What (might) keeps you from asking for help?

[Darryl]

Faced with expensive treatments and medications, many prostate cancer patients have financial problems, such as paying the rent or gas for their car. Some lack the energy for home tasks, like cleaning and cooking. Some find it difficult to ask for help from friends and neighbors. Please help me understand what might make it difficult for you to ask friends or neighbors for financial or task-based help.

[Mike1971]

Hi Darryl,

For me, I think, there has been two reasons:

1) The feeling of loss of self worth and “manliness” (whatever that is) due to suddenly being transformed into a cancer patient on ADT, which makes me want to prove that I can still do everything.

2) The rough treatments and the uncertainty of the outcome creates a need to feel like everything is normal. Asking for help is not my normal.

[Derf4223]

You can take the testosterone out of a man, but you still can't make him ask for directions.

[Mgtd]

Before I begin to answer your question, just want to say thanks to you and this group for all the help, guidance and support it provides.

In our little rural neighborhood of about 500 homes we have a local tavern and a country store. Although I do not frequent the tavern I support our local country store as best I can. That store is local our local newspaper. When you want to know something about a local forest fire or water shortage we just stop and you will get the correct word.

Well one of the guys recently lost his job and has no medical insurance and now has prostate cancer. So for the last two weeks the tavern and the country store had a jar for donations. We are not an affluent community by any stretch. Most live paycheck to paycheck and someone is always going through a tough time. Well the community collected $10,000 to help him with medical bills.

I mentioned this because it was possible because he was willing to share his cancer issue and the community rose to the challenge.

It is my theory that many people either live in their past rather live in the present and think to the future. If you live in the past you tend to live in your own shell and that makes it difficult to be open to others. This is compounded by being a male who has always taken care of his own issues and solved his own problems. This is compounded by males especially as we get older who traditionally do not build support systems like females do.

That is my take on the issue you identified.

PS I am guilty of this but I have been working on correcting the problem.

[carbide]

Good you question this. I see this issue all around me. Many are single, with no family support.Many end up dead at home. 😔

[Trying-Times]

Fear of finding out you have cancer. Fear of biopsy. Fear of treatments. Fear of death.

[Trying-Times]

Sorry Darryl suddenly I have a habit of either responding before comprehending what I’m reading or brain fog, old age or all three.

[swwags]

Hey Darryl. Great question. First, I have not and will not tell my neighbors about my health and limited my info to just two friends. People gossip and there are too many predatory risks to sharing that information. My kids would help me if I asked.

I get grants to pay for my meds. Without them, I would quit treatment as I won't allow medical bankruptcy. My wife will survive me and I insist she lives out her years in comfort.

With regard to low energy, I will occasionally take a nap but I dislike doing that. I exercise, regularly. It is required. I walk/run 15 miles a week (5 miles 3x wk). Yeah it's exhausting but have to push through it. I lift weights but have failed that of late. I golf 3 x week (cart golf). My diet is relatively clean and boring. I get a minimum of 7 1/2 hours of sleep and a max of 8. I also have MM so two cancers to deal with. Currently going through chemo treatment for that cancer while PCA remains in remission. I'm 66, 188 lbs. Hope this helps.

[Derf4223 in reply to swwags]

What kind of "predatory risks" do you mean?

[swwags in reply to Derf4223]

financial

Here are some and these will largely be mitigated because my son will have power of attorney over his mom and protect her. Two of my sons are already financially independent and have no need or want of anything we own. They want to care for us and offer help. My wife is a wee bit too trusting of others and imo can be duped:

7 warning signs that may indicate a senior is a victim of financial abuse:

Bills are going past due or unpaid even though the individual has the resources to pay them.

Items or services are being purchased that the older adult doesn’t have a use for such as gym memberships or new technology

Items are purchased at a time when senior wouldn’t be active on the account such as ATM withdraws late at night.

Money or valuable items are missing from the adult’s home.

Sudden changes are made to power of attorney, property titles or wills.

Adult is receiving care at a rate much lower than the quality he/ she can afford.

Adult is isolated from family or is afraid to speak in front of family members, caregivers or friends