This might cheer you up .....

[CaroleF]

.... it did me.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable) and a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!"

[BobD Volunteer]

AHMEN to that.

[michou]

my thoughts exactly - but there again you do want to live to the end, not be an invalid cos of your lifestyle - still all in moderation. Thanks for the laugh

[CaroleF in reply to michou]

Yes I know, but the other way sounds more fun, don't you think?

[Hidden]

I like the whale one best !

[CaroleF in reply to Hidden]

Me too!

[Elaine1951]

Love it. X

[Hidden]

Cheered me up on a gloomy morning......ta!!

[seasider18]

They say that we all only have so many hearts beats in a lifetime and that very small busy animals have a short lifespan as they use up theirs so quickly. The longest living creatures seem to be tortoises so it may well be true. Do ones that hibernate have longer life's than similar ones that don't ?

[10gingercats in reply to seasider18]

I have heard all this too ,but it doe not explain how some of us,with AF(I know a couple of them) hae lived to 100 and beyond?

[seasider18 in reply to 10gingercats]

Perhaps earlier in life they were not very energetic

Prior to having my pacemaker fitted my heart rate was in the low 40's as my marathon running GP boasts that his is..

Commenting on my low heart rate a triage nurse once asked me if I used to be very fit. I said that was something I could never be accused of.

[irene75359]

Love it - thank you Carole!

[AnneTS]

Thanks Carole!!

[RoyM]

I told my friend I was going for a walk....he looked puzzled and asked...is your car broke??? Same approach to life good post and yes round is a shape lol. Roy

[momist]

Love the skidding in sideways bit! Something to aim for at last

[Gmc54]

I needed a laugh this morning.......thanks for that!

[NooNoo14]

Love it, thank you 😀

[Pam296]

Haha....love it! I'm stress reducing at a health spa this weekend. Will ditch the gym and sleep in the Jacuzzi instead 😁

[CaroleF in reply to Pam296]

I like your thinking! Hope you have a relaxing weekend.

[dedeottie]

Love the whole sentiment. Great laugh..... think I may cherry pick a few of those! X