My husband has done so much to take care of me. He has done an excellent job. Yet everyday I I want to break down and cry for hours. I know I'm not strong enough to do that physically yet.
I have spent the past few days looking at all the good things in my life and remember all the good thing in my life. Every evening I break down and want to cry. Everything that once made me smile makes me want to cry. All my cats they come to tend to me They do their best to be gentle and I thank them then cry as I hug them. My home.......unless my husband is here withe me I don't move from the couch. When I do have to get up it scares me to walk through the house. Nothing here has ever hurt me other than my icd. I told hi. I want to save up and it's time to move. I don't want to look at my home and be afraid of it or moving through it to just use the bathroom or get a drink.
Perhaps as I heal things will get better, but right now my mind is really having a fit with my emotions.
Written by
Rubyladyemerald
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You are very delicate right now both in body and mind. Be kind to yourself and give it time.
No words can make it better but you should know that there is a whole community of like souls out here routing for your speedy recovery.
Your husband is obviously a real rock and my thoughts are also with him.
Caring for a loved one when it is not possible for the carer to specifically remedy the deep problem can be very stressful. I know this well as a very good friend of mine is caring for his dear wife who has advanced dementia.
So sorry you are feeling so unwell,those of us that have a loving husband or family to take care of us are so lucky and you also have your beautiful cats remember they also feel your paini hope you will feel better soon xx
I feel your pain. Nothing goes on forever and you will heal physically and emotionally. I know it doesn't feel like that now but you will get better and a good life will resume. Hold on tight. Bless your husband too he is being your rock. X
Ruby I do feel for you and send my best wishes. I can tell you that your body is fragile at present and a lot has gone on in there which is likely to make you feel the way you do. It will pass as you heal I know. Our hearts do affect or minds as many cultures attest and yours is letting you know it is unhappy. Be strong and ask yourself why you are afraid of your house? Is it just being alone or do you associate it with your illness? Either way nothing is forever.
I remember after my cancer operation six years ago wanting so much to go home from hospital and then when I did was so scared and disorientated that I wished I were still in hospital. This apparently is quite normal and does pass after a week or so.
It is so interesting how cats have such empathy. One of my girls never came on my lap except the odd occasion when I was feeling unwell when she would be so attentive.
You have such a beautiful home in a beautiful location, it's what us mere mortals could only dream of owning!
Perhaps hold on to the summer months, where I'm sure the views even from your couch are spectacular before making any rash decisions. By this time, hopefully you are feeling a bit better and can contemplate watching the changing seasons and the even more spectacular sights you have!
Your husband sounds like a good man and I'm sure he would be horrified to know how you feel, because at the end of the day he married you in sickness and in health, in beautiful houses or huts until death do us part!
You've been through an awful lot recently with a frightening procedure, away from home and your brain is trying to find somewhere to hide and heal. Keep telling yourself that home with your caring husband and furry friends is the best place to be for recovery. Your brain will eventually believe you and let you relax.
You are right - things will get better as you heal but in the meantime, big hugs across the Atlantic.
Your cats are healers and want to give you energy. They are little mind readers and sense your every mood. Having a health condition is part of our journeys here and once we accept and not fight, it changes our perspective. Ask - "What am I to learn from this experience and why?" Persevere to keep yourself calm throughout your episodes by doing your breathing exercises and meditation. You will be surprised as to how you can help yourself this way. Your cats know meditation is the key and I would love to know how they react to this as they are pushing you to go into a meditative state when you are upset. There are great meditation videos on YouTube and the web. It is not difficult. It will calm your mind and nerves. Look up "square breathing" too. Very easy and can be done anywhere! It is not the end of your wonderful life - it may be the beginning of some new insight. The best to you on your journey. Stay positive.
I know exactly how you feel, I also have other problems as well as electrical faults with my heart, for instance when I had the TIA my ear went suddenly completely deaf, I'm now left with hearing loss and horrendous tinnitus. It's all I can do some days to get to the end of the day, but I do!
Blessings on your husband for being such a rock to you. I always say my husband thinks people are the same as cars - you go to the garage/hospital and come back fixed! I have had a couple of scares after which I felt fragile and timid but I got over it and so will you in time. What you feel is natural and it wonderful that you have the cats who are so intuitive and give you an outlet for your feelings. 💕
Most of us on here have been to this dark place Ruby not only with A/F, other heart related problems, cancer, bereavements and so on but we are still here to tell the tale. When I had my stroke my GP asked a series of questions and from my answers new I was depressed and apparently this often happens after a stroke due to something affecting the brain so she put me on a very short does of anti depressants and within a month I was more or less back to normal. Life isn't easy and when you are unwell you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel so don't despair my friend, things will get better but it takes time. You obviously have a rock of a husband, he will be feeling your pain, so keep your chin up and know that life will improve its just a matter of time and healing.
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