I suffered with PPP after the birth of my beautiful first daughter in July this year. The birth was long, sleepless and quite traumatic and it was actually during childbirth that things started to go strange for me. I had an epidural after about 36hrs and whilst I was having the epidual put in and on gas and air something happened in my brain, it was like I heard and felt it happen and my mum and partner noticed something wrong with me from then, has anyone else has this experience? I can't actually remember the delivery and my time frame from after the birth is hazy, I can remember a lot of it and had delusional thoughts but can't really put an order on events. I spent 5 days in hospital and 3days in a psychiatric hospital, before being discharged to a home treatment team. The time on the psychiatric hospital was the lowest point for me, I didn't understand why I was there and was away from my daughter who was in NICU and the staff lacked any compassion. I have a really supportive family who have been brilliant and couldn't have got through this without them but sometimes it feels very lonely and I would like to talk to people who have been through the same thing. I was on olanzapine for 3 and half months which I have just stopped this week, I don't know if it is the tablets or what happened but I feel like my feelings are massively dampened and that gets me down, is this normal and does it get better? I was a really happy confident person before and It's hard coming to terms that this happened to me, my confidence has been so knocked. I also felt so guilty about what happened towards my daughter at the beginning, and think she deserves so much better, I often think I focus too much on what has happened to me rather than her and worry I don't love her enough, did anyone else feel like this?
Thanks for any advice and support