My wife did file for divorce, just 4 days before our 9th anniversary. Her reasoning was that she lost her love for me. The timeframe puts it about 4-5 months after diagnosis.
Being from a small town, 311 now, there’s not a pool of single people. I did open an eharmony account and have had a couple of ladies that have messaged me. How honest and open about AMN should I be upfront. Being 47 does not help either. With information at our fingertips it wouldn’t take long for someone to look it up if they wanted. If they did, then it would look like I was hiding something. That would be worse than letting them know about the disease in my eyes.
I am really feeling like I’m destined to be alone dealing with this disease at this point. If someone I was married to for that time can’t handle it, how would someone want to start a relationship be able to handle it?
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Equinney
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I’m so sorry to hear your wife left you after being diagnosed. So much for “in sickness and in health.” I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through because of this. My husband and I have been married 23 years and AMN has affected me where I’m in a wheelchair. I’m very blessed to have a loving caring man. Oh yes, our relationship has changed but not our love for one another. I feel you have to eventually tell anyone you may start to date what you’re dealing with. Maybe you could just start a friendship and have someone to talk to and begin there. Wish you the best.
I had been talking to a lady for the last few weeks, texting and on the phone. She has been having radiation for a small lump on her breast. She also has early adult onset Parkinson. She knew I used a walker to get around for any longer distances. Plans were that last Friday evening I was going to take supper to her and we were just going to watch a movie. I thought I would open be honest about AMN and of the symptoms and then the date ended up not happening and I believe I've been ghosted. Same goes for eHarmony, I thought I would be up front with a couple of ladies I'd been talking to, blocked, and I have been blocked by several on there. Yes, it would be nice to have someone in life, but at the same time, I feel like i need to prepare myself to not have anyone close. My wife of almost 9 years couldn't handle this, so it's hard to expect someone to want to go into a relationship with someone with it. I know that "there's someone out there for everybody", it's not very easy for me to move to a larger area though. The times I have gone out, close mindedness usually keeps people at bay. They see the walker and that's about it. I'll get asked about it and what's wrong with me. People generally assume knee surgery , or back problem, but you can tell that it's more of a politeness than anything. Facial expressions show lack of interest, and then they're gone. That goes for old friends, ran around with some of them for years, but now they don't want to be around. And most people have their friend groups, and trying to become a part of one of those groups is very difficult I've seen, especially when there are physical limitations. So any support through anything I deal with is virtually zero. I try to be positive and up-beat about everything , but that really gets hard to do sometimes.
I wonder if what you might think about doing is to look around for social groups that need help in one form or another. It may be groups where people need help getting to and from medical appointments, or groups set up to help children with reading? I don't know what may exist in your small community but there are always people out there that need help. You strike me as someone with tons of skills and experience even though, like most of us with AMN you have limitations. Just by getting out there and showing that your own problems don't stop you from caring for others and being practically helpful could lead to other things. Much better perhaps than online dating? I have a neighbour who is our first line of help for doing silly little things that I can't do - like changing a light bulb that is out of my reach. We help him because he is dyslexic. Mutual self-help opens up avenues that can lead to other relationships.
You have made the first step in trying to work out how your life should go by posting your message here. Asking for help is a brave thing to do.
You have been a regular poster here for 4 years and have dealt with the progress of AMN so well. The fact that you can be, and have been open about your difficulties will be very appealing to the right person.
You are not defined by your AMN. You have your own personality, your own interests, sense of humour and likes and dislikes. Those are the things that any potential new lady in your life will see. 47 is still young enough to do interesting things and live life as full as you can.
I don't know if it would be possible for you to move to a location where you might meet more people?
You don't seem like someone who gives up easily so don't despair. Keep living life as fully as you are able.
Think about this; How many people would you characterize as having an emotional, financial, personal, harmful relationship "disabled"?A shit ton. We just show it right up front
I am married but we have some property in a small town in East Texas. It is amazing to me how many single moms of all ages are out there.
They outnumber the single men.
A friend of ours out there says being involved in the community, church, and just being out and about is a great way to meet people in a small community.
I am in a wheelchair (12 years) and people ask me all the time why. I just smile and say it is a neurological disease and the outcome could be far worse. I tell them I feel blessed and thank them for asking. I usually end up with a new friend. Rolling around town, people know my name because of my story and attitude.
It is your attitude toward the disease that makes people know you are confident about things. I have a friend that dove into a shallow pool. He broke his neck and is paralyzed from the chest down. It happened when he was 20.
He met a woman at work who saw past the wheelchair and other issues. They have been together for 18 years. she tells me it was his mind, blue eyes, and the fact that he smiles all the time. He became a lawyer after his accident.
My biggest concern was how my kids would deal with it. They both say your just dad. Nothing about the wheelchair.
You are in the early phases of concern. I was diagnosed in 1995. The first year with my wife was difficult figuring out the next steps.
We figured out I could still work (sales and marketing). It was not a death sentence. And I was going to have to adapt my life.
I am constantly learning new things to keep living as independently as possible. That is key. You must show people you can do 99% of things not needing help all the time. I went from a cane to crutches to a wheelchair. I modified things in our house. I watched a ton of youtube videos to learn new things. You also need to accept help with the 1% of things you can't do graciously.
We built a lakehouse. I had to be able to go from the street to the boat and back up to the street by myself in a manual wheelchair. It is a 25' drop.
I spent weeks with elevation drawings. We figured out a path through the house with ramps to the boat. We had an issue with one section that was too steep to get up. I figured out steel handrails. Now I just pull myself up the hill. Mission accomplished.
I got out of shape and at my peak weighed 275 pounds. I got into shape. I weigh 235 today and am in the best shape I have been in since 1995. I am 59.
I would start in your community. There are people who can help even in a rural area. There are single women who if they see a confident and positive attitude, will overlook any difficulties.
I doubt the disease is why your wife chose divorce. It was probably the trigger excuse switch. There are many, many, good people out there and probably within 10 miles of where you live.
Reading all these comments made me cry and felt how my son is going to face these in his journey with ALD. I better raise him with lot of courage and gratitude.
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