first person who understood my psychosis and what was going on. After about a year she moved away, and I had much the same reaction you did - I cried for weeks. I hadn’t known her for a very long time, but she was my only support person and all I had. I had no social media at the time, no support groups, no friends who could relate, no one. I felt like my entire support system had been ripped out from under me, AGAIN. (And it had.) After she moved, I could not find anyone who understood my condition and that was very rough too. It’s hard to lose someone you’ve leaned on and who has held your hand and supported you during the lowest time of your life. It was like a death, and I felt deep grief, as well as fear, knowing that I was now on my own, with zero support at all.

Hang in there. You are strong and you will survive this. It’s only a small consolation, but you still have us to talk to.

Hugs from across the ocean.

[pinkladystar in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

I CANT DO THIS !!!!

[Survivedwithcolor in reply to pinkladystar]

My dear pinkladystar, I know you feel like that right now. Grief is a very difficult thing. Allow yourself to cry. One thing I like to do is listen to really sad music and play my saddest songs on the piano. I watch tearjerker movies. I just wallow in my grief for a while, turn off my phone, get off social media, and allow myself to feel. Somehow after doing this and some rest, I can get up again and get on with it. That's what someone who cares about you would want you to do - move forward and be well. Honor them by putting one foot in front of the other until you can see the way yourself.

[pinkladystar in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

I can't stop crying

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to pinkladystar]

Evening lovely Pinkladystar,

I’m so sorry to read you’re having a tough day today. It’s still so raw the news of your peer supporter I’m sure. It’s ok to feel sad, it’s a huge huge shame for you. And I’m sorry it’s happening. It must feel unfair.

I know it’s not the same as face to face meeting up with someone, but we’re here on the forum and over email too. So do keep writing and expressing how you’re feeling. You’re so brave. And even though your peer supporter will at some point be leaving, try to hold onto the happy thoughts of her, all that you’ve got through - it’s you - and your strength that has got you so so far since being poorly. Jo has been lucky to meet you too remember - I’m sure she’s so proud of you.

My sister sent me this picture the other day, which I really liked. Try and hold onto how strong you know you are. You can do this lovely. It’s ok to only have a whisper within you, one day you’ll roar again, we all believe in you.

Take care, Rachel x

I am the storm poster

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

It's really tough It is still very raw I want it all to be a dream. I will always remember everything she has told me she is an angel Sent from above. I just don't have that person who can pull me from the black hole. When I am in crisis.i feel sorry that she ever met me. I honestly thank her for everything she has done. I'm such an awful person as she is sad that I am upset and that's not what I want even though I'm heartbroken.That's a nice picture.

I just don't know how I can continue

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi pinkladystar

I think survivedwithcolor is right, letting yourself cry and grieve is important, hopefully it will help you to process it all, it’s definitely good to let out your feelings.

Thinking of you and know we’re here to write to anytime

Ellie xx

[pinkladystar in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

I can't survive with out Jo I can't

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to pinkladystar]

Morning Pinkladystar,

How did you sleep? I hope you managed to get some rest overnight. Thinking of you.

Rachel x

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

I had a bad night/morning I was hearing voices and seeing things

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to pinkladystar]

Oh I’m so sorry. I know how scary and frightening that is.

Can you check in with your health professionals? Maybe you could call the crisis number if you need to? They’re there, I know it’s a hard thing to do - but they’d want to know what’s going on for you I hope Pinkladystar.

Thinking of you lots. Rachel x

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

I dunno

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to pinkladystar]

Morning Pinkladystar, did you manage to get some rest ok? Rachel x

[pinkladystar in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

I keep on having episodes where I see things and hear things

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to pinkladystar]

Hi pinkladystar oh that sounds scary that you are seeing or hearing things. I agree with Rachel, can you contact a health professional, such as the crisis team? Or is there a crisis cafe in your area that you can visit?

Do you have any plans over the weekend? Can you perhaps see a friend, someone you trust and can speak to?

Take care xx

[pinkladystar in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

I'm with my friend ATM. I don't like the crisis team

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to pinkladystar]

That’s great you’re with your friend pinkladystar. That’s so good you have some support. Take care xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi pinkladystar, hope you were able to rest last night. How are you feeling today?

Maria

[pinkladystar in reply to Maria_at_APP]

I'm still struggling with seeing and hearing things

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

I am sorry you are still struggling pinkladystar, I hope you are able to get some rest tonight. Are you under the community team at the moment? Can they offer you an assessment any time soon?

[pinkladystar]

Is any one I know on the forum tonight

[Jenny_at_APP Partner in reply to pinkladystar]

Hi pinkladystar, I’m around. Do write if it helps, here or via DM x

[RachelK_at_APP Moderator]

hi pinkladystar,

Just seen how much of a tough time you’ve been having recently.

How was last night? I know when I was struggling mentally the nights could be the toughest and loneliest time.

Hope you’ve got some plans to get out today. I still find getting outside helps me lots.

Take care

Rachel