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Hi I'm a new daddy , my partner has been diagnosed with ppd and it's unreal the pain i see her in , it breaks me , it also breaks me when she gets upset or angry ....how do you do it someone please help

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  • Hello Mikedaddy

    I'm really sorry to hear how upset you are watching your partner as she struggles with PPD. Although this forum is for mums and families experiencing or recovering from Postpartum Psychosis, many of us have also had depression during recovery.

    Is your partner being treated at home or in hospital? Following my second PP I suffered what seemed like an endless depression which was very challenging for my husband and family. Some days were worse than others and I found it difficult to get out of bed to face the day at times. I was also aggressive which was very out of character and hard to understand. I was mostly treated at home and had support from the mental health team. It took me a while to find my way through depression as I was also recovering from PP. Eventually with good medical care and family support I fully recovered.

    There will be other mums here to share their experiences. It's a shame that the gift of a baby can develop into such an illness. Please remember to look after yourself too as this can be a stressful time for everyone.

    Take care.

  • My daughter in law has PPP, my granddaughter is 6 months old. I don't know whether you are looking after the baby, or your partner is at home and so you are looking after both. This illness can be managed and will improve, it is however, very difficult to see someone you love in such a place, and you probably feel very alone. If you can get support, please do. If you feel you can ask friends and family to support you through this time, make sure you ask. Help with practical things for you will be something people can do and it will help relieve some of the pressure. Enlist help if you can, I don't know if you're parents or in laws are around, I do hope you have someone who'll give some practical as well as emotional support. If someone says, "is there anything I can do?", they usually mean it..... take them up on their offer!

    When baby sleeps, you take a rest, make sure you eat!! If you don't look after yourself who will look after Mom and Baby!

    Make sure you talk to the doctors so that you understand exactly what's going on. Make a list of questions so you don't forget what you wanted to ask

    My family is in Australia, but my son 'phoned most days, usually just to talk, a listening ear, someone to calm his fears. I didn't have any experience of PPP but sometimes all he needed was someone he could voice his deepest worries to, without judgement, I think it helped a little, especially in the early hours of the morning. He'd often put me on speaker 'phone as he walked the streets with baby in the pram in the early hours of the morning trying to get his daughter off to sleep, as he'd tried everything else. He was sometimes on the 'phone for an hour or so, I NEVER minded, as I felt at those times I was at least doing something.

    I am sure you'll get some good advice from here. I have been so supported by people on this site. I hope people will come forward with some support groups etc. for you to contact too.

    You'll get through this, take each day as it comes and ask questions here. We are 6 months down the line and my son and his wife have travelled a million miles in that time; I'd say they're stronger than ever and they certainly have a very happy, relaxed baby. It takes time and it is my understanding that every person's recovery time can vary.

    I feel for you all, for what you're going through, but don't try and do this on your own.

    Xx take care a concerned first time Grandma x

  • pandasfoundation.org.uk

    I forgot to add this website as a possible source of help xx

  • Hi

    I am a grandma who's daughter has had psychosis and has depression. Its very hard to see in someone you love suffering and there have been days where I have found it a struggle. If you can I would try and get help from family as that will take pressure away from you. Also try to keep in mind that the depression won't last forever and on the right medication it can be alieviated but sometimes it takes a few weeks for the tablets to work.

    I asked to talk to an understanding Gp in our practice and it really helped to just be able to talk to her and get my worries off my chest from time to time. I also find the posts on this forum helpful to read as it gives me an understanding of how my daughter might be feeling.

    Walking has also been very helpful to me as well as my daughter. Pop the baby in the pram and maybe your wife will go with you or may be she will prefer a bit of time on her own. My daughter did not enjoy being around her little one initially so time out helped her. Gradually she found walking has helped her as well. In her area they have a walking group and activities for depressed mums which is also helpful as depression can be very isolating.

    Things will get better and you will have to be a rock to your wife and little one and some days will be challenging but your love will help them both through this difficult time, and you are clearly a very caring person so they are both very lucky to have you.

  • I had a lot of anger during pp if my husband questioned me... It was very hard for me to see any other way than my own, and simple questions like "did you change the baby's diaper"would set me off completely.

    It was almost impossible for me to have compassion on him or see things a different way. We went to marriage counseling and she would empathize with him and inside I'd be criticizing.

    I don't know. I don't have much advice, other than now that we're through it, we are stronger but I've hurt my husband and we're trying to rebuild trust. Keep her favorite foods and don't pressure her but keep it open to let her eat, sleep, rest, as much as possible. Drink lots of filtered water, no sugar, no junk food, omega 3-6-9, and exercise helped me get back to base level.

  • Thank you all for your advice , alot of key advice here which will be truly taken on board , however a few important things I didn't mention yet can now as there key factors , firstly neither of our families are involved due to dramas and issues they all caused pre baby , we both refused for our children to be brought up around such narcissists ! Secondly my partner already suffers with C-ptsd and I have trauma issues too all of which wasn't an issue as she has been dealing with for years and I've just started working on personal development in the last few years yet the fact of how much we loved and love each other brought us to decide on a family together . There is absolutely no doubt there is true magical love between us . This is why I seek advice from afar because no matter what , I can't and won't lose my soulmate :((((

  • Hello Mikedaddy,

    I am very sorry for the pain and struggles you experience, and pleased that you can journalise and talk to this forum.

    Women on this forum have experienced PPP and some of us have other mental health issues once we've survived and overcome this traumatic illness. Of course, it has affected other family members as well, and especially my partner, who was my full time carer for the first 6 months, after I came out of a Psychiatric hospital.

    You have had some good advise from other mums and grandmas. Sometimes it is so difficult to work through things yourself, - you have to be so exceptionally strong, but that does not mean you can not seek for help.

    Often some very difficult choices have to be made in order to support recovery and subsequently protect health and well being for your loved ones, but also to look after yourself. Dads need help, too! I hope you can get some advice and information and may access some support; depending on regional/ local services...establishing your own support network.

    i.e. carer support groups, charities for guidance such as MIND, Pandas, Watch group etc. (access social sites)/ community Parish council NHS Partnership...for example in my area there is a support group for women with PND.

    We have no family support, but these are very different circumstances to yours...thus one has to find alternatives in order to establish a support network, therefore evaluation and assessing what could be tailor-made specifically for your unique family is of importance. In my view this has to be professional help, too. (GP, Psychiatrist, Heath Visitor, care coordinator - possible referral to counselling etc...various options) - this was the only way forward for us when things were very difficult.

    and yes...you know when you've found your soul mate! :-)

    Look after yourself.

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