A bit stressed at the moment

A bit stressed at the moment!

I have been thinking about my episode of PP a lot recently. My episode of PP was the day before New Years Eve 2012. I new that something was not right a few days before Christmas, but keeped telling my self if I got some sleep I would be okay. The PP did not start until My son was 9 months old. In previous years we have always taken it in turns to do Christmas dinner between me and my Sister in law. in 2012 it was my turn to do the dinner. I really do not know how I managed the dinner that year. At this time my mind was racing and it was difficult to concentrate on one thing at a time.

Christmas 2014 was my turn again to do the cooking. Leading up to Christmas my mother in law told me the she was having an operation on her shoulder and it would take around 6 weeks to recover an her operation was 2 weeks before Christmas.

In the next conversation with me she asked if I wanted her to do Christmas Dinner. I was so up set at the time that she asked me this. It was as if I could not cook a meal without getting ill in here eyes. Although I went back to work in the March of 2013 and cook Sunday Dinner most weeks.

This made me think of how people Jude me sine PP. It also made me think how Friends and family treated me at the time. Looking back not many of them treated me in same way you would if you were in hospital for say an operation. None of my in laws even sent a simple text message sending their thoughts. I think I would have been treated differently if my episode had happened a week after the birth of my son and I was in a mother and baby unit not a mental health unit. I do understand it is difficult when you don't understand mental health. At the time I found this difficult and it was this website helped me and my husband understand what had happened.

I have also made the decision not to have any more children resently. As I decided it would not be fare on my son if I was to have a relapse. I definitely would have had another child if it was not for the PP. Every time I see someone pregnant or holding a new born I get so upset now.

I just had to share this with people who understand and might have gone through similar issues.

7 Replies

  • Hi , thank you for sharing. I suffered from PP after the birth of my son and am still recovering 24 months later. We also made the difficult and painful ( for me decision to not have any more children. It is tough but I do doubt we could all go through the same thing again and come out as a family that is together. I try and remind myself to be grateful for what I already do have and concentrate on managing my condition the best I can. You are not alone and this forum is a great place to read and share. Many people will never understand the devastating effects of mental illness because they can't see it or sometimes they are simply afraid. Sending you virtual hugs. Stay strong x

  • Hi

    Like you I also knew something was wrong, I suffered pp in 1999 with my 1st son, and it was about 2 weeks until I found the right help. I spent 6 weeks in a pyschartic unit, without my son as unfortunatley there was no m&b unit available, I was also far too ill to be able to look after him at first, but he did stay with me nearer the end, and then many months at home recovering afterwards, trying to put the pieces all back together. My relationship with my mum had never been great, but in times leading up to the birth she really did try, I really needed her to support me, but with her lack of understanding of metal health, her famous words of just get on with it, is probably something I feel you can relate too and many others on here.

    In 2002 though my 2nd son was born, I had a wonder full team of health proffesionals behind me, and even though pp was present, it was controlled by medications, I was at home with my son, living a normal life...just with a lot of visitors!...

    So in 2007 I divorced and met my new partner, and we have a son now too born in 2011, another episode of pp but again at home controlled by medications, living a normal life...with even more visitors then before lots has changed since 2002, with the help of the app website he has found the information he needed to be able to support me and understand mental illness, something he knew nothing about. There is lots of support on here and now we are in 2015 it is easier to find the help and guidance you need.

    I found my way through pp 3 times, by being honest and true to myself, thinking about how I am feeling, what is affecting my moods. I made sure I was honest to the team who cared for me and let them know my fears and worries.

    Sending Hugs (( ))

  • Hi, thank you for sharing. I had an episode of PP in August 2013 5 days after the birth of my son and although I did go into a mother and baby unit I still feel similar to you. I felt let down by some people who were unable to accept that I'd had a mental illness and wouldn't talk about it afterwards. I really wanted people, especially family, to understand what had happened but I often came up against a brick wall. Most of my close family were fantastic and it was dad who even said "stop saying sorry, you wouldn't apologise if you'd had to go into hospital for a broken leg or something and it's just the same, it's an illness." I really needed to hear that and to accept it myself. APP has helped as I forwarded the info to the people who found it hardest to acknowledge. I totally understand where you're coming from on that. As for having another child, we've put it off for a little longer after deciding after Christmas to try again. Neither of us were ready and I wanted a little longer to prepare. I think it's a very brave and selfless decision you have made to not have any more children. I often fear if it happened again the impact that would have on my son (now 18 months). Thank you for sharing again xx

  • Hi Nink, I fully understand how you're feeling & felt very similar to all the comments above. I also decided not to have any more children which although a painful decision, it was right for us. Having one child wasn't what I'd imagined but it's equally as perfect. I would say though that that was a long time ago & things are different now - there's so much more support & information available there's no need to rule it out at all. There are options & if you read through the posts from others who've had another you'll find lots of ways that they managed it.

    When I was making my decisions I never got to meet or speak online to anyone who'd gone on to have another so I was obviously v scared & thought I just couldn't put everyone through all that again. If I knew then what I know now, things might have been different. Now I know there are SO many PP women with successful 2nd time stories!

    You might find this Insider Guide helpful for more info before you make any firm decisions, 'Planning Pregnancy for Women at High Risk of PP': app-network.org/wp-content/...

    Whatever you choose, it looks positive & it'll be right decision for you.

  • Hi Nink,

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    It is hard, people's responses. I have been very lucky. My family were so supportive, and my close friends. But my mum suffered from a psychotic illness for several years, and so they were not fazed at all by the illness in some ways, and were able to support me so well. In some way it increased the bond with my mum, I understood better what she has been through. And my partner's mum works in a psychiatric unit and so she understood and was so supportive as well. But I know that this is luck/chance in some ways and could easily be different.

    I too have made the difficult decision - I think - not to have anymore children. Time is running out age wise as well! I do feel a pang too when I see babies, especially my NCT group many who have had second children. I feel jealous that the decision is so easy for them (or at least it seems to be). Having said that my son is my world, and I feel he is enough for me somehow and a part of me feels peace at my /our decision, but perhaps there will also be sadness. I am the same as you, I just can't bear the thought of putting my partner through it, and especially my son...and my good mental health is so hard won, I am scared to go back to the dark place. But as Andrea says there is loads of support out there now, I know that it doesn't have to happen again, or if it does you have different support and are able to recover quicker and easier.

    take care,

  • Hi Nink,

    People can be so cruel sometimes, without probably even meaning to be - feeling people judge you for whatever reason can be really difficult, and with something like PP and the shattered confidence I know I felt afterwards and trying to put the pieces back together, it was the last thing I felt I needed. I agree with you, that so many people need to have a better understanding of mental health. I was lucky that my in laws were quite supportive, although I think it was just more that I needed support and not to do with it being a mental health illness, maybe that doesn't matter and is how it should be.

    Having further pregnancies after PP is a really personal decision and for me, we decided that we wanted to have another baby. We were advised to have a longer than anticipated gap (it was 4 years in the end) and I also got lots of information and support from this forum, APP generally, and also a consultation with Dr Ian Jones in Cardiff who's connected with APP. This was a good thing, as my local services are pretty non-existant and I had a huge wait to see any mental health team as I'd been discharged after my PP - I didn't see anyone until about 8 months pregnant locally. We had the mindset of "be prepared, it can't be as bad as last time if you get ill" - and with a bit of luck thrown in, I stayed well. So it is possible.

    But I definitely had the pangs and longing you describe when seeing other friends pregnant and with tiny babies. A lot of people had a 2 year age gap, so if their babies were about the same age as my eldest, I had 2 years or so of these feelings. And it was hard, really hard. But you need to do what is best for you, like we did what was best for us as a family. Having had my PP in 2009, and not really feeling like myself for a year or so after, I am now really happy and settled and sort of at peace with everything that happened. I hope that things start to get easier for you and you are feeling less stressed now. Families can be like that though unfortunately! Take care, xx

  • Thank you all for your comments and support. I felt a lot better just by typing this Post out! X

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