It’s been a long time since I came on line. My heart/soul/spirit have been sad, mad and broken!!!
You may (or may not) remember me, the wife of Ras King P. I joined this wonderful group in December, 2018, after returning from what would become our last vacation together, in Bermuda.
I have met virtual friends, have been counseled by educators and made lasting friendship in this group, for that I will be eternally grateful.
After returning from Bermuda the King begun to decline, and by February he was hospitalized and we found out this beast called PC had metastasized to his liver and extensively to his bones. (I was sitting at his bedside when I learnt of my own mom’s death in a politically torn South American country, another post).
He was readmitted the end of March, April and lastly in May. He had an appointment with his Pain Specialist, who immediately admitted him. He spent 10 days in the hospital and couldn’t wake up for 3 days. Honestly I thought he was in a hepatic coma and wouldn’t live. He woke up, came home on Home Hospice and it was the beginning of the end. Within 6 plus weeks he was gone.
I am grateful that he died peacefully at home, June, 30th, at 7:27 am, surrounded by our two children, myself, and our dog Emilio, it was his his heart’s desire.
My hear is broken, my mind is confused, and my soul and spirit are heavy with the pain of grief. I am “a strong woman,” they all keep saying, but now one understands that void, that emptiness, that the pain of compound grief brings.
I am a Clinical Educator, and have worked in health care for the last 41 years, every bit I learnt in school and in practice couldn’t prepared me for this!!! In retrospect, apart from the clinical aspect of care , everything else was a life lesson. The most difficult was dealing with the insurance companies, he died. Without them approving increase custodial care. I had to privately hire private aides to help me manage his care. Many were lousy care givers, lying to me, taking their shoes off and falling asleep on my day bed at 9 am, yelling at him for dropping his pillow on the floor. We had a horrible Hospice Nurse, who went away on Memorial Day weekend, leaving him without Fentanyl Patches, to never re ordering his medications, and telling me her Hospice Program doesn’t provide preventative skin care products, etc etc.
Grateful for those who were there with me until the end. Special thanks to S and Lady S who have since become an integral part of my support system, family forever...Virtual hugs for you two saints.
Thanks to all of my HU family who messaged me, offered sound advice.
As my friend who has always made me laugh on this chat, “good health”
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GranPaSmurf Thank you so much. Yes, I realize it’s time to take my own prescribed l medication. As I question myself whether I did my best, did I utilize my time efficiently, did I spend quality time with him, a colleague said to me, “beat yourself with a feather.”
It’s tough, we have been married for 41 years, two wonderful children, who are devastated by this tremendous loss.
One day at a time. I am grateful for the nine years we had to “get ready for this.” It afforded us lots of travel time (couldn’t all we our pre-retirement travels we wanted to). We were able to make wrongs right, and speak about what life May possibly be like for me after he passed.
Still shocked in many ways. He was my life line, my rock, my “fighting buddy in the ring.”
I really want to share with couples about regrets, the essence of time and how to support each other through this terrible journey of PC. (The irony.. both of our entitles are PC)
About 12 years ago, my wife went through cancer treatment twice, first colon cancer with surgery, then it metastatized to the lungs. More chemo, more radiation. She is cancer free for 7 years. Now she is having dementia issues. From the chemo? probably, but she is alive.
Now I am the one with cancer. Talk about being 'joined at the hip.'
After 53 years of marriage, I can't think of another person I'd rather have beside me.
I know those feelings! Pray for all the best for both of you.
I am also a 2 x survivor. 5 major surgeries, 16 days in intensive care, small bowel instruction and Pulmonary Emboli...1 1/2 years paralyzed... a true miracle...The miracles of life.... all the best!
He really looked good in this picture.... We all shall miss him but you see God is the lucky one to have him now. May he live on in your "good" memories of him when he wasn't fighting the beast. He is smiling down on us and enjoying his after life. I always say the hardest part now is learning how to fly and to play the harp... God Bless you and anyone who knew him.
My condolences to you and your family's lost of you dear mother...As far as learning how to fly and play the harp.... women are much quicker learners...
Thank you , I was referring to you ( John who always made me laugh. I couldn’t recall your online name ). Yes he looked well until the end.
He had a smile and looked so peaceful after he passed. In that picture we were in Hawaii Nov 2017 for his birthday. He hoped we would retire to Hawaii. He had a procedure done the day before we travelled, he was in pain, had a foley and was hemorrhaging. He was determined to swim in the Pacific!!! The docs felt it was a bad idea, I was worried about blood clots, and pain. We live in NY so it’s quite a bit of travel. We made it and had fun. Some days the party was in his bed, some times on the beach, on the ocean, beneath the water, all in all we will cherish those memories.
I'm in New York City and as we say here "I'm surviving". Well thank God you have great memories of him. It is devastating for the children... My dad died when I was 18 years old many years ago, but I still think of him (and adore him) . They must remember that he's looking down on them every minute of every day and is proud of what he (and you) have brought into this world. Keep in touch with us here and who knows I may make you smile once in a while. God Bless.
Rest In Peace Dear Peter . You love him eternally ... I am sorry Polly for the void that you’re now feeling . You are human and this hurts so much . I listen to your song often . “ Don’t make me over” your love that spanned 4 decades will never deplete . Thank you for caring for Peter and getting him home to You and Emilio. No man could ask for more .. Paz y amor Comadre!🙏❤️
Thank you, to love deeply is to grieve deeply! “ And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” Kahlil Gibran. Yes I am happy that he came home to us.
Speaking of Emelio, My neighbor called me in a frenzy yesterday morning saying some one snatched Emelio. He ran out the yard and into the street. I cried all over again, felt like my heart would burst. I drove around the neighborhood, like a cop chasing a robber, looking for him. My neighbor started knocking on doors, I sent my neighbor a pic of Emelio and a lady said she saw him running towards our block. When I drove up to the house there he was on the porch. I held onto my neighbor and cried like a baby.
Someone said he is looking for Peter? He also sits under the love seat in the den, where Peter’s hospital bed was. At times it’s almost difficult to get him into his kennel at nights. He stopped eating for about 3 weeks. Even his heart is broken.
Oh Scott this pain is overbearing, but I know it too shall pass. ¡Saludes mi amigo!
“On the porch” good boy Emilio..I know that if lulu was missing we would freak out . Terrible feeling . I had a Great Dane that would bolt if there was a door open . I’d trac him down and he’d get in the car . But when we got home I couldn’t get him out . On his own time he’d come out . Glad Emilio is home safe . My heart breaks for Emilio ..😫. I don’t think that dogs have a sense of time .. He will always keep hope ..in a just heaven Emilio will be by peters side ..Peace and love friend .. looking forward to a break in Nola.. 👣
We love with all of our heart .. that’s our way Polly . That s who you are . In my opinion you are an angel ... start walking Emilio if you aren’t already . We need exercise to clear out the cob webs ... walk Emilio .. I am sorry for the emotional pain ...grieving must be expended ..let it all out ... we have no magic wand to sooth such a loss ..just know that you are loved by many . Keep faith in our lord . You are never alone . God is with you ..peter is always with you . His suffering is over . You mustn’t suffer for ever . Your heart will heal .. abrasos Senorita ,tenemos mucho a .hacer ... more barefoot walks in the park are called for . ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹
Oh Mary, handsome he was, 😄. I am so grateful for those crammed vacations and other activities. I took the Month of March off from work and we shared some precious moments.
I love your quote from Gibran. May the Lord give you comfort in this very difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers. Rest in Peace my Brother.
So, so sorry for your loss, I know this pain and void as well and nothing does prepare you for it - please accept my condolences and know that in some small way that I share your grief - bless you.
Wow, I’m so sorry for your loss,my hubby is going this morning for his first intravenous Chemo treatment.he had the port put in on Friday..he to has pc stage 4 and lesions on his liver and also in constant pain.. I pray for you,and please pray for me as well.God Bless
So sorry for your loss. It has to be so hard. Glad that he died peacefully at home. It is a burden and a joy taking care of our loved ones at home. I don't know how my wife will handle my end of days. Been married 47 years with 2 wonderful children. Hopefully your counseling experience has helped you as it has helped others. For my wife's sake, I hope that I go quickly as she took care of her father and both of my parents till their end. Wondering how she will cope.
Please if she needs support I am here. I will keep you in prayers. My life Mission is to help others. I have learnt so much through this journey, and I am sharing. My story telling has also been therapeutic.
That’s heavy duty friend to think about our wife’s once we leave this plain .. it the hard part of it all ,having to leave each other ... Pluck the day and love the wife and family . Take care lincolnj8
I am truly saddened to the point of tears to hear about your losses of your dear husband, and also your mother, especially in such close proximity of each other. I know our words may not heal your grief, but at least you will know that you are not alone. You have our sympathy and prayers. They say that time is a healer, and we hope and pray that time will turn your grief and sorrow into happy memories of your life together. God bless you and your family.
I have to check his records. My pea brain is under tremendous strain with grief.
He lived 9 years and 4 months from the day of diagnosis. 6 of those years he was pretty healthy. The last three years he begun to get sick here and there, and in December 2018, a significant decline was noted.
His last 6 weeks of life he was in bed. He was a physically and mentally strong guy with a love for life and his family.
He had radiation, tumor removed from prostate,, hormonal therapy, immunotherapy and lots of Naturopathy: include supplements, plant based diet, massages, hydrotherapy, aromatherapy, herbal therapy among others.
We are all here standing with you. I can’t imagine the loneliness that you are feeling having lost your life partner. I’m so sorry. Body is very weak and the spirit is strong— and The pain of loss is the worst kind of pain a human can suffer.
One day at a time, you will get through this. Peace and Light energy to you.
My mom lost 5 children and both parents and of course my dad. She said the greatest loss was the los of my dad. I was in a state of shock!!! How can a woman not feel the loss of children she bore with greater intensity? She saw how perplexed I was and she went on to explain that with the other losses daddy was there to comfort her; now with his loss, who would comfort her? It somewhat quelled my curiosity, but I still didn’t quite get it until I loss my precious husband.
I just joined a couple of days ago, seeking info for my dad with his advanced prostate cancer. The support has been terrific already, so please accept from this newbie my deepest sympathy. Your post was so beautifully written. Prayers that a deep sense of peace will settle in for you and your family (both 2 and 4-legged).
Welcome Sea5... being a newbie is the hardest part .the beginning . Please let us know how dad is doing . This is a battle to the end for us with stage#4 . Still, there is much to be done to promote life . He doesn’t want to give or call it quits . He can live for many years .. Love him spoil him baby him if you can . That’s the best medicine . He has your love.
No education is complete until one has lived it. You heart is empty now. Your loss and your experiences will make a bigger, deeper heart. There is no comfort from mere words after a loss like this. My hope is that the pain lasts only as long as you need it. I am grateful for your honest words and sharing of your loss of King.
My heart breaks for you and your family, at this very difficult time.
May God comfort you, and prepare you for the tough times ahead.
You sound like a strong lady, God bless you for the strength and courage that you have shown, though your heart is'empty' take comfort that he is no longer in pain. As others have said, one day at a time.
So sorry to hear such abominable rotten news. Rage at the universe! Feel your pain. Then take a deep breath and try to find something that gives you joy for just a short time and build on that. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
A gut-wrenching and beautiful story of you and the King. I will look up and remember you both when I immerse myself in the Pacific Ocean next week. =Rob
Its always sad to hear or read about a brother and your beloved has passed away. But you said you are strong, and maybe you'll fill buckets with tears which IMHO is the finest medicine for grief. Do not forget your man, but you never know, maybe you meet someone who had lost a wife; I see no reason to seek someone who resonates with you. It is the one being I sought, but never found, and thus have little experience of partnering, but miss having had this experience.
Patrick sometimes I wonder! This loss is so intense and even though Shakespeare say “it’s better to have loved and loss than never to have loved at all, “ I would have loved to be spared this intense pain. Cheers!
Thank you, in that pic he was in pain, fatigued, hemorrhaging, Foley catheter, couldn’t climb out of bed some days. You know what? Never stopped him from having a good time.
That makes me so sad and mad that during this time You had to deal with idiots that don’t deserve to work! I hope karma kicks them in their butts.
Hope you turn them in to their jobs site so they can’t pull that crap on anyone else
I found this online about an old man talking about death and when I read it was the first time that captured how you feel he talked about an ocean and the waves if you ever have a chance to find it read it And I hope it will help Prayers to you and your family
So very sorry for your loss of your wonderful husband, Ras King P. . Also sorry for what you endured with the insurance, Hospice Nurse, and the lousy hired aides. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I’m just now reading this and I wanted to offer my deepest condolences. I lost my dad March 2 2019 and I was his main caregiver. We were best friends. He was my rock in life. This week will be the 6 month mark of his going to Heaven. I deeply miss him every day. I’m praying for you and your family. Your husband was a wonderful man and I know the emptiness that you feel. Please know that you’re not alone. So many of us share in your sadness.
Thanks you...Please accept my condolence also. May you receive the courage and strength to go on. This loss leaves a void in your home, a pain in your soul, a hole in your heart and some days you literally feel like you yourself can’t go on.
Alas the human spirit is resilient and we eventually bounce back, with short moments of the intense sense of that loss.
When my dad died 23 years ago I asked God to take my life, my 9 year old daughter said she thought I would never crawl out of that dark hole.
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