How to go about this with my fiancé - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis

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How to go about this with my fiancé

HrleeGT profile image

Hello I’m new to this. My fiancé just got diagnosed with postpartum psychosis and is currently in HMU . She will be getting released today . What’s the best way to go about her condition to help the process for her to get better?

14 Replies
AndyHenderson profile image
AndyHendersonVolunteer

Sorry to hear about what you're going through.

There's an extensive guide for partners in the APP-network web site at app-network.org/partners/

It's hard to provide general advice, but please bear in mind your fiance is undergoing a serious illness that will take some time for you both to overcome. There are no quick fixes, so you'll need to be patient and prepared for set-backs along the way. Having said that my wife, like most sufferers, came out the other side completely recovered and off medication.

There's a private Facebook group for partners at facebook.com/groups/APPpart... if you have some specific questions or you just want a chat,

Andy

Thank you very much it has been very difficult and I want to support her in any way possible. I will surely look into that guide .

Hello, HrleeGT,

Thank you for reaching out to us. That's positive that your partner is being discharged today.

APP have some great resources.

There is a facebook partner group:

facebook.com/groups/APPpart...

And also an insider guide for partners which you might find useful:

app-network.org/wp-content/...

Alos one for recovery after PP:

app-network.org/wp-content/...

Take care and look after yourself. Sometimes partner aren't always a focus, when they need support as well.

Thinking of you and your fiancé.

At this point I’m willing to do anything to help her get through this . Thank you will look into it.

Jocelyn_at_APP profile image
Jocelyn_at_APPPartner in reply to HrleeGT

She will get through this, myself and other women on the forum are proof of that.

I had PP 5 years ago and while it is a horrible and traumatic thing for someone to watch their partner go through, you are doing an amazing job supporting her. This isn't forever.

Hi HrleeGT,

Glad you’ve found us and welcome to the forum; there have already been some great resource links given.

My wife went through PP and I found the whole experience really tough and traumatic at the time. I remember being both really happy and also really worried about my wife coming back home; it was an up and down road but gradually things kept on improving and we came out the other side.

My wife wanted to get better as soon as she could, so did I! but to be honest we ended up, soon realising that we just couldn’t rush it, supporting, listening, just being there.

I wanted to do everything I could but it’s also good to make sure you look after yourself too (although that's always easier said than done).

We were lucky, in that we were able to get a little support from a local charity that came round for 3 hours a week, to spend time with my wife, chatting, occasionally going for a walks together with little ‘un, shopping or just having a cuppa; it all helped towards re-building confidence.

Thinking of you all.

HrleeGT profile image
HrleeGT in reply to Simon_at_APP

Thank You Simon_at_APP going to do whatever it takes .

EmiMum profile image
EmiMumVolunteer

Hi HrleeGT,

I am so sorry to hear that your fiance was diagnosed with pp. It is a huge trauma.

Others above have already mentioned the guides in the app site, they have lots of information about what is and what isn't pp. Those have been compiled by professionals with input from other mothers that went through what your fiance is living at the moment. Pp is a serious mental illness but she will recover from it, it will take time, but she will get through.

I recently re-read a blog post written by a mum who suffered from pp some years ago, and it had very good insight on what this illness means for the woman who experiences it and also her family:

ppsoupdotcom.wordpress.com/...

Hang in there, you are being an amazing support for your fiance, she is finding that invaluable at the moment, and it will be a huge help in her recovery. But try to find a bit of space for yourself as well, this is a marathon not a race.

Take really good care and hope things get better soon, write here whenever you feel like it, we are all here to listen

I really wish you all the best.

My wife has taken a long time to recover, around 14 months later she is starting to get back to her normal self.

My advice, keep life as simple and gentle as possible. As stress free as you can make it.

Think carefully about anything you say before you say it - she might misinterpret what you said and this can feed any paranoia.

Take anything she says with a pinch of salt. If it is offensive, just ignore it or change the subject if you can - which can be difficult. She will probably later forget that she even said anything.

She will at times of lucidity, probably be quite anxious or depressed about her condition, reassure her, give her a hug at this time.

It is okay to get frustrated. Many times I walked into the bathroom, a good place to hide really as you have an excuse to be there 😀 and ranted and raved to myself how much I hated her. It’s ok because you know that you don’t really. I found it a pretty good defense mechanism just to stay sane myself.

Most importantly of all, anyone she knows who might be a troublemaker- keep them well away from her. Extended family, and perhaps not so extended in our case, were a disaster. These were the people, who never wanted us to get married in the first place, who fed the illness with content from the get go. Keep away!

Lots of love from me and prayers for the best for you and your family.

CG

HrleeGT profile image
HrleeGT in reply to Fatimahg

Thank you Fatimahg this pointers really help and everything everyone is saying is true. I’ll be sure to come here more often as I try my dearest to grasp this situation and handle it the best way possible.

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello HrleeGT

I’m so glad you have reached out and found such good support here. As well as your loving support, I hope your fiancé will have professional care now that she has been discharged. If you are in the UK your fiancé should have support from the perinatal mental health team?

I had PP many years ago and was under mixed general psychiatric care. I eventually went home after building up from one night, to one day and then a weekend. I don’t know how long your fiancé has been in hospital but when I returned home it took me a while to find my place. At first I missed the security of the psychiatric unit and found gong home to routine a little overwhelming. So I think it might be quite a challenge at first but as you have seen from other replies, your fiancé will get better in her own time. I hope you have support for yourself too.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Take care .. we are al here to lean on .

tbh you've already got loads of great advice on here, as far as I know it's all very different from person to person so all you can do is take your time and make sure you do things for yourself and your newborn too- don't get frustrated if your fiancee can't do as much as she would have, my wife works with kids and is great with them so it was a learning curve for me to have to take the lead! Make sure your local mental health team step up, shout at your GP if they don't. My wife had PP with both our kids, but went on to enjoy her mat leave, the second time was less panic for me and just shrugging my shoulders and getting on with it 👍

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello HrleeGT

I hope your fiancé is coping after being discharged from HMU and the replies and links have been helpful.

Please remember to look after yourself too as it’s a lot to come to terms with and some days might be harder than others. I hope you have support. Take care

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello HrleeGT

Just wondering how you have been since your fiancé was discharged from the HMU a few months ago? I hope she is having ongoing professional support and you have support for yourself too.

We are all here to lean on if it helps at all. Stay safe .... take care.

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