I posted on here a few times earlier this year. I had an MBU admission (after one last summer) but it was really far from home as no local beds, and so I felt very homesick. So, I was discharged a couple of weeks ago as I wasn’t getting the benefit of being there.
I’m taking Lamotragine to help stabilise my moods - I get these real low moods that feel unbearable. It will be another few weeks until it is at a therapeutic dose as it is a drug you need to increase very slowly. Writing that down it doesn’t seem like that long but it feels like an eternity. I’m scared it won’t work even when it is at the full dose.
I’m feeling so low and depressed, despondent. I’ve been having these severe depressive states since last September and I feel so worn down and exhausted. And my partner has been my rock, but it is such a burden on him. He works at home and I find myself going to him more often than I should to cry and hug.
I’m just feeling so low. This is so much worse than the psychosis itself, and has been going on since last September.
I am so sorry to read that you have been struggling with depression for a while now. Feeling low in energy is very disruptive specially when you have little ones demanding time and attention.
I am sorry that the stay in the MBU did not pan out so well, being far from home is difficult specially as you have your older child to take into account. I am wondering if you were able to access some therapy sessions while you were an impatient and whether those can continue for you after discharge? Perhaps through the local perinatal team? Talking therapy was helpful for me, it may not be the same for everyone but perhaps something to try out at the same time as the medication?
You spoke about planning your day a while ago and how being out of the house was helpful. I know the weather is not helping too much recently but hopefully it will change very soon. My health visitor was an useful source of information for activities and groups in the area, I am sure you have tapped into that already. I also used an app (I think it is called happity or something similar) to find local baby and toddler classes. When I had depression after pp it was hardest for me to gather the energy to go on my own. Thankfully a friend dragged me to yoga every week and that made a difference. Do you have someone that can come with you to classes and such?
I hope that you start seeing a difference soon with the increments of medication. Managing the lows is not an easy feat so do praise yourself for making it out of bed, or putting your hair up in a bun, or having a shower. Those are stepping stones and progress in your recovery.
Take really good care, we are here for when you need us
...such a supportive reply , - I have had a lovely health visitor for 2 years, so essential at the time...
Hi lovely Pikorua, I am glad that although your recovery from pp was very rocky you found solace on this person. Take really good care beautiful soul