I am writing here, since I'm alone in a very complicated life situation with so much dread and anxiety and feeling like giving up.sometimes. I feel extremely lonely right now. I would like to sleep and to not face life for some time because I only get stress and worries, fears, I have nightmares at night, no proper rest, no pleasure, no meaning. I don't think it's possible to live without meaning or direction, actually.I also know that, if I did what I'm describing, I would be risking my job and I would also get even more depressed and hopeless and make everything way worse. I have been in therapy for years but I do not get to solve my issues.
Today the person who's been my therapist the last 10 months told me she feels like she can no longer help me. It has been devastating. That was after she asked me to explain to her, in a detailed way, why I did not feel connected or safe with her. I thought that was so that we could try to repair it somehow but, after that, she said she would have to fake her personality and she would not simply be comfortable doing so. She has however been dismissive of what I told her about sometimes feeling invalidated (she hasn't even mentioned it nor apologised). She said she would try find someone else for me but still, it felt horrible, as if this person was abandoning me after being vulnerable about me not feeling safe. Honestly I do not wish her well after that, it's adding to my story of failed therapies.
I feel very lost and alone and I think that simply being able to chat privately with people going through similar challenges ASAP would help me be stronger the next days.
Thanks for reading
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