Confidence

[uksarah]

Anyone else experience a drop in self confidence and heightened anxiety in social situations after pp? Its been nearly a year since pp.i used to be a lot more confident anf chatty and now im pretty quiet and reserved. I find it hard fitting in with mothers groups and lack confidence in my work as well. Will the old me come back?

[Jocelyn_at_APP Partner APP]

I felt exactly the same way and am much better now - I had to be being a teacher and needing to come back to work!! But just after it all happened I didn't want to be around anyone at all and would feel really awkward around people I hadn't seen since before it had happened. Reading others people's stories mine was pretty mild, as 4 months down the line, I feel pretty much back to normal but am still on medication.

I am currently living in Brazil but moving back to the UK in November, so I don't know if that helps as no one saw me or knew what I was like during it all in the UK. I am also not really bothered what people think here any more, as I know I am leaving....

I am pretty sure a part of the old you will come back it will just take time and patience.

xx

[Mims2014]

I feel exactly the same, I think I'm much quieter and struggle with small talk now. I think it's understandable from what we've been through that our confidence would be knocked. We might just be analysing ourself too much also. Well done for getting back to work so quickly. Were you hospitalised? How long was it for you to recover? Did you have depression afterwards? X

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi uksarah

Thanks for your post. I just wanted to let you know that everything you have described rings bells with my experience too, and I think is very normal for PP. Each person's illness and recovery is different though, and some people take longer to recover than others.

I had PP in 2011 and so it is nearly 4 years since my episode. I had quite bad depression afterwards as well and I have to say it was nearly 2 years before I felt fully myself, though after about 18 months I was starting to feel OK. Like you I had a huge lack of self confidence, and yes felt quiet and reserved which wasn't like me at all.

I had an NCT group I would meet up with and like you I found it difficult to fit in too, partly because I missed the first few months of them bonding as a group as I was in a mother and baby unit. And my experience was so different from them, and I did find it hard being with them when they seemed so happy and didn't seem to be struggling in the same way. It made me feel sad and jealous as I so wanted to be well like they were. Finding APP really helped me not to feel alone, and to fully come to terms with everything that happened.

But your old you will definitely come back - I felt for a long time that I would never be myself again but I promise you will. I hope you have good support - counselling, CBT, support from a mental health team? As well as friends and family?

Take care X

[uksarah]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I do see a psychiatrist once a month. I haven't been offered cbt or counseling but may be a good idea

I still get a lot of flashbacks to my experience of pp which make me very upset just at random times. I hope they will disappear in time. Not nice to have to relive it again

Yes sally I was hospitalized for about a month. Was horrible with pp but also being away from my son. I hope the flashbacks will fade with time and my self confidence comes back. I am also a teacher and don't quite feel I'm at my best at the moment.

[Sarah2015]

Hi UKSarah,

I felt exactly the same after PP. I had counselling and talked to my CPN endlessly about my lack of confidence. I was utterly convinced it was my medication and that might have been part of it.

I know it's a cliche but time does heal things and I'm now (mostly) back to being me.

[Sarah2015]

PS Well done for getting back to teaching! I was a teacher but my confidence was shattered by PP and now I'm too scared to try again in case I fail again.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi UKSarah,

I too lost all confidence and was really anxious/spaced/ lacking in anything really for a good while after my pp episode. A bit like the shell of a person I think. It was so hard as I'm normally such an outgoing and fairly confident person. I felt broken into a million tiny pieces and like I didn't know how or where to start in trying to rebuild my life.

When I went back to work as planned, it was too soon really in hindsight although it did give a focus in some ways. My job had changed and it was hard learning new things and new people when not at my best. I heard people whispering that I was perhaps not coping but became really determined to prove them wrong. Something to focus on again I think.

Teaching seems to be a busy and challenging area tho and I understand your anxiety in this. Is there someone at work you can talk to, ask for any extra support, perhaps like a buddy system? I know my work offered an Occupational Health assessment before I went back which was actually quite helpful. And the person I saw was an ex midwife who did understand although it can be tricky to explain pp to people who haven't had or heard of it. The APP guides are useful, perhaps for others as well as yourself, here's the link app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

To answer your question, yes you will absolutely get better socially and more confident. A few months after I was discharged from hospital I managed to go to a birthday party and stay awake after 9pm which was a huge achievement at the time! I used to be so desperate for the"old me" (i know my husband and others were too) and whilst the way I feel is that as pp women, we are somehow unable to escape our experiences, but not always in a negative way. Sharing with others on here or elsewhere can be really helpful. Time is a great healer and it sounds like you're doing pretty well less than a year on. Each month will be another milestone and you can be proud of how far you have come. Take care, xx