PP confusion?

[OBkB]

Going through PP still over 4 months later...nothing seems to make any sense to me at all. I've never been so confused in my life. How do you deal with the confusion on top of delusions and everything else that comes with PP?

[Sally_at_APP Administrator]

Dear OBkB,

Welcome to the forum, I am so pleased that you have found us.

Firstly, I am sorry you have been through such a horrible and scary time. I had PP in 2015 and it was very scary at the time. I remember being very confused and spent a lot of time trying to work things out. I just couldn’t believe how confusing everything was.

I remember the amazing women on this forum telling me that things will get better and easier with time and they were right. Do you have support from health professionals? and family?

You may have seen it already, and it may be a bit much to take in at the moment, but we have a recovery guide that might be useful (app-network.org/wp-content/....

Take care and we are here if you need anything,

Sally x

[OBkB in reply to Sally_at_APP]

Thank you very much for your reply. It is good to know I'm not alone in all of this.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello OBkB

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on the birth of your baby So pleased you have reached out as you will find lots of support and shared experiences here. It is a shame that the joy of a baby should be tarnished by such a traumatic illness. I had PP many years ago and remember feeling helpless and very confused.

I think four months is early into your recovery, especially if you are still experiencing delusions. During my psychosis I also had delusions which were all very real and frightening at the time but eventually faded when a different medication was prescribed.

Are you in the UK and having perinatal mental health support, or a CPN visiting? There are very helpful PP Guides at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... one being "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and another for partners which I think you might find reassuring. There are also personal experiences on the page.

It does take a while to find your place again but with good medical care and support to talk openly about how you feel, you will feel stronger in time. Try not to rush to be well ... give yourself time to recover from such an awful illness and take care. We are all here to listen and understand how hard it must be for you.

[OBkB in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you for your reply LilyBeth...

May I ask what medication they prescribed you that ended up working for you?

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to OBkB]

Hello OBkb

Thanks for replying. I mentioned earlier that I had PP many years ago so medications might have changed. Reading from my medical notes, after my second PP, the Consultant Psychiatrist recorded that I should start on Stelazine 5mg twice a day and Disipal 5mg twice a day. Later in the notes there is another entry after review that the hallucinations / delusions appeared to be fading "probably due to the Stelazine".

I hope this is helpful. I think you are doing really well to communicate as this is something I was unable to do for a while. I'm so sorry you're confused with all that is happening at the moment but given time you will feel much better, one step at a time. Take care ..... you are definitely not alone

[Faylee]

It will get better ❤️ Just stay positive and believe it will pass! I had it 5 months ago with the birth of my first son, I didn’t know what was happening or if I was still here on earth or not, I was so zoned out and scared of the voices in my head! Mine thankfully passed within a few days and I was lucky enough not to need anti psychotics, but I was so frightened and anxious I am on anti depressants and they have been helping quite a lot. Have you been prescribed any medication? And even though I still get flash backs, I learned to get over it by forgetting what happened and mostly looking forward to the future, also trying to control my anxiety by breathing deep.. try meditation methods? And remember baby needs his/her mummy the most right now ❤️ Do you have family around to help so you can get plenty of rest? Hopefully you will start feeling better soon I pray everyone who gets this PP recovers fast and never experienced it again, I pray it never comes back!

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello OBkB,

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and a warm welcome.

May I reassure you there is light at the end of the tunnel! All these fabulous mums on this APP site had to cope with this traumatising illness and came out on the other side at the end.

This illness is serious and a good support network is required for recovery. I believe PPP does vary individually not only because of your own make-up (physiological/biological), links to therapeutic avenues, counselling opps suggested by health professionals. In addition the process of recovery depends on your own self-care, accessing help and support and focusing on tools to make you feel better, which I call "my toolkit".

Meditation, Sleep, good diet, compassionate friends, caring family members, a home which you can call your sanctuary, access to community activities either for your own time or together with your baby-pursuing a hobby and exercising, but also sharing your worries does help...it has helped me on so many levels...including journalising and further down my recovery reiki...

Remember just living in the moment and just trying to get better is just fine. Achievable goals can be reached in stepping stones and in your own time without expectation or pressures by others...allow yourself to say NO, if you have to in order to give yourself a cushion, before you are ready to make a decission.

Take care,

x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi OBkB,

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! I am so sorry you have had to live through such an awful illness following it. But it does get better in time. I had ppp last year and I am still confused about some events that took place back then, I think this is very common. Don't push yourself too hard, give yourself time and space to recover from the big trauma that is ppp. In the early months of my recovery I found that keeping a diary helped me to keep an objective view of my illness. That was very important to me as I tended to blame myself for not being there for my baby in the first weeks of her life, putting my family through so much, what didn't I blame myself for!

Physical activity and counselling played an important role in my recovery, can I ask if you have a talking therapy service available? This and the amazing support of my family saw me through the worst.

On medication I was initially put on olanzapine, diazepam and clonazepam (those last 2 for a relative short period of time), l stayed on olanzapine for a long period and I am also currently taking sertraline too.

We are thinking of you, take good care

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello OBkB

Just wondering how are you since you posted? I hope the shared experiences were helpful and you are having support to help you through such a stressful time.

It did take me a while to find my place again and I felt almost like a different person when I read about my delusions! I think there is much more support around today so hopefully you will be reassured. Please don't suffer in silence and try to talk openly to professionals about how you feel, as you are only a few months into recovery after such a traumatic illness.

Take care ..... we are all here to lean on.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi OBkB

I hope you’ve been ok since you posted. I just wanted to agree with what’s already been said, it will get better.

It is so very confusing, I remember that was my overriding feeling once the most acute symptoms settled down. I think it’s a sign of getting better, just so much to process and try to make sense of (a lot of which just doesn’t make sense!) when your brain has been so stuck somewhere else - it must be constantly questioning and checking what it’s presented with, if that makes sense!

It takes time, and the more time passes and your brain can recognise and be sure about what’s real, the less confusing it will be as you learn to trust your surroundings again. That’s my take on it anyway.

Take care, it will get easier.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello OBkB

I hope you have support around you to cope with the delusions and aftermath of PP. Hopefully your care team will be reviewing you regularly and in time you will gradually feel more able to cope. It does take time to come to terms with all that you have been / are going through. Take care.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

How are you OBkB,

wishing you well and hope you have a support network in place. We are always here for you, if you need us to listen x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello OBkb

Thinking of you and hope your care team has been able to help. As you know PP is a very traumatic illness and it does take time to fully recover and deal with the aftermath. I hope you have good support around you. Take care.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Thinking of you, too

x