WHY ???????????

[Kian28]

Like i have said, Pluvicto is the new method in fighting my long-time prostate cancer. I was diagnosed in 1999. This disease is so hard on the body and mind that it makes you want to throw in the towel, and scream, "Fights Over". " I was sitting in the television room , slouched down in my chair with my eyes closed wondering to myself why i haven't gone to bed. The time was 7:00 in the evening. I am sooooooo very tired and exhausted from the meds that i don't know what to do. I ache in the muscles and joints, wondering if is all really worth it. Why am i putting myself through this ordeal.? Tomorrow may be a different story, but for tonight, I am heading to bed........Time.8:25. Sleep well my brothers.

[MyDad76]

It is 3.30 AM here and I’m yet to have one minute of sleep this night. I worry myself sick with progression of my dad’s disease and a million things going through my mind. Luckily I have two days of work, so at least I do not have to worry about that.

I wish you good night sleep and an optimistic view in the morning.

[FormulaRob in reply to MyDad76]

I can relate.. there are days and nights where my dads diagnosis consumes me. Not easy. Some days I spend just sort of thinking and trying to remember how I felt doing things before this diagnosis.. simple things like just grocery shopping or going for a walk without having the weight of this reality sitting on me. Having a family member go through this definitely alters your outlook on life at least for me. Nostalgia hits as hard as ever thinking WAY back to the "good 'ol days"

[MyDad76 in reply to FormulaRob]

You describe it so nicely, it can be overwhelming and consuming. I have solid days but I have not been carefree since 2016.

I tell myself to focus on present day, but every change in test or appearance results in panic attack.

I guess getting clarity on what worries you is the only remedy. And trying not to overanalyse while waiting for consultation / test. Sometimes it helps me if I allocate time when I’m allowed to think / research about PC. But you must be strict and have good control over yourself

[FormulaRob in reply to MyDad76]

I’m sorry you’ve been going through this for so long. What you’ve added is completely true.. the good days still have this lingering worry that just never fully goes away. I guess on one hand we’re lucky to have parents so good to us that we we worry so much for them during this difficult time.

You are right I try and do the same by allocating time to myself to think. I wish I read your reply slightly earlier lol.. I skipped the gym which I regret already since that is the only thing to help calm me down enough to properly think.. instead drove straight home so that I can research the new issue that popped up today (by the way thanks for providing your input on that post of mine).

Anyways I wish you the best for yourself and your dad. Not sure if you are married or whatnot but I know it’s difficult to keep a balance and not neglect other relationships close to you by getting consumed in this all the time. What a life but we’ll stay strong. All the best ❤️

[PSAed]

Because we need to know you are still with us and keep fighting the beast.

Best Wishes

[middlejoel]

Kian, hope that u are having a better day today. I am afraid that I am right behind you. even if I am a bit older. For me at this time, I have other comorbidities that have pushed Pca aside. My fight agains cancer is not to live forever but to live as pain-reduced as possible. I like to say that I feel for you but I have not experinac wht you have to this point. Good luck to you as you go forward and that tomorrow will be a better day.

[GSDF]

Kian28-

Although a bit younger than you I feel your thoughts as I have them too occasionally. The treatment of this disease is debilitating... I'd like to offer you some of the things that keep me going:

1) Prayer. I believe God has a purpose for each and every one of us and also a plan. I pray for his guidance through this journey.

2) Love - I Love my wife. She really loves me like no one ever has before. My diagnosis came just 5 years after our wedding. I simply cannot leave her right now.

3) Part of the shock after my diagnosis was realizing the truth in what my wife said to me, "we have to fight this, we haven't even tasted life yet". Her words provided me with much more will to live.

4) I don't allow myself to become lazy. I make it a point to accomplish something physical every single day. Whether it be vacuuming our townhome, doing the laundry, or even just dusting the shelves and furniture, or going out to wash the car... Something productive.

5) If you're physically able to, exercise. Even if just going up a flight of stairs or a couple of situps. I turned my basement family room into a small gym where I do strength training exercises. Also, just try to get out and walk. My wife and I make it a point to get out of the house everyday, even if it's just a walk around the block.

There are days I truly am couch -locked and just don't want to move, but I make a conscious effort when I recognize this, to force myself to get up and do something, no matter how trivial.

6) This disease has actually made me realize of how precious life really is, as cliche-ish as that sounds. I feel I wasted a lot of my life concentrating on working, achieving goals, making money, new cars, getting ahead etc. Never really appreciating the things I do now, because I always thought I had plenty of time to tend to them.

Sounds crazy, but in many ways I thank God for this disease because it's caused me to come to life in so many fundamentally important ways. I truly believe in Heaven and that I'll be there some day, but right now I want to live some Heaven on Earth before that day comes .

Finally, I value the opportunity to share such feelings with my brothers here on this forum, and to likewise read the ways that they cope as well, as this fuels my motivation and hope for another tomorrow.

You did the right thing by reaching out in your moment of despair... We're all blessed to have each other to help us up when we're having a down day.

Blessings to you dear brother... 🙂👍🙏

[Bret5 in reply to GSDF]

Very well said. My feelings exactly.

[Kian28 in reply to GSDF]

I just read your reply, and it humbled me.......thank you for your thoughts and wisdom as we go forward in fighting mode. Today i feel pretty good, as i went over to the hospital and sat there while a bag of saline solution slowly dripped into my body. I have some blood work on the 21st in prep for my second "Pluvicto " infusion. I really shouldn't complain, because i have been allowed to exist this long with a disease that is relentless. Thank you, my brother, and my brothers.

[GSDF in reply to Kian28]

God bless you friend...

[PSAed in reply to Kian28]

By all means complain Kian28 after everything you've put up with you are entitled to complain in my book. Take care.

[FormulaRob]

Hope you’re feeling a bit more positive and better today my friend. Battling this since 1999 is very impressive you are one strong dude

[Kian28 in reply to FormulaRob]

I do feel better today. For some reason, i never think of myself as having Cancer. I knew what the biopsy was going to reveal in 1999, and from then on i just pushed the obvious away from me........i continued to live my life with little worry. My dog Bella is my rock, and i don't know what i would do without her. I know she is not like having a person to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on, but she is who she is.

[j-o-h-n]

cause Bella needs a Feller....

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 08/15/2023 2:16 PM DST

[Kian28 in reply to j-o-h-n]

John.........I need her and she needs me........( Smile)

[j-o-h-n]

youtube.com/watch?v=d4jrN5T...(Not working as expected?)

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 08/15/2023 10:12 PM DST