Looking for support. I am about 8 weeks in after acute postpartum psychosis which I was hospitalised for and suffering with low points and anxiety. I had a traumatic birth and a very premature baby who is now doing really well thankfully.
I am on medication for the psychosis but I still feel that some of the symptoms of psychosis are happening such as auditory hallucinations. I find getting out of the house difficult and socialising too due to this and my anxiety. I'm also feeling distrustful of family and friends and lost my confidence aswell as embarrassed at some of the things I did and said during my psychosis. I had mental health issues before the psychosis. How long did everyone's psychosis last?
Feeling really low whilst also trying to hold it together for my family, look after my baby and other child. It's been really difficult for my husband but he doesn't like to talk about things.
Any help and support would be much appreciated.
Thank you xx
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kitty12345
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are not alone, and you will get better. Have you talked to your mental health provider about your symptoms? They may need to adjust your medications.
I went through a lot of what you are describing after my psychosis as well as a dark, lasting depression that took months to heal. I hope that you find the help you need to do better!
Thanks for your reply, it means so much. I am getting support from the mental health provider but reaching out here at a time where I feel pretty lonely and lost in my thoughts.Thanks xx
Thank you so much for reaching out out here where you will find lots of support and shared experiences in this safe space.
I’m sorry to hear you suffered acute PP and were hospitalised. It must have been an awful time after a traumatic, very premature, birth. I had PP twice many years ago and also had auditory hallucinations which were all very real and frightening at the time. Are you being looked after by the perinatal health team? Perhaps you could ask for a review of your medication?
It’s very early days for you so try not to worry about some of the things you did or said. Like you, I was embarrassed and ashamed at how I behaved during my psychosis. Please believe that you had no control over what happened and no choice when PP was so controlling.
It must be awful feeling so low and trying to keep everything going at home. It’s not easy being on medication and trying to cope with two children and routine. It is very hard for partners to see their loved ones struggling and a shame that your husband doesn’t like to talk about things.
I’m sorry that my connection isn’t very good to send links but I’m sure there will be other mums here to share those. There are some cafe groups around the UK for mums to meet and speak to kindred spirits, in person or virtually. There is also a partners’ cafe group via Zoom, every third Wednesday of the month at 8.00 pm, a really informal space which your husband might like to drop into and chat with other partners?
Try not to be so hard on yourself, you have been through and are trying to cope with so much. Is it possible you have family or friends who might pop in either to help or chat? Your confidence will return eventually. As mums I think we tend to want to move on and be ‘over it’ but you must take it easy and speak to your care team about how you really feel so that they can support you.
Take care .... we are all here to lean on. Thanks for writing.
Thanks for your reply, it means so much. I am getting support from perinatal and other teams, however, I still feel pretty lonely and lost in my own thoughts. Hearing from people who have experienced PP like yourself and your reassuring words helps a lot. I'm sorry you experienced it too xx
I hope you can feel the warmth of the forum since your post. It’s good to hear you have support from perinatal and other teams. Try to talk openly about how you feel so your thoughts are ‘out there’ and not building up in your head. Not easy I know as I didn’t want to alarm anyone about some of my thoughts (!) but as soon as I realised they were there to help me, I shared what I was thinking and was supported.
I have an APP link which might be helpful, with PP Insider Guides and dates of cafe groups with contact info here in the UK at app-network.org/peer-support/. There are also personal stories there which I hope will also be reassuring.
Try and find a little space in your day for yourself, take a step at a time and try to reach out to family or friends. We are all here for you ... PP mums are amazing .... take care. xx
Sending you massive hugs, you're sooo not alone. I too had a very traumatic birth due to being stranded 500 miles from home and having a premature baby (33 weeks). My psychosis came on very fast but went quite quickly too, but I remember pretty much all of it and like you felt awful about some of it... I'm four years on now and have learnt to accept and come to terms with it, but it was so hard, especially in the early days when it all felt so raw. All I can say is take every bit of help you can get, try to think of any friends you feel you can confide in, every time I managed to find someone else to talk to about it, it helped, and you know what, people who care about you love to be able to help and support you... each day is a step forwards in your recovery, you've been through such an awful time try to be kind and gentle on yourself (I still have to work at this at times). Sending you all the positivity I can xx
Hello Kitty12345Firstly, I’m so very sorry that you’ve had PP. It’s a hideous awful illness, and something that can just come so unexpectedly. I had it too, after my first baby back in 2016. A shock. And a devastating thing to happen. But I wanted to write, and say that I’m so glad you’ve found this forum. You wouldn’t have wanted to “find us” here I’m sure. Life can feel unfair. But I hope this forum can wrap its arms around you, just like it did me.
I first wrote here myself, when I’d just been discharged from a mother and baby unit. I was so desperate to feel like a normal mummy and not feel so very poorly as I did. I was deeply depressed. And sad. Alone. And feeling like no one would ever understand.
The women here, gave me hope. Hope that I could get better. And I really hope that in time you’ll feel that too. Don’t feel embarrassed. You’ve absolutely no reason to feel that way. You were poorly. Those that matter will understand that.
I’m glad to read you’re still accessing professional support from the perinatal team. Keep trusting them, and telling them how you’re feeling.
Are your family and maybe a partner there to support you too? I know when I was poorly it took me quite some time to come to terms with being poorly, and accept help. But with hindsight, I’m really glad that I leaned on the people around me.
Lean on us too, if it helps. We really do understand and “get it”. You’re not alone in this.
A few years on I’ve now got a very active nearly six year old, and a nearly two year old. As I think the saying goes, the days [can] be long, but the years are short. You’ll get through this. Keep talking, keep being honest with how you’re feeling. Take care, and give yourself the kindness you’d give a loved one.
I had very similar feelings to you, I posted online how I was feeling during my psychosis and cringe at some of the things I posted. Remember you had no control over what you were doing.
It took me a long time to attempt baby groups and the depression afterwards was difficult to deal with. (Not being able to drive didnt help)
Do you have a care coordinator who you can discuss everything with?
You've had lots of great replies already and I hope you feel very welcome to seek support here. I just wanted to say hello and that I can really relate to the anxiety and depression that can come after being poorly with psychosis. You're still in the very early days and it sounds like you've really been through it. Having a baby is tough at the best of times, without all the added complications you've had. It sounds like you're getting some help from the medical profession, so like others have said, just keep being honest with them.
My psychosis came on immediately after a very normal birth, but was only bad for a few days. After the main episode I had postnatal depression and anxiety, with the odd hallucination and strange belief still. Once I got the right medication and psychological support (4 months later, unfortunately), things did improve for me. Fourteen years on, it's still a scary time to look back on, but I got through it. I've only recently got involved with APP, and they're a great organisation for you to have found this early on in your progress.
You'll get better too, you really will, but I guess like any illness, you can't rush it. About getting out the house, I struggled with that too. What helped me a bit is that my health visitor connected me with a Homestart volunteer, who came along to some mother and baby groups with me. I didn't continue going to them without her, but it gave me a bit of confidence that I could get out the house. I preferred walking with the baby in the pram, and going to library Bounce n Rhyme sessions - things where I didn't have to talk to anyone unless I wanted to! You can self-refer to Homestart too home-start.org.uk/Pages/Cat...
Anyway, keep posting on here as we all help each other and it's good to get it all out! Let us know how you're getting on.
Hi Kitty, You've had some really great responses already. All I can add is that this sounds so similar to me 18ish months ago. I too had a traumatic birth with my baby separated from me in special care.
When we were reunited I got no rest and psychosis set in. I was sent to an MBU when my baby was 10 days old. After 8ish weeks in an MBU I was home but broken.
Don't underestimate how institutionalising being in a hospital for that length of time can be. I'm still not over it now.
I too struggled too, to get out of the house. It was all too much and I was so tired and sedated on the medication.
I think you're doing really well to have reached out already. It took me a lot longer to accept help. I think I just wanted it to be over, out of hospital and well again. The reality for me was that that it was a much longer road to full recovery than I ever anticipated. I still don't have my confidence back, but slowly as the months pass I am starting to feel a slow improvement.
App have a brilliant peer support worker scheme. I find it so helpful to speak to someone who has been through it & recovered to give me hope that it will be different one day. I also have a homestart volunteer who comes once a week to support me. These are my absolute lifelines and something I would thoroughly recommend.
Thank good care of yourself and be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot. Xxx
Hi Kitty,I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you've got supportive friends and family. I too had acute postpartum psychosis 2 and a half years ago.
I know the exact feeling about feeling distrustful of family and friends, I've had private therapy now for 8 months and that has really helped, I sometimes still get the paranoid feeling, but it's when my medication is wearing off.
It does get better honestly, my confidence grew and I started to feel back to my old self. Time is a healer.
I also found that as my baby grew older it got a lot easier.
I now look back at it and think wow how strong am I?! And you are too. X
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