Recovery help advice?

[Hmcw]

Hi ladies from across the pond!

DH and I live in the states. I was hospitalized in October after experiencing my first PPP episode following 8 months after his birth. I had severe sleep deprivation and abruptly quit breastfeeding on top of 4 years of infertility.

My hormones my body literally gave up. I had no idea I was pushing my body over the edge but clearly I did.

I’m home now after 9 days in the hospital. I’m pretty depressed. Only have 1 friend and really need to get out of the house! I am really missing the social connections but I’m ashamed and embarrassed to say the least.

How do you pick up the pieces. What helps?

Books, activities? I have trouble being alone bc it’s too scary.

I do have help with my son during the day but I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel lost.

Thanks ladies! - H

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Hmcw

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experience. Here you will find lots of support so I'm glad you have reached out. It's such a shame that the gift of a baby should be tarnished by such an awful illness isn't it? As it's not long since October I think it's very early days and there are ups and downs on the way to recovery.

Please don't feel ashamed or guilty .... you had no control over your illness and no choice! I remember reading about my psychosis and delusions and it felt as though I had been a completely different person It would be a good idea if you could reconnect socially as it's not good to feel isolated, especially if you are depressed. I wonder if you have heard of Postpartum Support International at postpartum.net/. Depending on where you live in the US they might have support local to you?

You might have read from some replies here that I had PP twice many years ago followed by what seemed like an endless depression. I carried unfounded guilt and shame for years until I found APP and was so relieved that other mums here really understood. For the first time in a long time I felt good about myself.

I'm not sure about after care in the US? Apart from help during the day do you have a Community Psychiatric Nurse to visit you for a chat? You might have already seen the Insider Guide "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... but it might be helpful to read.

I know it's hard when you are feeling low as everything is an effort but with good medical care and support you will fully recover. Be very proud that you have come so far in your struggle with such an awful illness. Try to build support around you and take good care of yourself. I'm sorry I've rambled as I know when you are depressed it's very hard to focus.

Sending a virtual hug to you across the pond .... we are all here to lean on. xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Hmcw,

Kindness towards yourself helps. Give yourself a massive pat in the back, you have done so well to have come this far. I found yoga helps me to focus on the present and not let intrussive thoughts. Reading was difficult for me at the beginning I couldn't concentrate for long periods of time due to anxiety, but short stories or articles could be something to try. Physical excersice in general I found very beneficial. Hang in there, we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.