Rough nights

[Acorn2]

my life changed in October, I thought I was feeling better but since I moved out on Sunday my anxiety has been terrible. It keeps me up every night. I wake up in the middle of night sweating tossing and turning trying to stop thinking . I sometimes wake up to messages from my daughters dad saying how he miss me and wishes he never was so stupid to lose me but you don’t hurt someone physically and mentally that you love. I wish he was the person I thought so I could be my old happy self but I need to make myself happy and I’m struggling with that.

[Midori]

It takes time; don't try to rush it. You're grieving the end of what you thought was a stable relationship, and you've been let down badly by not just this man, but his whole family.

Concentrate on your daughter; she is also feeling the loss. Work together on it. But don't talk badly about him to her or it will taint any future relationship with them.

I'm glad you have gotten out. Now you need to see your doctor for support and maybe help, and your daughter does too. She's also lost her Grandma, along with her Dad.

Your husband may well try to get you back by 'lovebombing' you, sending you texts, flowers, begging you to come back, but think hard before you do, as his mother is untrustworthy. I would suggest a lawyer, to see what can be done to mitigate the problems.

It's entirely probable that you may need to get a restraining order against both him and his mother, it just depends on how they behave. From my point of view (and experience), sooner is better than later. Please try to stay off social media,, such as Twitter, or Facebook, to stop any nastiness from his friends and/or girlfriends.

Stay with us here, we will support you through the stuff.

Cheers, Midori

[Acorn2 in reply to Midori]

Wow thank you so much! This is what I needed. Exactly what you said about love bombing. He had years to make it right but instead cheated for years. He never planned on stopping until I caught him and now he’s sorry. I wish I could be one of the lucky ones that had a perfect family but that wasn’t my fate. Bless you! ❤️

[Srb3147]

It is so hard to sleep when you are thinking about all of the good times and things they did, bought, or said, and then reliving the bad things that were done, and the lies. That plays havoc on our minds even when we are strong. The continual contact is a technique that many narcissist use to try to convince you to stay. Some are very good at telling you whatever it is that they think you want to hear, but do they ever really change? If they promise to do something and they change that’s one thing. But if they say they’re going to do something and they fall back into the same old habit, or you catch them in more lies, or they do it a second or third time then they’re starting to show you a pattern. My grandmother used to say that when people tell you who they are it’s your choice whether or not you believe it. It’s so hard when we love someone to believe that they’re capable of doing the things that they do to us when they hurt us. The physical abuse piece is scary. The mental and emotional abuse isn’t better in the sense that it can still destroy you, but the physical abuse is always a scary thing. Because whatever they did the first time, what can they do the next time. Please be careful. No matter what you do if you have a baby girl she need you . I don’t know if this will help you at all, but I have some different things that I try at night when my heart is broken or if for whatever reason I can’t sleep even if it’s just I’m thinking about work. There’s an app called BetterSleep that you get to pick the certain sounds that soothe you and you can opt to add music to it or not and you can play it as background noise and it might help you shut down your brain so that you can sleep. For me that works when I’m tired and it’s like work related stuff, but if it’s something on a personal note. If there’s something wrong with one of my kids and I’m worried, or if it’s something that has me emotionally conflicted like when my mother was in the hospital and I wasn’t sure if she was going to make it and I was having a hard time getting it out of my head , I would play YouTube and for me I would put it on a sleep to scripture. And this very soft voice would come on and it would repeat scripture and it had a little bit of noise in the background and I would like that play all night and just having that talking in the background allowed me to sleep . My brain wasn’t able to hear that in the background and still think about the other stuff at the same time. They also have ones on YouTube where you can sleep to healing words or motivational words or things like that. You might have to find the one that works for you if they do . I’m not sure if those will help but I pray to God they do. I will keep you in my prayers . I’m using voice to text so please ignore any errors.