So I had my daughter 2 years ago just dealt with the anniversary of her birth very difficult, 4 weeks prior to that I was rushed in hospital with appendicitis and then 4 weeks on from her anniversary being rushed in to hospital to be told I have a tumour in my stomach which when I had my appendix out they said was something else.Anxieties are through the rough.
I feel like it's one thing after another and there is no way forward
Please be nice
Hello pinkladystar, I am so sorry to hear this, and receiving the news of a tumour in your stomach it must be very hard. Are you currently under the care of a psychiatrist? It may be an idea to ask to have a chat and get some help, because it can get overwhelming very quickly. Know you are not alone, it must be a very anxious time but we are here to listen.
Hi MariaThank you appreciate that I just dunno what to do.
Yes I'm under the psychiatric team.
I cnt settle I'm having palpitations and the nurses just don't care
Hi pinkladystar, hospital stays are difficult, sometimes volunteers are around and they can sit down for a cup of tea with you. Maybe ask the nurses if they are expecting any to show today. Do you have something you can read or watch in the meantime? Sometimes we just need something very light to distract ourselves while we wait. Colouring books can be also a mindful activity to try. I am glad you are under the psychiatric team at the moment. Do you think it could be helpful to ask for some talking therapy to help process the recent events?
Hi MariaHospitals are vile and there even worse when u are on ur own in the bay and no other patients
The hospital ward didn't have a TV lol
I really appreciate u giving me the ideas
Hello pinkladystar,
I am sorry to read what you are going through. Like Maria said we are here to listen 💛
The news of the tumour must be scary, I am sorry this is making your anxiety go through the roof. Are any support groups you can attend ? Perhaps try asking your Gp also definitely speak to a psychiatrist if you can for the extra support ; Just explain how you are currently feeling mentally xx
Hi ya thank you mI'm stuck in hospital
I have spoken to my con on the phone but I need some one to see me face to face
Dear Pinkladystar
I’m so sorry to hear about your health worries. It’s completely understandable to feel so unsettled by it. Especially when coping with the anniversary of your baby’s birth and subsequent problems.
We are all here rooting for you, so please use the forum as much as you need. I agree with Maria that it would be good for you to share your anxieties with your psychiatric team. The main reason being that this much stress can tip us over into quite severe anxiety / perhaps even paranoia. I know with myself I have to really watch out for rising stress levels (most recently it was a house move, but I can imagine physical health worries would be exactly the same or worse!)
Do you have anything nice planned for the summer, to look forward to? Have you been able to get outside in the lovely sunshine we’ve been experiencing? I hope so.
Take good care and all best wishes
Kat x
Kat thank you for messaging I appreciate that you are all here for me
I was very close to the edge the other day. But I gave the nurse my medication to lock away.
I've been stuck in hospital since Wednesday I was released today and awaiting treatment as they can't operate otherwise I would end up with a stoma for the rest of my life
Hello pinkladystar
I hope you won’t have too long to wait in hospital after speaking to your consultant over the phone. I think it’s better to see someone face to face so they can properly see how you are struggling with your health issues. I’m so sorry and hope you can find support and reassurance while you are in hospital.
Take care 🌻
Hi lily Beth Yh my care co was really good over the phone but really could do with seeing her face to face
Hello pinkladystar, I hope whether in hospital or home you are ok. Take care 🌻
I was released and waiting for treatment as they can't operate
Hello pinkladystar
I hope you won’t have to wait too long and that your care co might visit for support. Thinking of you 🌻
Hi pinkladystar
We are all here to support you. I hope there is a care plan for you while you are waiting. Take care 🌻
Hi pinkladystar
Thinking of you and hope you are ok.
Thank you so much I am in a difficult patch at the moment
I’m so sorry to hear that pinkladystar. I hope you have lots of support around you and that your care co is in touch. 🌸
I cancelled on the care co last week because couldn't face the fact of seeing people
Hello pinkladystar
It must be awful for you but I hope the care co might keep in touch on the phone until you’re ready.
Was meant to see her Wednesday not heard her since
Hello pinkladystar
I hope you were able to sleep. Do you think you could ring your care co just so she knows how vulnerable you feel about meeting people at the moment? I’ll be thinking of you today. Take care please 🌸
Thank you lilybeth for all your support
You are very welcome pinkladystar, take care.
Hello pinkladystar
Just wondering how you have been lately and whether your care co is supporting you. Take good care.
Hello pinkladystar, sorry things have been a struggle lately. Has there been a resolution on your physical health? Do you have any mental health suppport at the moment?
Hi Maria No still waiting for answers on treatment
I told my manager today about my mental health and I dunno of I did the right thing
Hi pinkladystar, I think it is positive that you told your manager. Ask him if there is help is available for you at work. Sometimes there are occupational therapists that can offer help to keep you well. It is not an easy thing to do to come forward, so really very well done
Thank you Maria I have been second thinking it as I haven't seen my manager since I disclosed it to her.
She is really lovely but it was so difficult to do. And it Is a constant worry since I have told her
I agree pinkladystar, it can be difficult talking about mental health, there is quite a bit of uncertainty in how it may be interpreted. But thankfully perspectives are changing and employers are more understanding. If you are still feeling worried, why not ask her for a follow up chat next week? It can be as informal as asking her to sit down for a coffee. It may reassure your worries. Take good care
Yh true i just dunno I feel so anxious about seeing her next week
Its OK, but she has your best interests in mind, in my opinion it is safer to disclose to your manager as that can give you access to another avenue of support
I spose so but it just really has knocked me
Hello pinkladystar
I understand how anxious you must be about seeing your manager next week. It’s a big step to be opening up about your mental health but it might be a release to talk about all that you have been keeping a lid on at work? Perhaps you could start the conversation by telling her how anxious you have been about meeting her ... it’s not easy for you.
I think we do worry how we are perceived by others at times but you are going through so much with health concerns at the moment. Take care and please believe in yourself 🌻
Hi pinkladystar, how are you feeling this week? Here if you want to share anything, its a step at a time. Take care
Hello pinkladystar, Sorry to hear you’re still really struggling. Can you reach out to your GP for support?
Hey lily Beth
I am under my cpn at the moment she is lovkey to be honest.glad I have my peer support lady to from app and she is awesome x
I feel sorry for all the people dealing with me though
I’m so happy to hear you have a lovely cpn and awesome support from your peer support lady from app.
I think all the people dealing with you would say they are privileged to be there for you ... so no need for you to feel sorry, just reach out anytime. Be kind to yourself and take care🌻
Yh she is lovely and my app peer support person is awesome. She her yesterday and she is a massive help. All of you on the forum as well are massive helps.
I feel like I am a burden most of the time.
Hello pinkladystar
Good that the forum is helping, specially your peer support person.
Please don’t think you’re a burden ... be compassionate and kind to yourself.
I'm trying to but it's just so difficult
I know it must be so difficult pinkladystar. It’s not easy for you coping with routine and work. As mums we do tend to put ourselves last and ‘mother’ our family. It takes practice to be self-compassionate.
One of the lovely mums here shared a verse by r.m drake .....
“Give yourself the time you need. Healing does not happen overnight. It may not even happen in a week or even a month. But it will happen. You will get there. And you will be stronger. Softer. Kinder. Just be patient and take all the time you need. I believe in you”
Try to rest and find a bit of space for yourself. 🌻 We are here for you.
Thank you so much lily Beth
You are always so welcome pinkladystar. It’s a privilege 🌸
Thank you I appreciate ur support
Hello pinkladystar
I hope the meeting with your manager was not too stressful last week and that you are ok. Take care 🌻
Hi lily Beth thank you for your consideration. It means alot.Really struggling again this evening.
Suicidal thoughts are constantly in my head. I just wish things would just stop.
Hi pinkladystar, I am sorry last night was a struggle. How are you feeling this morning?It may be a good idea to check up with your CPN on Monday morning and mention last night to her.
We are all here thinking of you and we know how hard it can be to cope with intrussive and distressing thoughts. Do know that we are all here for you, take good care
Morning. Maria Yes i will mention it to my cpn tomorrow.
I was so very close to giving in yesterday
Thank you for thinking of me
Hey pinkladystar, I am glad you will talk to your CPN tomorrow. Always here for you.
Thank you so much it means alot
Hi pinkladystar
So sorry to hear you were struggling and hope you were eventually able to sleep but it must have been so difficult for you.
Do you have a contact number for your team in times of crisis? Suicidal thoughts are a cry for help so please don’t suffer in silence ... you are loved and needed by so many. As Maria said, we are all here for you. If it helps to write your thoughts here, there is no one to judge or offend. Be gentle with yourself and reach out for the help you need. I’m sorry its not easy for you .. please hold on to hope and stay safe. 🌻
Lily Beth Thank you for reaching g out to me this morning it means a lot
Thank you for your help.
Hi pinkladystar
You are so very welcome to our support at such a stressful time for you. I think you were so strong yesterday not giving in to your thoughts. I know how very hard that must have been as years ago I had similar feelings.
I hope your cpn will be able to help with a plan going forward tomorrow. Please stay safe and try to be kind to yourself today. 🌻
Thank you don't feel strong at all I just wish everything would just go away
I’m sorry pinkladystar, I’m sure it isn’t easy for you. I hope your cpn will be a help tomorrow.
X me to
I'm sorry to everyone for the topic I have been talking about.I'm sorry you all had to listen to it when it's not fair on all you lot.
I can't help the way I feel though.
I just want the world to swallow me up
Good morning Pinkladystar, you don’t need to apologise 💛
I am sorry you are feeling like you want the world to swallow you up. Dealing with Mental health is not easy . Just try to remind yourself you will get yourself back again , take each day as it comes . Healing ❤️🩹 can be an interesting journey and one day you will look back praising yourself of what you have overcome.
Take care xx
I appreciate u messaging just don't know what to do but I don't know why it just keeps on spiralling out of control.
Morning pinkladystar, We are all here for each other so please don’t worry as its better to let your feelings out. As you say, you can’t help the way you feel and we all understand. Trying to cope with routine isn’t easy when you’re not feeling well.
I hope your cpn will be a good support for you today. Be kind to yourself, I am hoping for you 🌻
I didn't speak to my cpn today I didn't know what to say to her I am really struggling and just want things to end
Hello pinkladystar
I’m sorry you’re really struggling. I can understand that you feel lost for words, not knowing what to say to your cpn. Then when you do find the courage to talk and reach out, some people don’t seem to understand. Years ago when I was in hospital there were times when I didn’t want to speak.
It’s very tough being in such a dark place. Just try to take a step at a time and don’t expect too much of yourself as you have so much going on with your health, waiting for a treatment plan and coping with your thoughts.
Please don’t give up hope. Do you have a friend who could speak to the crisis team and tell them how you are struggling? Try to talk to friends and family so that you’re not isolated, even if they don’t understand at least you have shared the burden and they will want to help.
Stay safe and take care 🌸
It's so hard to speak words.I just feel so lost as I just can't deal with all the things I'm currently faced with.
I just want to give up and end it all .
I don't want to give them a burden though
Do you think writing things down would help so that if the crisis team or cpn visit, they will see at a glance how you have been struggling if you don’t want to speak?
Remember how loved you are and try to keep talking and don’t isolate yourself. I hope you can connect with your support worker soon. Try to sleep or email jo@samaritans.org if you are feeling vulnerable during the night. Please stay safe.
I contacted the 24/7 mental health helpline via text to ask for help and they just keep telling me to ring crisis and I explained that I cnt speak
I’m sorry to hear that, have you tried your GP out of hours service for support? Or maybe go to your local A&E as they should have a mental health team on duty?
Goodnight pinkladystar, I’m switching off now. Stay safe
Night lily Beth
It's OK I'll just suffer in silence And if the worst was to happen so be it
Do you have any close friends/family you can share some of your thoughts with? They might be able to get you to someone who can help you through this difficult phase.
The fact you are sharing on here is good, I would suggest like others have in going to a and e.
Or 111 online might be able to help as you could put the details in online and that could get you help.
Take care
RK
I'm not going to hospital
I understand your reluctance especially if you’ve had a bad experience in the past.
Take care of yourself and consider getting some help tonight. The nights can be the toughest.
RK
I tried to get help and they weren't Interested
Hi pinkladystar, I am really sorry things are so tough tonight.Even when it is extremely difficult to speak, the crisis team are there for you and they can hold on the line with you if you need to take the conversation in chunks.
You are such a brave person with all that you are facing at the moment, do remember you are worth so much!
Morning,
Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
There are lots of us on here thinking about you
Take care
RK
dear Pinkladystar - as the others say, please don’t ever worry about posting here. We are all here for each other through our darkest times. We all know that recovery from PP isn’t always easy, or upwards, or like something we could put on a motivational poster. Sometimes it is literally clinging on. And that’s all you have to do right now. Do you have a favourite song or album you could listen to? I remember when I was having quite strong suicidal thoughts, I would try and simply distract myself. At the time it was listening to Jason Derulo, very loud, on my headphones!
It could be anything - music, a tv show, going for a walk, literally anything that might occupy your mind a little bit. And when the horrible thoughts come, you can acknowledge them, but then go back to your activity.
The other thing, as other posters have also mentioned, is to reach out (just as you are so bravely doing here) and let people know you are struggling. If you don’t feel safe on your own, please let a loved one know so that they can be with you. Or reach out to the Samaritans or Shout 85258 (the UK text line for suicide and mental health crisis) or the emergency services.
Thinking of you.
Love Kat x
Hi Kat
I really appreciate you posting to me
I know I shouldn't be complaining because I know it's not easy.
I just don't know how much more I can take no more it's just so difficult.
I am trying to cling on but my fingertips just feel like they can't grip no more .
I've been trying to list to music but it doesn't distract me.
I just feel bad that I am posting on here and others have to see the negativity.
Tried to speak to samaratains and shout but they just don't understand
Hey Pinkladystar - I’m so sorry. It all sounds really really hard right now, being in such a dark place where everything feels so bleak. It’s especially difficult when you make such an heroic effort to seek help, and it doesn’t quite work. Please don’t give up though. It’s worth repeating I think- if you don’t feel safe where you are, please do contact emergency services. You’re not wasting anyone’s time: having a severe depressive episode (as it seems just from reading your posts that you might be) is a medical emergency as much as any physical health scare, and you deserve proper help. I’m sorry you weren’t able to talk to your CPN today. Do you have the crisis (out of hours) number for your mental health team, or the Trust as a whole? If so, please do call them and tell them how you’re feeling.
Wishing you all the best,
Kat x
Hi Kat.I am trying I promise it just doesn't seem to be working.
I am really greatful for all ur support.
I do have a crisis number but everytime I have spoke. To tthem always feels worse
Dear Pinkladystar, I had ppp too . I’ve had a little read of this thread. How are you right now? Everything you are going through sounds extremely hard , I’m so pleased you are keeping in touch on here , you will get through this, you are already being so brave. Sending you lots of love . We all believe in you. Have you managed to get some sleep? Big hugs xx
Hi Pinkladystar, I'm so sorry things are so hard at the moment and you are struggling a lot. I hope you somehow managed to sleep last night - I know for me sleep is so important for my mood.
You are doing so well to keep reaching out to us here when you are feeling so low, it can be so hard to reach out when you aren't feeling well. I hope you can try to reach out to your loved ones too, and to your CPN, or anyone who is supporting you, so they can help you.
We are thinking of you. Take care, Ellie X
Hi Ellie thank you for such a nice message not that I deserve it I have spoken to my cpn today and she is contacting me back tomorrow
Hi pinkladystar ,
I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through. None of this is your fault. Please believe me when I say things will get better. I know right now it might feel too hard to believe or too far away, but they will. Is there anyone who makes you feel safe that you can be with right now?
We all believe in you x
Hi
I'm just trying to believe but it just doesn't seem believeable any more it just seems darker and darker all the time
I understand, I really do. I know you can’t believe it, but right now all your energy needs to be on just holding on.
And just holding on right now is the hardest but most important thing you can do. You are so loved and so needed in this world, your brain just can’t see that right now and that’s not your fault.
Take it each day, just doing the tiny things to focus on staying. Even making yourself a cuppa is a huge achievement at the moment. I hope you have someone you feel you can trust to be with you and help keep you safe.
We’re all here for you. x
I am trying to hold on so bad but I dunno how much longer I can hold on for .
I know you are and you are doing so incredibly well - keep going.
Right now you are in the eye of the storm, and it must be incredibly exhausting. I really hope you can reach out to someone you trust to be with you tonight. You are not alone. We’re all here for you x
Hi ya I am really struggling On suicide watch this evening by my friend and husband
I’m so glad you’re not on your own this evening. You are more loved than you can ever imagine.
Are there any words that have meaning to you? These words helped me through my darkest time, I would read them over and over until I knew them by heart. Hopefully they help you too x
oh pinkladystar you are doing so well to keep holding on, reaching out for support, like writing to us on here. Try to reach out to your cpn, to anyone you trust. These feelings really won’t last forever, you really will come through this.
Are you with anyone tonight, so you’re not alone? Someone you can feel safe with?
Thinking of you xx
Hi Ellie I am trying so hard
I spoke to my cpn today there going to the consultant.
I'm on suicide watch this evening by my friend and my husband
Hello pinkladystar
I hope you were safe last night with your husband and friend caring for you. I’m glad you spoke to your cpn who is going to the consultant for you. Keep safe and hoping 🌻
Lily Beth believe me when I say I am trying so hard but I dunno how much longer for
morning pinkladystar just wanted to say I’m so proud of you for making it through another night. You’re doing amazing, keep going. We all believe in you x
Hi pinkladystar
I'm so glad you were safe with your friend and husband last night. You are doing so well to reach out to them, and also to your CPN. That isn't easy to do.
I hope your CPN will be able to get some support for you, and from the consultant.
I'll be thinking of you, take care X
Hi Ellie Thank you for your message I know jd has been intouch with you
Yes, we are all thinking of you XXX
Thank you
Hi Ellie
hi there,
What a nasty shock ☹️ You poor thing. I hope everything turns out ok. Sending love and hugs xxx
Morning pinkladystar just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. I hope you’ve been able to feel supported by your CPN and Consultant.
Take things easy x
Thank you this means alot
Do you think you could call your husband or friend / loved one? I imagine they will be really worried about you. Do you think you might need some emergency help? You are loved. I’m sending love and strength your way right now. Xx
No I'm not calling anyone And no I'm not getting emergency help
Please go somewhere safe, you are loved. Is there a crisis line you can call? Somewhere safe you can go to be with someone? All on here who have been through awful illness can relate in our own ways. I’m breathing love strength and calm to you now. It sounds like being with someone you love would be a good idea. Could you do that.
Thanks
pinkladystar, how do you feel right now? Big hugs xx
I feel horrendous x
It is truly awful you feel so awful right now. It’s sounds so painful. You are showing great strength and might! You will get through this horrible time I absolutely believe it. Lean on loved ones, friends, they will want to support you. You deserve all the support and love in the world. It’s hard to see light at end of tunnel when suffering, but you will get closer and the light will come. Xxx I’m ahead of time as abroad right now but will write again in the morning. Im sending love and healing. Xxx
What time is it now where u are
12.40am so I need to sleep for now, I will definitely write tomorrow though. Big hugs xx
So 2 hours ahead night
Hello pinkladystar, sounds like it was a difficult night. How are you feeling now?
I feel exhausted and annoyed with myself
Hello pinkladystar, do you think it will be possible to have some rest today? Are you with someone you feel safe with at the moment? Things spiral much worse when we do not get any rest. If your CPN is working today it will be good to send her a message and tell her about last night, I think.
hello Pinkladystar, thinking of you. Did you get to someone you feel safe with? Sending lots of love. I’m on the road this morning but will check in when I can. Xx
Morning I was told I had to get somewhere safe otherwise J was going to call my emergency contact
And did you do that? How did it go? Is there also someone medical you feel you can trust? I know some of the medical team can just not get it, is there anyone though amongst them you feel most comfortable with? Even gp? What’s the main thing on your mind? I have two friends that have had bowl surgeries and felt so overwhelmed with it all. It sounds incredibly hard to accept and I can absolutely see how it would just be too much to even think about but I also want to give you hope that my two friends are out the other side now and doing so well both are really happy and that felt so impossible for them at the time. One has stoma and one the surgeon managed to make an internal pouch for. Both are stunning amazing women and you would never know about stoma, both went on to meet partner etc. And I tell you don’t know it’s there. Of course it’s not what you want, if you like, if you think it might help I could try and put you in contact with them if it’s something you feel you might like when and if you feel it might be reassuring/ helpful . Big love to you. Sending strength and healing, grateful to hear from you this morning xx
Hello pinkladystar,
I just wanted to send a message to say we’re all thinking of you. You’re doing so well to hold on through such a dark time. Keep leaning on all support available to you to stay safe - this storm will pass.
Sending lots of love your way,
Jenny x
Hi jenny thank you so much for sending this message I really appreciate everything you do for me
pinkladystar completely agree with Jenny - thinking of you, you’re doing so well, your future self is gonna be as proud of you as we are x
Aww that's so lovely
What does it mean when you have a period where u can't have anything touching you as it hurts if anything or anyone touches you and also I have really bad ringing in my ears.
Why is it that everything is going wrong
I’m not really sure, sorry.
Are you ok tonight? Is someone with you?
This is such a difficult time and you are doing so well.
Take care
RK
Thank you
Hope you are doing ok.
Do you have plans for today?
I have come out for the day with my friend and my daughter to get out for the day
That sounds lovely
Have a good day, hope the weather is kind
Really struggled it was so overwhelming trying to be strong for my daughter
It’s hard I know when you’re not feeling yourself and it’ll probably be draining for you. Take it easy tonight, are you alone or with someone
Take care
RK
No I have made sure I'm with some one and I have rang crisis
That’s really good
How are you feeling compared to the last few nights?
I'm really struggling rkmummy
Keep talking, to us, and to your friend.
You’ve got through the past few nights and you’ll get through tonight.
Just saying you are struggling Is an achievement, you will get through this
RK
OK thanks rkmummy I appreciate that I just don't know what to do
Hi pinkladystar
You’re doing so well, reaching out and making sure you’re not on your own. Know support is out there if you need it in the night, I hope you can get some rest. Keep holding on.
Sending love and strength xx
Thank you so much jenny really appreciate your kind words
Morning
Hope you had a settled night and got some rest.
What are your plans for today?
RK
I had to take a couple of my prns as I had a difficult night
I don't have any plans
Well take it easy today, be kind to yourself.
Take care
RK
Went for a walk round the local park
That sounds lovely, good job for getting out
It's was very hard as I am finding social settings really difficult
It’s good you did it
Take it easy tonight
RK
I'm really struggling now x
Ok, like I said last night, you got through the past few nights and you’ll get through tonight.
Have you got someone with you? Have you thought about contacting the crisis team again?
We’re all here to give you help and support
Take care
RK
I'm not ringing crisis again there is no point
Ok I understand that
Have you got someone with you tonight?
RK
Yes I have
Morning
Hope you managed to have a settled night
Take care
RK
Hi Pinkladystar, did you get some sleep? How are you now? The touch thing you mentioned is not something I’ve heard about sorry. I have experienced ringing in ears though im not exactly sure what caused it but I was very unwell at the time, both these things would be good to ask nurse or doctor about as they might know more. Sending love. Xx
hi Pinkladystar - just wanted to pop on and wish you a better day today. I’m not sure either about the period and touching thing you mention. But I’ve experienced the ringing in my ears and usually it happens when I’m very tired and sleep deprived. And stressed. I’m not sure how you are sleeping at the moment, but I know this is a very distressing time for you so maybe there is a link there. In general our mental and physical health is so connected.
It sounds like you’re doing so brilliantly, making plans to spend the day with your friend, being with people, and calling the crisis line too. You should be so proud of yourself!!
Sending you a huge virtual hug 🤗
Kat x
Hi Kat thank you so much for wishing me a better day really appreciate it.Not sleeping great.
I appreciate you sending a virtual hug.
Crisis are terrible they really don't help
I’m really sorry Crisis weren’t helpful. I know they are often v overstretched and overwhelmed, but it’s no excuse for not providing even a basic level of care and empathy. Hope you have some company today, and can maybe get out and about for a walk of something. I know I sleep better when I have had lots of outdoor time. Do you have a garden you could spend some time in?
Take good care of yourself,
Kat x
Gonna try and go for a walk at some point for really struggling socially
Kat thank you so much for your reply Been for a walk round the local park.
Ome of the other app people said it could be sensory overload.
I appreciate you saying I'm doing well I am struggling but can't allow my daughter to miss out even if it means I melt afterwards.
that’s fantastic you’ve been out to the park - well done!! You sound like an absolutely wonderful mummy to your little one. That is such a fierce, fierce love.
Thank you much
It means alot that you say that I don't feel like an amazing mummy
I can read all your love and strength for your little one, just in what you’ve been writing here. Honestly, you are incredible. Wishing you a better day today and if things go wrong then I hope you have support and loved ones around you to pull you through. We are all here for you too
All my best wishes
Kat
Hi katThank you it means alot what you are saying
It made me cry what you wrote it really means alot
Hello, as per Kat and RMmummy thinking of you sending love and strength. These are hard days and nights and you are doing so well. I hope the crisis team helped? Do you have plans for today? Big hugs. Xx
No plans today as feeling really overwhelmed x Crisis were terrible
Hello pinkladystar,
I am so sorry you have been feeling so well, it isn’t easy I know but you have been so brave. You have had so many wonderful APP mums talking to you, you are never alone, if sometimes there is no one else around take the lovely APP Mums with you, imagine their arms around you holding you up, supporting you. You don’t need plans, just decide to pop outside for five minutes, or do your favourite thing, before you know it, you may find you have been walking or gardening or just being there with the refreshing air for an hour. In difficult times it is hard sometimes to concentrate to read, take the radio listen to a story, uplifting music, not the news. You may have had these suggestions before and it is all easier said than done. I know you may think it takes more strength than you maybe think you have but look how far you have come, try something for five minutes, you are stronger than you think. Make a little list even one tick on it is an achievement, I sometimes make a retrospective list to have the satisfaction of ticking something off when I maybe feel low.
Thinking of you and wishing you well.
Judith xx
Judith thank you for your reply.It's been a really tough time and still ongoing.
The app mums are amazing. I'm so glad I have the support of all these people. Crisis team just really don't care if you live or die.
I managed to go for a walk round the local park with my friend and my daughter
Thank you for wishing me well
Dear Pinkladystar,
I had also intended to say that I am so sorry that Crises were unhelpful, I wonder if it maybe worth trying again, you may get someone more helpful and sympathetic.
Also sincere apologies for the mistake in my previous reply, sorry it should have read ‘unwell’. One day you will be well.
Best wishes Judith xx
Hi ya it's OK no worries You don't have to worry about making a mistake
Good morning Pinkladystar, I just wanted to write to say I've been thinking of you these last few days. You are doing so so well to keep reaching out to people, including on here.
I hope you are manging to sleep, at least a bit?
Take care, Ellie X
Hi Ellie it really means alot for you to reach out to me.
morning, how are you? Sending love xx
hello , hope today has been ok. Is it hot where you are? How do you find it? Do you have someone with you tonight? Big hugs. Xx
Hi It's been difficult I feel I need to cry bit can't. It's been muggy
Yh I'm with someone tonight
I find muggy nights a bit hard, think I’d rather be a little cold that too hot! Glad you have company. I can relate to that feeling of wanting to cry but can’t, it’s a relief almost when you can I find. Let it all out if you can, if not, don’t worry it will come another time. You are coping with so much and doing really so well even if you don’t believe it. Wishing you a restful night. Big hugs xx
Yh muggy nights are horrible I hate the fact I can't cry as it the builds and then I end up overwhelmed and how i was the others night
Hope your night was settled.
With the not being able to cry thing, I found when I was on medication it suppressed all feelings. I was at the funeral of a close family member and I remember not being able to cry. So maybe it’s done medication you are on.
Do you have plans for today?
Hi rkmummy Maybe is medication but I am just really acared I am just going to explore
is there anything that you find helps a bit? If I’m really struggling sometimes I count in breath for 4 and out for 6 (or similar in for , 3 and out 5, the main thing is exhale longer than inhale if possible) through the nose also if possible but don’t worry if not and in my head say ‘I and breathing in, and then I am breathing out’ it is an exercise a famous monk promoted. Sounds frustrating with needing cry release, I guess can’t force things, it will come. ❤️❤️ Lots of love to you and remember love and kindness to yourself too. You got this, you will get through all this, you are getting through this Xx
Thank you it means alot for your words
Hello Pinkladystar, how are you doing? X
Sending lots of love to you Pinkstarlady, I hope last few nights have been ok. Xx
Went to see the psychiatrist yesterday with my cpn care co It was really difficult as they were suggesting for me to be in hospital and it's not what I wanted
Hi pinkladystar, very well done for meeting with your psychiatrist, care coordinator and cpn. It is not an easy thing to do. I am sure these were not the news you were hoping for and I am sorry about it, but maybe it is something to think about. Going to hospital voluntarily will result in a shorter stay, and your safety will be ensured, which is so important. A general psychaitric unit is not a great place to be (understatement), but try to think of it as something very transitory. But the decision is ultimately yours. I'll be thinking of you, take care
Maria
Hi pinkladystar, very well done for meeting with your psychiatrist, care coordinator and cpn. It is not an easy thing to do. I am sure these were not the news you were hoping for and I am sorry about it, but maybe it is something to think about. Going to hospital voluntarily will result in a shorter stay, and your safety will be ensured, which is so important. A general psychaitric unit is not a great place to be (understatement), but try to think of it as something very transitory. But the decision is ultimately yours. I'll be thinking of you, take care
Maria
hey Pinkladystar - it’s great you’ve been able to meet with your care team. I’m sorry you’re not happy with the hospital suggestion (completely understandable!!) but as Maria says hopefully it will just be for a short time, to give you a bit of respite. When you’re battling such distressing feelings at home, in quite a vulnerable state, it can be absolutely exhausting. So maybe some time as an inpatient could take the pressure off you a little bit? And then that motivation to get back home again could be really useful too.
I hope that whatever you decide, you feel supported and cared for. We are all thinking of you, wishing you all the best,
Love Kat x
Hi all I'm not going in to hospital at the moment they have decided that I try an increased dose of medication and then relook at the situation. They were also looking at home treatment team but saw that it was not beneficial at this time
Hey that’s great you can stay at home. Hopefully your CPN will be on hand for extra support as needed. Do you have anything planned for today, maybe another trip to the park with your little one? Love Kx
Yh hopefully it is the right decision.My cpn is away this week so she won't be around
Spending time with the family today as I'm having a difficult day.
In the transition of changing over to stronger meds and moving it to morning medication instead of evening medication
Hi pinkladystar, it is good you are staying with family today, not all days will be so difficult, there will be better ones in the near future.Hoping that the transition to morning medication goes without major issues.
Let us know how you get on
Hi Pinkladystar, I’ve been thinking about you. It’s all super tough and I can understand not wanting to be an inpatient at this time but positive the medical team are offering up ideas to try to help you in recovery. I hope the meds change works well and you feel some relief soon. Glad to hear although today is hard that you are with family. Sending love and strength your way, you Will get through this time. Big hugs. Xx
Sorry I didn't reply in a really bad place
No need to apologise, no pressure to reply at all, just want you to know thinking of you and sending strength and love. Sorry to hear you feeling not good. How has meds change gone? Did they give an idea of how long it might take to make a positive difference? Are you getting any talking therapy/ psychology support? Is that something the medical team have mentioned? Sending lots of love xx
Hi is anyone on here to ralk to really need someone to talk to right now
Good morning Pinkladystar, I’m so sorry for responding late . How are you feeling now ? Xx
You don't need to apologise at all
how are you doing this morning Pinkladystar? Do you have any nice plans for the weekend? I’ve just got home from a long road trip with my family and came back to a very overgrown garden. I really enjoyed pruning and sorting it yesterday afternoon. Here’s a virtual bunch of 💐 from my garden for you
Wow sounds nice that you went on a road trip That's so sweet
hi Pinkladystar, how are you? How’s your little girl? Big hugs xx
Thank you for asking how I am. I am really struggling
Little girl is on thanks
Thanks for the hugs xx
Does getting a walk outside feel better than inside? X
Yesterday I couldn't even leave the house I was so scared
what about today?
Is there someone you can go with?
My friend has forced me to come with my daughter and her today
Ok does that sound ok to you? It might be good?
I'm scared to be out but trying to keep focused for my daughter
sounds like you are focusing really hard for your daughter. I hope once you are out and about you will feel less scared. Sometimes I find that happens when I’m scared of something and do it anyway it can help. Sounds like you have good friends that are helping support you. Deep breaths , maybe when you are out you might notice a bit of sunshining on the leaves, a cloud or anything that reminds you of being in nature. Sending lots of love. Xx
Is any one awake
Hi Pinkladystar, I was just the minute thinking of you and wondering how you are. It’s very late though so I do need to get some sleep. If you’re still awake I hope you will be able to get some lovely sleep soon. Sleep is so good for healing. Sending love to you. Good night xx
Hi two babies I didn't get any sleep Really struggling
Hi Pinkladystar, that’s not good we all need sleep. Do you have someone with you tonight? Hopefully you will sleep. I met one of my friend today that has had bowel surgery. Where is everything at with the chats with that? I can’t even imagine how overwhelming that might feel. Is that the main thing on your mind? Sending you so much love. You are doing so well, better than you imagine I would say. Big hugs xx
Yh I'm with my friend and my daughter with me tonight.Just sat here crying I just don't know what to do with myself no more
I have a meeting with my gp tomorrow about them prescribing the wrong medication for so long.
I just don't know what to do with myself
O love it’s so hard, it’s good you are with your friend and daughter I’m glad your being supported. Sometimes having a good cry is good and part of the journey of acceptance of what is. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to not know what to do. You’ve been going through such a tough time and it will get better. I’m glad you are seeing the GP tomorrow. Wrong meds does not sound good? What’s all that? You deserve to feel your best self and be happy. You are loved and are love. Tell your doctor everything and I hope they will help you. Big hugs xx
Yh my friend is lovely. The meeting with the gp is not for them to help me it's for them to decide what action they are going to take as they had gave me wrong medication. Its a meeting with the doctor and the practice manager. My cpn was meant to be coming with me but she is off sick so I have to go on my own
I just cry and cry and try and get over it ended up calling crisis because I couldn't control myself
hi Pinkladystar, might you ask if another cns come instead? Sounds like something really hard and unfair for you to have meeting alone. Could a friend come with you? Or If you can’t get anyone to join you and you feel you want that then you could ask to postpone the meeting a day or two until you have your support? Getting the right meds though without the meeting with manager? It does sound like someone else being there would be good to back you up. Crisis is there for exactly that, I’m glad you reached out to them, keep doing it as much as you need. Let us know how you get on. Big hugs xx
I'm sorry if anything I say offends anyone on here I am so fed up of the NHS. They tell you to ring the duty team and crisis when you are struggling or in crisis how ever you want to word ut so today my lovely APP peer support lady said ring duty and tell them how much you are struggling . So I rang my team to tell them how much I am struggling and they said we will get duty to give you a call back .
Duty rang back and said how do you think we can help you. I said if I knew that I would help myself. Then all they kept saying was you have only been on the medication 2 weeks so it will take time to work. In the meantime keep speaking to us and speaking to crisis team. If your unable to keep your self safe then ring 999. And then that's all she repeated the whole time. So here I am struggling to keep going, with a promise I made my APP peer support worker the only thing keeping me here as I can't break that promise to her.
What do I do I need help and just don't know where to turn. Sorry again. I understand you all have your own problems to deal with and don't need to listen to my rubbish (polite wording).
Dear Pinkladystar - don’t worry at all about offending anyone! The important thing is you’re able to unload some of your frustrations here and my word this all sounds so frustrating (and, sadly, familiar). The amount of people in mental health crisis who are told versions of “run yourself a bath and try some relaxation exercises” is horrifying. The only thing I can think of to try and offer some comfort is at least you’re at home… and hopefully your CPN will be back soon, which must help…
Thank you for being true to your word and keeping yourself safe - it sounds like you have an amazing peer supporter in your corner! Do you have company over the weekend? Any plans with the little one?
Keep on keeping on - it will get better, I promise.
Love Kat x
My peer support from APP is awesome she seriously deserves some recognition for what she does.
I promised her that I would keep myself safe but it's so hard to keep the promise.
Lay here crying and fighting these thoughts
Dear Pinkladystar - please keep on and cry it out! Scream, howl, rage… Honestly sometimes it’s all we can do. And then wrap yourself up in a blanket, and hold yourself tight. You are doing so well.
The thoughts that you’re fighting are just thoughts - you don’t have to believe them and they are very unlikely to be true. What you’re going through is such a painful illness - an enemy within - but you are stronger than it, and you are already beating it.
I’m thinking of you x
Hi Kat
I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.
I know people say all the time there not true but it's so hard when there here in my head to believe that
Thank you for thinking of me I really appreciate it.
Hey pinkladystar,
I’m really sorry you’re having a tough time today 😢. Like Kat said, you’re already beating this. Well done on your strength to write here, reaching out and saying how you’re feeling takes huge courage doesn’t it.
We’re all here for you. Is there anyone you might be able to phone to help keep you safe? A friend or someone who might be able to speak with you. Well done for phoning the NHS earlier. You did the right thing. Even if it was a hard conversation with them.
Kat made the suggestion of wrapping yourself up in a blanket. I’ve got a pink one over my knees as I write to you. I wonder if you can find one if you’ve not already? Sometimes when I was having circling negative or intrusive thoughts I found my sense of touch was the sense that could help distract me from my thoughts and help me focus on where I was in that moment. Think of your blanket as your little nest to snuggle safely into if it helps.
Thinking of you hugely. Do continue to reach out to the Crisis team. Or phone 999 in an emergency. If you need a listening ear Samaritans are there too 24/7 on 116 123. They are the most wonderful volunteers answering calls at Samaritans. Everyone cares, even those you’ve never met like me.
We understand, we really do. You’re not on your own in this. And I’m so so glad to hear how much you’ve connected well with your support from APP. Sending hugs lovely.
Rachel xxx
Hi Rachel
Thank you so much for reaching out to me I'm waiting as we speak to talk to crisis. Its so difficult to reach out and they don't help you.
I've been say here hugging a teddy yes I feel like a child hugging the teddy at 33 years old.
Thank you so much for thinking of me
I really appreciate that you care even though you don't know me.
My app worker is absolutely amazing. She deserves the biggest award going.
I’m 37… I have a cuddly unicorn called Agnes, a cuddly lobster called Larry. And I still have my Lion Aslan and Minnie Mouse from when I was a little girl. Cuddles are the best! I’m so glad you’ve got a teddy too. I actually feel sad when I think about grown adults, without a teddy. They bring great comfort.
Well done for phoning the crisis team. Honestly, you’re really taking this little step by step which is so brave. Well done, we’re all here xxx
Thank you That means alot when I hug the teddy it stops me being able to self harm .
So I rang crisis hour and half ago and still haven't heard back from them
Hi Pinkladystar, hope you’ve heard back now from crisis or will v soon you can call again if it feels too much to keep waiting . Glad you have a teddy. I have a cuddling pillow! You are never offending anyone and always feel you can reach out here, that’s what the forum is for. You are doing so well this illness is so hard but my goodness you’re getting through it. We’ve all been similarly really unwell so know how awful it is you WILL get through and feel better. Sending love and prayers for good night xx
They have literally just called 2 hours after calling them
Thank you so much for reaching out to me
Hey pinkladystar, just to say I’ve been thinking of you. How you doing today? Sending hugs to you and teddy.
Rachel xx
Thank you so much Rachel for thinking of me x
Good they called. Wishing you some sleep tonight . You’re doing better than you think. Sending love. Night xx
hi Pinkladystar,
Hope you are getting some rest and that meds are all correct now. Thinking of you and sending love and strength. Xx
No not getting rest. I'm just so fed up tbh
It’s understandable you feel fed up, this rotten time will pass and better times will be ahead. Is there anything at all that help distract? Sometimes I found a distraction helped a bit. I tried knitting (plain squares) for a while. Doesn’t need to be anything like that, I’m just wondering if anything distracting might help give you a break. Sending lots of love. You are getting through this. Big love xx
I try loads to try and distract me but I can't be distracted from these vile thought
You are loved and WILL get better. Tight hug. These hard days will pass you are doing better than you think. Call crisis if needed, lots of love xx
Hi pinkladystar, just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and that you are a very strong woman facing this. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Take good care
Maria thank you for thinking of me it means alot
Hope you are able to gather some rest tonight. Take care
Still wide awake and the thoughts are just so negative
Hi pinkladystar, I am so sorry the toughts were so negative last night. How are you feeling this morning? Do know you can always call the crisis line, I know it is not always as helpful as it can be, but do feel you can speak to them in moments of crisis.Do you have any plans to go out today, take a small walk and have some fresh air?
Afternoon Pinkladystar, how are you doing today? Sorry you had a horrid night. I’ve been thinking of you. How’ve you been getting on phoning the crisis line when you need to?
Take care, Rachel x
Hi Rachel sorry I haven't been in touch Crisis team are a nightmare
There so unsupportive
Hello Pinkladystar, I always think of you just before I’m going to try sleep. I hope you had a good day and things might start to ease for you. Be super kind to you. Lots of love xxx
Hi two babies no I had a horrific couple.of days and I completely melted yesterday and started hitting myself
Pinkstarlady, firstly I’m glad you have been able to tell me about this. I have been there, it’s horrible. I understand. It really is the point though where you desperately need help (I know you know this). You are suffering really badly. It can be really hard to give yourself love when you feel so bad but if you can squeeze your teddy really hard and focus, you are loved, you deserve love. I’m sending you love and strength right now. Xx
Sat here crying at your lovely comment. It really means alot that some one who doesn't know me is showing me love and family that are round me all the time can't
It can be really hard for people that just dont know what to do to help. I also experienced that feeling about family which sometimes did stuff that really didn’t help at all but really on reflection I think they just were out of their depth. Love is the answer ❤️ You are pure love, we all here have love for you and you will find a way through this time. Somehow, at some point in my recovery as an inpatient I felt a spiritual connection and it gave me strength and there was a change. Now tomorrow is due to be hot (not sure where you are) but I find hot a bit hard, wondering if a paddling pool or a park with a paddling pool is an option for you? Walking with bare feet on the grass and being amongst trees. If it’s too hot to be out not sure if a cool bath or shower might help. Sending you love Pinkladystar, I absolutely believe in you, you deserve to feel better. Try to get some rest Xx
Two babies you don't understand how much it means to me for you to be there supporting me even though you don't know who I am and that you still shoe your constant support.
I am stuck in an office tomorrow at work. I am still pushing myself to put a front on to go ro work each day and my cpn said today I feel like you need some time off but if I do that I will have more time to think.
They keep suggesting being an inpatient I honestly would end it if I was made an inpatient
I'm just sat here on tears of your support it means such a lot x
Pinkladystar, being signed off work might give you more time to think but it might also give you more time to recover. It’s hard to imagine how hard it must be going to work while suffering like you are right now. I would say you should try to think about the bigger picture you need not be off for ages and it might help you get more rest you need which means you avoid being an inpatient which I know you are not keen on. There is no shame in being off work, thousands and thousands of people are signed off every day, you have been going through an awful time and you deserve the time you need to recover. I get your concern re too much time to think but wondering if with your cns if you might make a little plan of things you might do that you would enjoy ( it’s ok to enjoy yourself while being off work that’s the whole point ) once you feel much better you will feel ready to work . Also sometimes you might just need a change to the set up to help feel you are making a move to aid your recovery. Maybe catch to your cns tomorrow i imagine you would have no issue getting signed off so you should still be paid. Big hugs you. Xx
Feeling really over whelmed tbh tonight and just don't know what to do
Hi Pinkladystar, has it been hot today where you are? I know it’s late and getting a bit dark would you and a friend or any loved one be able to go for a walk? Look up at night sky? Or if you have any outside space in your home get a chair and sit out and look up? Either indoors or out could you sit, Might you try holding both your hands on your heart take a deep breath into your heart and really focus on that. I’m doing the same and sending healing and love xx
Thank you twobabies it means alot your doing it at the same time
I like to imagine white light filling up my body while I breath into my heart and just there a though of a bud (a small bud of a flower) came to mind. I opened my eyes. For me it represented hope. I just found a pic of the thing I imagined. This is yours. It’s small but it’s there and it will blossom. I’m very grateful for that ❤️🙏 xx
Thank you xx
hope you are doing ok pinkladystar.
I’ve had a takeaway and I’m watching greys anatomy tonight as my husband is out on a works night out.
Be kind to yourself
Take care
RK
Thanks I wish I could eat
Hi Pinkladystar, do you just not feel like eating? Your body needs nutrition, especially in heat it can make you feel quite faint if you don’t eat. Is there anything you could try? Is it hot weather where you are? I find heat hard. Big hugs. Xx
It is really hot here I just can't eat everything I eat comes back
If it’s ok for you to drink do you have any squash/ diluting juice you might be able to sip? Or an ice lollie. If you feel you might be getting weak from it don’t hesitate to call 111. Hot nights are especially hard. I quite like a luke warm shower or bath to help cool. I’ve just gone to supermarket enjoying the aircon . Big love to you. Xx
Even if you try and eat something small it may help. The heat definitely doesn’t help with wanting to eat.
Are you on your own tonight or with someone?
With someone but don't want them any where near me
Ok
But if you need anything you are not alone.
I know nights can be tough but you’ve got through others and you can get through this.
Would talking about something positive in your life help?
RK
Thank you for your support sorry I had pain in my chest and my friend called an ambulance
Ok, what did the paramedics say?
Hope you are ok
They said my heart rate was raised
That’s it?
Did you go into a and e or stay at home?
How are you this evening?
RK
Still in pain
I’m sorry to hear that.
Do you feel it needs checking out?
Is it still chest pains?
RK
Yes it's still chest pains
Did the paramedics yesterday give any advice on how to relieve your chest pains?
No they said if it came back to call them back out
Are you thinking of calling them again? Is it as bad as yesterday?
No because they will just discriminate against me again
Do you mind me asking what happened last time?
No I don't mind The paramedics came out and one of them was lovely but the one guy was horrible as soon as he knew I had me tal health he was like its mental health related and the other paramedic said no I don't agree
Ok
I understand it’s hard especially after a negative experience but if you feel you need checking out again then please do.
Hope you feel better soon and get some rest tonight
RK
thinking about you. Hope you are ok. Sending love xxx
Morning Pinkladystar,
So sorry to hear you’ve been experiencing chest pains. Glad you sought medical attention to help.
How are you feeling this morning? Hope you managed to get some sleep.
Rachel x
thinking of you. Hope you are ok. I’m about to try sleep now. Wishing you a restful night. Give yourself a hug from me. Xx
Thank you two babies.
Found out yesterday that I have a pulmonary embolism.
O no, are you in hospital now then?
I was they have sent me home on injections which I don't agree with but got to await a ct scan to see if it has broke. Down
Goodness what a stress very glad they found out. Did you have to go to A&E last night? If you don’t mind me asking what is the status on the tummy tumour? Are all the tests on that complete and what is the next step? Big hugs xx
Yh was rushed to a and e from work yesterday. The doctor was like I think it's a panic attack but we're gonna do bloods to rule other things out and when bloods came back it was raised and he was like I'm so sorry you have a pulmonary embolism.
Still waiting for the tummy tumour to be resolved
Oh my goodness Pinkladystar, I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m glad they found it, but scary to be sent home with that diagnosis! I hope you’re resting up, and that they will follow up with you very soon.
Take care, all my get well wishes,
Kat x
Hi Kat I was sat at work and I was just hit by the pain and I couldn't breathe.
I said to the doctor last night am I going to die and they couldn't answer me.
Hi pinkladystar, I am so sorry that you had to be rushed to a&e with chest pain and it turned out to be pulmonary embolism. How is the pain atm? I hope your ct scan date is soon. Thinking of you while you are going through so much
Hi Maria I had the ct scan and the blood clot is dissolving
That is such good news to hear, must be a relief for you. Do take good care of yourself
hi Pinkladystar, how are you today? Are you still going into work? The hospital I’m sure would not be sending you home if they thought you were at great risk with the embolism. At least you have the meds to sort that out. How often do you see your mh nurse? I’m getting busier with work now but thinking of you. Xx
Hi two babies Still in a great deal of pain
Not been off today
Have had a couple of days of Injections
Weekly ATM for the mh nurse
What do you do for a job
Hope u don't mind me asking
Hi pinkladystar,
We haven’t spoken in a long time but I just wanted to check in and say that you’re in my thoughts often. I’ve seen your recent posts and I wish you a speedy recovery, you have been through so much and you are so incredibly strong.
Sending hugs,
Amy xx
I dunno when we spoke last I really don't feel strong
I just wanna give in because things are just to much
That’s ok! It was a good few months ago. Despite all of the challenges you’ve faced, you’ve got through 100% of the bad days so you are incredibly strong, even though you don’t feel it. I promise you are 💐 xx
So I have had enough I fight each day to survive and after everything of this week I went in to work to try and see if I could keep going and I'm faced with the I feel like your health conditions are affecting your job. I feel like your appointments are impacting your job.OK then I think that just maid my mind up let's just give in.
I can't do this any more
Rang crisis and told you need to wait for the even team to come on
Hi Pinklady star,I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, please try and keep yourself safe. Are you with friends or family? Could you take yourself to A and E if you feel you can't keep yourself safe.
We're here for you and thinking of you. xx
I'm at my friend's just can't take no more
Hi pinkladystar,
I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been going through. It’s good you’re with your friend tonight. Please keep reaching out and keep yourself safe. I’m thinking of you a lot xx
Thanks jenny
take care you. Sometimes it can be better to get signed off as your work can’t say a thing, you can give yourself time to improved mental health. I do get trying to keep working through it but you do seem to be having such hard time with different health conditions and that’s what getting signed off is for so your job is protected while you have time to heal. To your earlier question I’m a teacher, uni. Best wishes, we are all thinking about you xx
I know but I was trying to protect my job by going to work.But clearly that utsnt good enough
Wow that's an amazing job
How are you? Did you go to work today? You nurse is probs good person to talk through your work concerns with. You deserve to be happy and peaceful, we all do. You are coping with more than most so do allow yourself the love and kindness/ time you need. If you need to make decisions regarding your physical health is there anyone that can support you with that? Sending love as always xx give your arm a little reassuring loving squeeze . Xx
Hi I am really struggling sat he currently crying .I went to work today and looks like my manager is changing her tune now in terms of my mental health a d she is now saying all my appointments need to be outside of work hours how is that possible when you work 8.30-530 and ur cpn works 9-5.
I really appreciate all ur support.
I just dunno what to do
I just feel everything is going against me
Hi there, this is hard and really not what you need. How long have you worked there? I’m pretty sure the cpn should be able to help advise on legalities regarding work and time off for medical appointments etc, or point you in the direction of where you can get this kind of advice. There are regulations to support you and employment law. What they need to do might depend on how long you’ve been there and your employment contract. All in it can be better to take time off than be at work while unwell. I can absolutely understand trying to hold onto job in best way so would definitely recommend cpn chat, or even gp. mentalhealthandmoneyadvice.... I found this and thought it might help even to explore with a friend or your partner. Things that feel too much at the moment can feel different and much easier in future when you feel less suffering. You are doing incredibly well and have been having such a hard time. We’re all with you, wanting the absolute best for you. Take care you. Xx
It's not fair I haven't done anything wrong I have only been there 7 months
And they were lovely and now they are changing there tune
All I have ever done is Try to hold on to my job for my daughter
I just feel its better for me to just give in now and let my mind be the right choice as I just can't take no more of this. I think the thoughts I am having are just so right and the world would be better off with out me
Hi Pinkladystar, are you with someone right now, it would be good if you are. You are right you absolutely haven’t done anything wrong. your daughter chose you as her mum, she needs you. The world needs you 
You have been suffering a lot but it won’t feel this way always , you’ve been through hard times before and recovered and it will happen again, much happier times will come ; the recovery will happen. I get the feeling of overwhelmed, please stay safe, you are loved. Don’t hesitate to call crisis if you want to or friends. Please promise me you will not give in. I’m sending love. Place your hands on your heart and feel it. I’m doing it too. Now deep long breaths. Big hugs xx
Hi pinkladystar, you really are loved and needed. Are you with a friend tonight?I know that the news from work can feel very overwhelming. Perhaps it is a good idea now to focus just on what you can control at the moment. First step to talk to your cpn and ask her advice on what you can say to your manager. Its one step at a time.
You won't feel this way forever, do remember that this will pass.
We are here for you
Maria
Hello pinkladystar, how are you doing this morning? I do agree that taking a leave from work would not be a bad thing. There are so many things going on at the moment, that taking one worry off your mind can feel less overwhelming? Do let us know how you are getting on. Its the weekend and it is more difficult to get the right help, but please do not hesitate on reaching out if you can't feel safe at home.
Here whenever u need a chat
Maria
pinkladystar
Hope you are doing ok tonight
I know you are having a tough time at the moment, you will get through this.
RK
Thank you but I just don't know what to do
I'm sorry everyone that I am a burden on you all. It would be best if I wasn't here
You are absolutely not a burden, this forum is a safe space to share how you are feeling. Where are you tonight, are you with someone?
We are all here for you
Take care
RK
It how I feel. I am just broken
Hi pinkstarlady, you are never ever a burden. Lots of people on here have suffered severe mental illness and want to support others now they feel better. You are suffering but you are loved and you will get better, this time will pass. Don’t hesitate to reach out to crisis. I know you’ve not always had the best experience but that what they are for. Are you getting talking therapy? It might be useful? Remember the illness can make you think things that just aren’t true, if you have an unkind thought it can be useful to think that’s an unkind thought that’s illness talking . You are a child of the cosmos. Sending you love and healing. Xx
Hi pinkladystar, I am really sorry you feel broken at the moment, it sounds like things are very tough right now. You have been fighting this so much, tooth and nail, it really shows how strong you are.Stay safe, I am going to clock off now, reach out to Samaritans or the crisis team if you need to during the night.
Hi Pinkladystar
I'm so sorry things are tough at the moment, you have so much going on. You are doing so well to keep reaching out for support, and fighting the horrible feelings. And I know you are being an amazing mum to your daughter, even while going through such a hard time. You really can come through this and get better.
I really hope that with work you can find a good solution, and are able to keep working if it's helping you.
I found doing small things I enjoyed helped me when I was struggling with depression, just to keep fighting it, which was so hard to do at times. I am doing a mindfulness journal at the moment before bed, It is really helping me to write three things I'm grateful for each night, sometimes these are just really small moments in my day or more general things.
We are all thinking of you Pinkladystar, take care
Ellie
Hi Ellie Thank you for listening to
I really appreciate you saying that I am a good mom (even though I don't see this )
What did u do when you were struggling
Thank you for thinking of me
Hi Pinkladystar - just wanted to say Hello and that I’ve been thinking of you. I’ve not been on the forum the last few days because of work but am around today and the weekend too. I’ll echo everything that Ellie and all the others have already said - you are doing really really well, getting through such difficult times. The situation with work (and apologies I might have missed some details) sounds really stressful. You do have rights, particularly if you have disclosed a mental illness, so I hope that these are being respected. And above that, that you are being supported and encouraged with work too. The right sort of working environment can be such a positive thing for our mental health, but sadly we know that often work becomes a massive source of stress and anxiety too. I can send you some links about mental illness and work, if you’d like?
Other than that I just hope you had a better night last night and that you have a better day today. Do you have any outings with your little one planned?
Take care,
Love Kat x
Hi Kat Thank you for thinking of me it means alot.
Glad ur around the weekend as I know my regular support is not around this weekend.
With my work I have been demoted as they said that my mental health has had an impact on my work
I disclosed my mental health to rhem and now I feel that they are using this against me
Work is currently a stress factor but I still need to work because if I don't then I will just end up living in bed and ruminating which will just make me worse if I can be worse
Yes I would be greatful for you to send me some links in relation to mental health and work
Got no outings planned I'm just in a dark bubble
Dear Pinklady star - that sounds like a really unfair situation to be put in. You did absolutely the right thing in disclosing your mental illness to them, and you deserve support and encouragement, certainly not demotion!!
One thing I’ve been heavily involved in over the last ten years is trying to improve workplaces when it comes to protecting employees’ mental health - I mainly do this through teaching Mental Health First Aid courses to managers and team leaders. Often it’s just ignorance - and sadly still a lot of stigma and discrimination too.
One link that I always try and refer people to (whether they’re an employer or an employee!) is the Line Manager’s Resource:
mhfaengland.org/mhfa-centre...
There are also lots of helpful pages on the Rethink website, for example: rethink.org/advice-and-info...
Really hope these are helpful. I’m just so sorry you’re in a dark bubble at the moment - it will absolutely get better, but I know how hard that is to believe right now
Love Kat x
Hi KatI have only just managed to sit and read ur message but it makes sense
hello pinkstarlady, sending love your way and hoping you have a good day. Gently does it. Big hugs xx
hi pinkstarlady, thinking of you. Hope you are ok? Lots of love xx
Hi Pinkladystar, how are you? Thinking of you often. Work has been very busy and I sometimes struggle myself hence can go a bit quite at times. Always want the very best for you though and hoping things are settled a bit and some light is making its way through. Sending love and healing. Xx
Hi ya unfortunately it's not settled and I didn't the wrong thing and pushed away the things that were helping me through because I just didn't know how to explain myself with the situation. I just don't know what to do any more.I'm at the end of my thought process
Saw my app support today and she was amazing but I had tried to hide it from here to because I just felt like a massive burden to everyone and I have just got to breaking point now and to the point where there is only one decision that keep repeating in my head ive just had enough
Hi Pinkladystar
I'm sorry that things are still so difficult for you. You are doing so well to reach out again for support, this isn't easy to do. I hope you can also reach out to your CPN / mental health team, and be honest with them how you are feeling.
I know there are no quick or easy answers or solutions to how you are feeling. I wonder if you can find small things you can do that you find helps, things you have enjoyed previously perhaps? I am finding a daily walk really helpful at the moment, in my local park. I like seeing the autumn leaves, and the squirrels and birds. I also find journalling / writing really helpful, and am trying to swim once a week too.
Thinking of you, do know we are here if you want to write
Ellie
Hi Ellie Thank you for messaging me it means alot .
I have been honest and my app supporter has reached out to my cpn as well. Unfortunately she isn't being receptive.
It really means a lot that your hear I feel like jo and the forum are the only thing that is here for .
I was crying down the phone to my cpn and she didn't even acknowledge it.
I rang Jo who was amazing as ever she deserves an award for dealing with me.
hi Pinkladystar, sorry to hear you are still feeling hard. Give yourself some Grace in terms of what you feel with relationships. How is your daughter. As Ellie says any small things that give you a slight relief or you used to enjoy might be a good place to start. Have you been off work for half term? Take care xx
I don't enjoy anything any more I just hate having these thoughts constantly going through my head and don't know how to get rid of them they just seem to be getting closer and closer to the front of my head.
Sorry If my message upsets any one
Hello pinkladystar,
It's Rachel here, part of the peer support team. I am so sorry to hear that you're struggling with your thoughts just now. Please don't apologise for upsetting people. Everyone cares about you here, and we want to support you in getting better.
And you will get better. I am so sorry that there are such dark, sad and scary days. I use those words as that's how I felt at times too. Scared that my poorly brain could think the most sad and unimaginable thoughts it could. But, try to remember as best you can that they are thoughts. They are not you. They are a sad thought, a dark thought, that will pass. Keep reaching out to your CPN, and the support around you. You are not on your own in this, even at the darkest moments, people care about you. Also, perhaps consider phoning Samaritans, they are there any time day or night, and a full of kindness and compassion - and a listening ear to support you too. Tel: 116 123. samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...
We all so deeply want to support you to have some happier times, keep hold of that hope. Write anytime if it helps.
Rachel x
Hi Rachel Thank you for messaging Thank you I just don't want to upset anyone just because I don't want to be here.
I keep trying to tell my brain that there just thoughts but when there getting more and more vivid and more more closer to the front of my brain its hard to still believe there thought.
My cpn is frustrating me ATM as she doesn't understand me fully and when I tell her the thoughts I am having she says it's dramatic to have those thoughts.
Rachel it's means alot when you say that
My 2 peer support please aren't around this weekend and I find it so hard but they are both amazing and I feel sorry that they have to constantly deal with me.
Sometimes it just seems the best thing to do is listen to the thoughts
Pinkladystar these thoughts sound extremely upsetting and I’m sorry you are suffering like this. As Rachel said they are just thoughts and when we are unwell we can often have quite distorted thinking. The thoughts are not you. I wonder if you experience them circling in your mind if you might squeeze your arms as it you’re giving yourself a hug or a gentle loving squeeze of the hands and just acknowledge them but focus on your breathing body. You are love and are loved. You can always write here. Do keep reaching out to your nurse and Samaritans. Sending love. Xx
Thank you two babies
Hello pinkladystar, what you describe sounds so incredibly hard, intrusive thoughts are really hard to stop. How was today? Are you by yourself or do you have your friend with you? Take care, you are valued and you matter. Maria
Hi I'm by myself today.They are really hard and there just so strong I just find it hard to not listen to them
Yesterday I went for a drive after work and I drove and drove and drove to the point I got lost and didn't know where I was, but my head was telling me to go some where no-one knew me so that it would be easier
Hello pinkladystar, it all sounds very upsetting for you, it is an effort to get on with your life when you have these intrusive thoughts. I have read your other replies here and I am sorry you found the comment from your CPN frustrating, I would also have felt frustrated if my concerns had been dismissed, but keep reaching out to her, she is also only human and can make mistakes, it is important to let your team know how you are feeling at the moment. You are valued and you matter, so much. Take care, Maria
Thank you maria
morning Pinkladystar, I would worry about you driving when distressed perhaps best to stick with walking somewhere ideally in nature it you can. Walking can be very good for the brain apparently! Echo what Maria said about cpn. Sending love and hope. I’m not feeling too great today think I have the cold but might not be online much thinking of you though and hope things ease up. Big hugs xx
OK thanks
Hi ya all Sorry I haven't been in touch in a horrendously dark place. Felt I needed to reach out tonight because I have just had enough.my head is full of horrendous thoughts with the brain thinking its time to act on them. I have just had enough of being me and just not seeming to move forward with my mental health.it is just so overwhelming I am just lay here raining what's the best thing to do.my cpn keeps saying reframe your thoughts and I keep saying when I lm like this I can't reframe these types of thoughts it's just so difficult I just don't know what to do.
My cpn says it's not the mental health that makes you feel this way I'm like ok so what is it then .
I have just struggled and fought for so long just don't know how much longer I can fight for
Hi pinkladystar,
I’m sorry you’re still struggling so much and in such a dark place.
It’s really good that you are talking to your CPN and telling her how you’re feeling, do keep reaching out to your team and being as open and honest as you can. It sounds like you’re not finding the techniques she’s suggesting helpful. Have you been offered any support in how to reframe the thoughts? There are different therapies out there and I know services are stretched and waiting lists are horrendous but do try to keep pushing for that support.
There are various resources available online that may be helpful to have a look at – this one lists various grounding techniques: healthline.com/health/groun...
Is there anything you feel may have been helpful in the past? Keep going one small step at a time, I know it might feel never ending and insurmountable but don't lose hope and know you are important and loved.
When it feels like things are just too overwhelming, please keep reaching out, make sure you’re not on your own and keep yourself safe. If you don’t have a plan in place to help keep you safe, there are resources that can help you put one together – one of these is the Staying Safe website: stayingsafe.net/
We’re all here to listen. I’m thinking of you
Sending much love, Jenny xx
Hi jenny I think I am beyond help to be honest I just don't have any more hope left
No I don't know what to do to reframe the suicidal thoughts.
It's just getting more and more to the front of my head and as o can't reframe any more I want to listen to these thoughts
Morning Pinkladystar,
We all care about you and we are here for you. Jenny has put some really useful thoughts in her message above. I’m so sorry to read that you think you’re beyond help. You are never beyond help. We are all able to get better from this awful illness. Recovery is possible for everyone. I’m just so so sorry that you’re experiencing such a difficult horrid time. Do not lose hope. Reach out for support every day. You’re not on your own in this. I promise. Rachel x
Hi Rachel yes jenny has put some really good thoughts.I just feel there is no healing me. This illness has just taken over me and I don't know who I am at the moment.
I’m sorry Pinkladystar, that’s so hard. You will be you again. I felt that feeling too, but try to believe that this too shall pass. My mum used to say that to me, and at the time of course I didn’t believe it - as I felt so far away from myself. But you will be able to get better. Keep talking. Keep walking that path with support around you. I’m so sorry it really is such an awful illness, we all really do understand. Hope you managed to get some rest overnight. Thinking of you x
Thanks Rachel
Hi jenny I am so sorry for not replying to you I appreciate all the information you have put forward and you have been there through the bad and the good I don't deserve your help. I'm sorry that I seem unappreciative of what you have given ne I don't mean to I have just put up a barrier.I was talking to my support person today and it all just made sense that I had put a barrier up.
I just feel like I don't deserve the support and also that I am just beyond being helped
Hi pinkladystar,
There’s no need to apologise at all, I’ve sent you a private message too.
You absolutely deserve support. Keep talking and reaching out like you have been, we’re all here to listen and lean on - step by step always.
Sending much love xx
OK jenny
Hi pinkladystar, I am so sorry to read that you are finding it so difficult to hold onto hope at the moment. We have hope for you, and we know that you are not beyond help. Is there something that you can hold onto at the moment? You have such a strong bond with your daughter and despite how hopeless it all seems now, you are being there for her.
Jenny has shared such a useful resource to have a plan to stay safe, please do take a moment to read through it, know that these thoughts you are having at the moment will pass.
Thinking of you,
Maria
Hi Maria thank you for your reply.I feel like I am beyond help though. I am trying everything that I am being asked and just seem to be getting no where
Hi pinkladystar, so good of you trying out all the techniques, some of them may be useful to you and some may not. I am sorry you feel like nothing is helping, yet. When I am at my lows I frame my negative thoughts with yet at the end and that's helpful to me. We are here holding onto hope you.Thinking of you,
Maria
What do you mean by putting yet at the end
For example instead of saying: I feel like nothing is working. Try to change it to: nothing is working, yet. This technique worked for me when I was very low, because it reminded me that this illness is not me, it's a temporary thing. Maybe your nurse has suggested something similar? Sending positive thoughts your way
Maria
Hi pinkladystar, so good of you trying out all the techniques, some of them may be useful to you and some may not. I am sorry you feel like nothing is helping, yet. When I am at my lows I frame my negative thoughts with yet at the end and that's helpful to me. We are here holding onto hope you.Thinking of you,
Maria
Hi Pinkladystar
I'm so sorry things are so tough at the moment. I know Jenny and Maria have already written some lovely replies.
You are a wonderful mum, much loved and needed. You are doing so well to keep reaching out to your CPN, and on here too.
I'm sorry the thoughts feel overwhelming at the moment. I don't know what things you have done in the past that may help you? Hobbies or practices that help you? I know what helps me at the moment is a daily walk in nature noticing the autumn trees and squirrels, and journalling (setting myself goals I want to achieve for the day). I know others find exercise really helpful, or other hobbies like art or crafting. I hope you can find some things that can help distract you, and help you through the day.
You really can get better and come through this, as we have done.
Thinking of you, take care,
Ellie
Hi Ellie Thank you for your lovely message
Advice needed please 2nd pregnancy
Need advice on medication treatment 
Need advice
I'm not a professional, but I need help to diagnose my wife
Need someone to talk to
