Severe pnd after ppp

[Riham]

Hello ladies,

Hope all is well I wonder if anyone here experienced sever pnd with psychosis features, my depression doesn't go away and it's the worst feeling ever I can't even express it.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Riham

I'm sorry you're suffering at the moment. Depression is so hard to lift yourself out of, although you try so hard. I had severe depression following my second PP which lasted for almost a year. From my notes I was diagnosed with endogenous depression for which I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals to receive treatment in times of crisis.

It is an awful feeling and must be hard to cope with on your own. Did you meet the worker from the support group today? I hope when you see your psychiatrist this week he will be able to help you.

Thanks for sharing ..... we are all with you and understand how you feel.

Take care.

[Riham in reply to Lilybeth]

Dear Lilybeth,

Thanks for your reply I. Did see the volunteer today and we had a chat for 90minutes which was good but still it's like you are trapped in your own mind forever nothing seems to be distracting.I believe depression as way worse than psychotic episodes it's just a nightmare I wanted to end ,I will see my psychiatrist again this week ,I still have hope Lilybeth that this dark shadow will melt away , it's just like a choking feeling and I don't wanna stuck in this forever.I wanna be there for my son sometimes I just feel like I wanna be sectioned and be away from all of this ,but I am so scared things would get worse and the doctor never advised me to go to a psych ward .I just wish sometimes that I would have cancer or die by any disease to get rid of this suffering without being blamed.

I hope things will get better

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Riham]

Hello Riham

I know you're in the depths of despair at the moment but the darkness will lift eventually. I was just like you and thought I'd never be well but with the right medical care and treatment I recovered and have had many happy years since with my sons. I was sectioned for PP but not my depression. I was mainly treated at home during my second PP and hospitalised in times of crisis.

It doesn't feel like it at the moment but you honestly will feel better in time. Recovery is different for all of us, some days are endless but you will get there. It can't be easy for you coping with the stigma attached to mental illness but just remember that it's not your fault and you should not be blamed.

Trust in your psychiatrist, he'll be monitoring you to keep you safe and guide you through this awful time in your life. Stay safe and be strong .....

[Hidden]

Dear Riham,

even though life appears to be bleak at the moment for you and struggles are endless, just try to focus on tasks at hand and work closely together with your Psychiatrist.

In my case hospitalisation in a mixed gender psychiatric clinic eventually tackled the psychosis, but the poor care, negligence and abuse I experienced slowed down my general recovery afterwards.

I suffer with menstrual psychosis, and occasionally there are lows, but mainly mayor hyperactivity and mind racing. In addition my agora and social phobia (which set in when coming off medication) is hyper sensitised at least 2 weeks throughout the month. Senses are on extreme alert ( I am wearing ear plugs right now, because of noises around me

Why am I mentioning this all: I believe as Lilybeth said, 'recovery is different for all of us'.

I have had to re-learn skills such as communicating and socialising, and still beating myself up with this (I still 'freeze' when it gets too busy i.e. super market). My partner helped me to get back into a routine and to focus on essential living skills subsequently to be able to look after my baby and myself.

I attended peer support, group therapy sessions, have had support work and still am in touch with my care co-ordinator. It has been 6 years since the Psychosis. I believe at this moment you are developing your support network, which is important for focus and routine, especially trying to link up with professionals and mum-groups, perhaps try meditation and/or join classes/hobbies you may enjoy. All in stepping stones, be patient! You are very eloquent and express your feelings well-there are people who will understand and listen!!!

Yes and there is light at the end. You have to believe in yourself and your purpose.

Take good care of yourself,

Sabine x

[Riham]

Thanks Sabine and Lilybeth you just gave me a boost to wake up tomorrow and fight again this horrible illness .sending you love and hugs 🤗 hopefully tomorrow will feel better and will update you

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

I hope you have a restful sleep, Riham.

We are all here for you. Take care.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Riham

I'm so sorry you're feeling low. I had severe depression too after pp... it was the worst, like you say worse than the psychosis . But I promise you it really doesn't last forever. I found the good times just got more frequent and the really low times got less...and I became fully well and myself again...

It's good you talked with another mum whose been through it, the best kind of support. And do talk with your psychiatrist. I found cognitive behavioural therapy really helpful in helping me combat negative thoughts...

You are doing amazing looking after your son through it all

Take care x

[Riham]

Hello beautiful mums ,so I made it and I woke up drop off my son to nursery and will try to do as the supportive mum advices me yesterday. To do a short list for my low time ,depression is the ugliest thing ever and I had non stop irrational thoughts before bed .i hope I will feel better soon as I. Any take it anymore .I have been unwell for so long sometimes I feel I forgot how to be normal again .

I will ask my psychiatrist for cbt recommendation.

What depresses me also that there were lots of unwell mums got so well with a magic pills and non have worked yet for me .I wish I just had this magic pills that would work so fast with me and release me from this suffering.

Love Riham

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Riham]

Hello Riham

Glad you battled through your thoughts ...... you're amazing coping on your own. That's a good idea to make a list when you feel low so that you can show it to your psychiatrist. CBT is a good talking therapy too if he can refer you for this.

Try not to compare your recovery to other mums whose pills have worked for them ..... we are all different. Your psychiatrist will know what's best for you so trust in him and you will come through this. For now, enjoy the special times with your son to brighten your day and lean on your inner strength.

Take good care ..... thinking of you.

[Hidden]

Hi Riham

I had my first episode in January and have been suffering with depression since. It comes and goes and I struggle with my emotions. Coping with an 11 month old is testing also. I'm due to see my consultant on Wednesday so hope to have some assurance that things are going in the right direction. Being in the house all day can also bring me down as most of my friends live down south. Hope you get the support you need from this site and feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Sending hugs x Beth

[JoannaBrooks]

Hi there, I also found the severe depression I had after the mania/psychosis was almost the worst bit. They gave me the SSRI sertraline (eventually after I insisted) and it did eventually made a difference for me, but it's also a time-thing. Those months were so hard (I was still in the mother & baby unit) and I found the world was so bleak and it was awful. I have been so well since, and I never thought it possible to recover. It's been 6 years now since, and life has been so good in the past 6 years. But I was 100% convinced I'd be like it forever. I can guarantee you won't be. It's a chemical thing and it will eventually pass. Counselling also helped me. So sorry to hear you are suffering. I remember Trisha Goddard (who used to do a chat show years ago) saying she got so sympathy when she got cancer, but actually it was so much easier than the black depression she had in the past (but people don't appreciate how bad depression can be, and how debillitating). Everyone here who has been through it 100% gets how tough you are finding it, having been there, but please please try to keep the faith. You WILL get through it. X Big hug.

[Riham]

Hello all ,so as I am feeling a awful and awful everyday and not getting better I called my psychiatrist and he told me I have to take another antidepressant,that I haven't try before as I am feeling not well since I come of the antidepressant which wasn't doing a lot but was keeping my depression from being a severely. Please I need your support I feel that nothing would work as I tried many and just made me worse ,I don't stop crying but dubai mums are giving me a great support but when u feel horrible u just feel alone in this world

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Riham]

Hello Riham

We are all here so you're not alone. Do you have an appointment with your psychiatrist this week? It's quite difficult to have such an important conversation on the phone about changing medication which you haven't had before. There is a website choiceandmedication.org/ncm... which might be helpful. If you meet your psychiatrist this week ask him if he can refer you for CBT as this will be a good therapy for talking one to one about your thoughts and feelings. It must be difficult that you can't talk openly to your husband about your visits.

Unfortunately, there's no quick fix although some mums recover quicker than others but you will get better with good medical care. Try to lean on the friend you saw yesterday from the mamas group to see if you can meet again, as you are feeling so low, as it does help to talk to someone who understands. Try to surround yourself with as much support as you can ..... are there mums at your son's nursery you can meet .... company is a good way to cope, don't isolate yourself.

Stay safe and take care.

[Riham]

Hello Lilybeth,My psychiatrist told me this on the phone As he is moving to a new clinic next week so he will send me to his colleague to prescribe for me the medication and he told me this on the phone as I sounded horrible and was crying my eyes out ,my friend from dubai group saw me today and I will see her again tomorrow she is so supportive ,I am still so scared to try another medication and face the horrible side effects which I can't tolerate in my condition.

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Riham]

Hello Riham

I hope your day improved as it went on. It's good that your friend from the group is keeping in touch to support you. Try not to be scared about trying new medication as your psychiatrist must think it will help. I also needed other interventions as well as medication to lift my low moods.

You are slowly improving ..... at least you are communicating and taking care of your son, so try not to worry. With good care and support you will feel better day by day.

Take care.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Riham

Sorry you're struggling... I have to say I needed more than the medication to battle the depression. I recommend you do go on them, but my experience was I needed to do other things as well, and they are different from different people.

What helped me (do take or leave): I found planning my day helped - just making a list of small things I would do that day (household jobs, walk etc) which made me feel like I had achieved something. I also found writing something positive about the day at the end of it - even if some days I couldn't think of much but could just write 'my babies smile' or something - it all built up the positivity somehow. And time... time is a great healer I think and you will find it gets better slowly...

I too had a list of things that made me feel better...

Others have said exercise is really helpful (running / yoga etc) though I didn't manage to do much...

I hope some of this helps... you have come far from when you were initially ill, you are getting better, it's just not a quick and easy process... it's great you have support of the mum's there.

Take care X

[Riham]

Thanks all for your kind support,My day just got a better after I cried my eyes out and I felt the great support you all give me ,tomorrow I will go for a walk with my group support friend tomorrow and I asked her to be around her the first weeks of medication to monitor me .she is so supportive and I am happy she just live 2km away from me . I am just in the darkest side at the moment I am dying to see the light again ,hope I will soon and this med will be the right for me . Please keep writing to me and I will update you

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Riham

Try and have a good sleep. Crying can sometimes be a release of all the tension and stress building up, so sometimes it's good to let go. It sounds as though you have a good day planned for tomorrow, meeting your friend and going for a stroll. You will feel brighter eventually and hopefully your new medication might make all the difference.

We are all here looking forward to your next update.

Stay safe and take care.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Riham, it sounds as though you have come so far and I am sorry that the darkness of depression is hard for you at the moment. It is good to hear about your supportive friend and I hope that the shared experiences here have also been helpful.

When I had PP I never got the diagnosis of depression afterwards, or took any medication that was mentioned to be for being depressed, but looking back I was really low and at complete rock bottom in terms of confidence so I can relate to some of what you mention. It does get better though. Seeing the light after the darkness that you mention is just how it was for me too. I would also agree around crying being a release. Sometimes our emotions can feel too much and it is good to "get it all out".

I hope the last couple of days have been OK for you and we are here to chat whenever you feel you would like. Take care, xx

[Hidden]

Riham...women on this forum are thinking of you. Wishing you well.

Sabine x