Is there a way that I can get my daughter to trust the Dr. when she doesn't? even trust me?

[Grandma-sam]

My daughter delivered her baby in November of 2022, 4 weeks later she became catatonic, and tried to attempt suicide. We caught her in time and took her to the emergency room who then admitted her to a psychiatric hospital for a month. When she was released she quit taking her meds. and thought everyone was trying to poison her. Now she wants nothing to do with me, she has delusions and hallucinations. She needs to be admitted to get help but isn't in the right state of mind. How do I get help? or what can I do to convince her that no one's out to get her?

[Twobabies Volunteer]

Dear Grandma-Sam, congratulations on your grandchild. I’m so sorry to hear your daughter has been very unwell and is still very much struggling. I had Ppp in 2018 following the birth of twins. First thing to know is this illness is fully recoverable. Is your daughter under a community perinatal mental health team? What country are you writing from? It does sound that your daughter has relapsed and needs urgent help. I would say you are very unlikely to convince your daughter of anything she doesn’t currently believe while she is really unwell, as you know this illness is very serious and it does sound like she needs urgent medical help. If she has an existing perinatal mental health team I would urgently reach out to them, if there is a mental health crisis line call that or 111 if in UK. If hallucinating and delusional then it A&E and you can call an ambulance and explain the situation. Presumably a psychiatrist has prescribed the meds and or GP doctor should hopefully be able to help with getting your daughter urgent care. It’s so traumatic and so hard. Remember it’s the illness talking when your daughter doesn’t trust / is pushing you away. It must be so hard when you are trying desperately to help. I hope your daughter managed to get some sleep. If she doesn’t have a perinatal medical professional she can call then I would say you will need to call for her. I’m sorry I can’t be more help , please do let us know how you / your daughter gets on. Best wishes . X

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Dear Grandma-Sam,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this with your daughter, it must be so very frightening and worrying for you.

I wondered if you are writing from the US? I have family in the States and know the healthcare system works very differently to the UK and there can be little (if anything) in the way of follow up care following a hospital admission so I’m sorry if that’s the situation you’re in.

It’s very difficult if your daughter is experiencing hallucinations and delusions – it will all be very real to her and I know how paranoid and confused I was when I suffered from PP. Does she have any glimpses of insight and seem to have any idea that things aren’t right? If she does, perhaps those are the moments for you or someone else to try and explain that she doesn’t seem well and needs to get some help. Things can escalate quickly so trying to get some help is definitely important.

Postpartum Support International (PSI) is based in the US and have a lot of information and resources, the main website can be found here: postpartum.net/ and there is information and advice specifically with regard to PP (including a 24/7 emergency hotline) here: postpartum.net/get-help/pos...

I hope this helps. If things are feeling unsafe, please don’t hesitate to seek urgent medical help. And please be reassured that your daughter can recover from this.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[SammySeal]

Hi Grandma-sam

You've had some good replies here already, so I can't really advise any further on what to do, but I just wanted to say how lucky your daughter is to have you to care about her and your grandchild.

I had a psychosis episode after having my first child and also sadly tried to take my own life. I would have loved to have a parent care about me in the way you are concerned for your daughter.

It must be hard for you that she doesn't want you around at the moment. She sounds very poorly though, so hopefully after she gets help and gets better, your relationship will get back on track.

Take care

Sammy x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Grandma-sam

I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter has been struck with PP following the birth of your precious grandchild. I had PP out of the blue many years ago and had delusions and suicidal ideas. The delusions were all very real and frightening to me at the time although no one else could see them or understand. I also felt I was fine and everyone else had a problem .... but as other mums here have said PP is a medical emergency and although temporary, your daughter needs urgent care.

I’m not sure if you have seen the PP Insider Guides at app-network.org/what-Is-pp/... with links to services in the UK This might probably be something to read later as the most important thing is to find the help your daughter needs.

It must be very stressful for you at the moment so take care and please write again for our support.

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Grandma-Sam,

Congratulations on your new grandchild. I am so very sorry that your daughter is so unwell and I can I truly understand how obviously very worried you will be. My daughter suffered Postpartum Psychosis six years ago, she was eventually admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit, which was the right place for her, she is well now and she and her children are very bonded. I do know and can fully empathise, it is so very difficult to see a much beloved daughter suffer in this way. There were times when my daughter didn’t want me there either. I am so very glad that you have found APP, the brilliant Mums here who have suffered this awful illness fully understand are generous in their support and suggestions. I know you will feel anxious, helpless and wonder what best you can do but just being there supporting will mean more than you know, in time perhaps take along her favourite things, photographs, a reminder of who she is. Above all know that however difficult everything feels at the moment she can get well. I dearly hope that the right help is available to her and she can come to accept. Your daughter will come back to you.

Thinking of you and hoping that you will write here anytime if it helps.

Sending a hug and Kindest best wishes from one granny to another

Judith x

[Grandma-sam in reply to NanaJudith_APP_Vol]

Judith Thank you so much for sharing with me and all your kind words!!! It sure put a smile on my face after a pretty tough night!! I have to get some sleep for work tomorrow but now that I’ve seen your response I’d love to hear more from you about your story and how it all unfolded if that’s ok. I want to here the up’s and the down’s, it will be so helpful 💕

Thank you so much Nana_Judith_APP_Vol

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Grandma-sam

I hope you found the support here helpful.

I wonder if you could contact the psychiatric unit she was in last year as there might be a nurse or doctor there whom she could connect with? Try not to take anything hurtful she might say to heart as she must be struggling with her thoughts and feelings. Eventually she will thank you for standing by her at such a difficult time.

Thinking of you ... take care. 🌻

[Grandma-sam]

Thank you Lilybeth… I so appreciate your comment. I’m trying to stay strong and not take her words to heart but I’m struggling with the fact that she has been telling her 11year old daughter things that I have done to her that are true at all … while in her psychosis she’s believing that I tortured her and now her daughter doesn’t want anything to do with me and it’s killing me that she is believing everything her mom is saying…. I don’t try to correct her or force her to see things my way because the poor girl has been through so much, it’s been almost 8 months .

I’m having so much anxiety and I just want to stay strong and continue to be there for my daughter, when she snaps out of the psychosis do you think she will realize that she was I’ll all this time or will we have to explain everything that went on the whole 8 months?

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Grandma-sam

I’m sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. Your anxiety must be through the roof and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go to work with everything on your mind but perhaps it’s a distraction.

Have you been able to find any support from the professionals if you think your daughter needs further care in hospital? Being under the influence of psychosis is very traumatic and difficult trying to manage at home. I had PP twice, six years apart many years ago and was very ill to the point where I was re-admitted to psychiatric units on a number of occasions as I wasn’t coping at home.

I don’t think your daughter will realise all that she has said and done. I have a different experience from most as mental health was very much in the shadows when I had my sons. So my parents didn’t speak about what happened to me and urged my family not to speak about it either for fear I would be judged. So for years I carried a lot of unfounded guilt and shame .... until I realised it was not my fault when I came here years later and ‘met’ all the wonderful mums and families. I remembered most of what happened during my psychoses with added info from my medical notes.

So, when your daughter eventually finds the professional help to feel better, I hope you will talk and let her know all that went on was not her fault and above all how much she is loved.

For now, I’m so sorry to hear your 11 year old granddaughter is against you. That must be unbearable as I’m also a grandma with the priceless gift of grandchildren. On the page to the link I gave earlier, app-network.org/what-is-pp/... there are personal stories which might give you a little reassurance.

Please be kind to yourself 🌸 thanks for writing.

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Grandma-sam,

Thank you for your kind reply. This illness is so cruel striking at a time that otherwise would be only joyful. I am so very sorry that the situation with your daughter’s health continues to be so very sad, traumatic and difficult for her and you too. It must be so painful to have your granddaughter put at a distance from you, I know that you can’t help but feel hurt by what your daughter says and her behaviour towards you but try and remember that it is the illness talking. Relationships will heal with your granddaughter I feel sure. You have had some very insightful replies here from the generous sharing of the Mums with personal experience of Postpartum Psychosis. I hope that you have been able to access the APP site suggested by Lillybeth and the site suggested by Jenny and that you found them to be helpful. If you are in the UK then your daughter should, for twelve months after the birth of her baby, still be able to access care from the Perinatal Mental Health Team. I know it is difficult with Doctor/patient confidentiality but it may be helpful to try to contact them or the Health Visitor perhaps, or as someone already suggested the medical team she was under previously. I wonder does your daughter have a partner as they would perhaps be considered her ‘Next of Kin’ in the circumstance, perhaps they may be better placed to seek help. You are being a great Mum being there for your daughter despite the obvious hurdles, does your daughter have a sister or brother or do you have other understanding, helpful family and friends supporting. My daughter was/is very fortunate in her understanding, supportive husband and sisters. PP is a medical emergency so do call on the emergency services if you can.

My daughter became seriously ill with PP, out of the blue, four days after the birth of her baby and with difficulty we finally got her to hospital emergency department. A week later, though she did not want to go, she was admitted to a Mother and Baby Unit, where she was medicated and became well enough to go home where with lots of help and care she did recover. Unfortunately recovery can be up and down and everyone is different but my daughter got there and so can your daughter too. Of course I am more than willing to share more, I can write to you privately or speak on the phone through the APP confidential Peer Support if that may be of help. Let me know.

Thinking of you and your daughter and hoping for a breakthrough soon.

With warm understanding best wishes

Judith x