PTSD

[Poulson]

I have been reminiscing about decorating my daughters bedroom. She had a lot of friends at school. I recall taking her to school and making sure she was ok. She was excelling at school. I had to take her out of school as she was being bullied. I asked the teacher to give her extra home work. I recall having birthday parties for my daughter when she was 4 and all my friends came. I had lots of friends who I would go out with. I made friends easily.. I asked my friend to look after my daughter while I went to work and she said yes. I would invite all my friends to the house and have Anne Summers parties. I moved to another house and was very when my son was born was unhappy so we moved to another house nearer to school for my son. I was happy with my children but my husband made my life a misery. I called me names and would drink constantly while I was trying to look after the kids. He had me arrested many times and called me a child abuser and said I was downloading child porn. That was not true. He would have me locked up in cells and take the children from me. I was put in prison twice. I never abused my children and would never dream of doing so. I was happy being a mum, but my family made my life so difficult that it was impossible to live my life as I wanted to. I have my good memories of my kids and nobody can take them away. I have memories of Christmas and birthdays. I would take my kids on days out to the seaside and loved it. I recall going to Disneyland Paris with my daughter and coming home to my son. He was being bullied at school by a teacher and I had to go to school to sort it out. I was unhappy with him as he called my son a liar. My mother was on his side and tried to keep me in prison and hospital. I wish I had never set eyes on my husband. but he is dead now so he cannot hurt me anymore. I am happily married to my second husband and would not change my kids for the world.

[Hidden]

You have won through. Thanks for sharing this. To be reunited with your family

must be enough to shut the door and not look back. Suppose we have to live each day at a time but when you are living through a nightmare it is hard to find a way forward. It was a bitter sweet reminiscence. You must be really strong to have coped with everything and to have rebuilt your life. You are amazing!

[Poulson]

I have been grounding myself by looking at my baby photos and remembering the nice things I have done with them. I am not feeling down anymore. My family cannot take my memories of my kids away from me although they would like to. My mother and dad would argue and put me in the middle asking me to take sides. I remember being in the bedroom one day and screaming saying will you shut up please. I remember Christenings. When my daughter was ill I took her to the doctors but they said I was overprotective. My dad calls me Mad Max and my mother will not look me in the eye. I have nothing but contempt for my family. My mother wanted custody of my daughter from the day she was born and put all kinds of obstacles in my way. I wanted a life with my daughter but she would not have it she was so jealous of me. She never wanted me and made my life a misery. I met my first husband and had an ectopic pregnancy. I was devastated. It was the only time my mother showed me any affection. She said You will have to try again I had my son and was elated. If I didn't have sex with my husband he would turn over and go to sleep and ignore me. He didn't want my son to go to church, but my son went with me to The Jehovas Witnesses. He would speak up and enjoyed it. My husband was a drinker and would get violent with me and shout abuse at me. He kept on ringing the police on me and having me arrested and put in cells. He said I was doing things to the children which was not true. I spent more time in psychiatric units than with my family. I regret ever meeting him. He made my life a misery. My mother was with him all the way and they put all the blame on me having a mental illness which was convenient for them. I once sent a message to my dad saying I want you and my mother and brothers at my house to thrash out what they have done to me. My mother came and told me, Stephens drinking problem is your fault Your brothers drink problem is your fault. I had Christmases for my family and decorated all my own houses.When my daughter was little my mother kept a diary on me. She accused me of all sorts of things which were not true. She would threaten me not to go out with my friends and when I was married she even threatened me not to go out with my husband. I was bullied and controlled all my life by my parents. I am away from them now and they can't hurt me anymore. I know I am a good mother and nobody can tell me otherwise.