I'm done, giving up

[Oregon56]

I tried but I guess I want to be next. Its won. Stage 4 prostrate in lymp nodes,dont like hormones. Not worth feeling bad and making others around me sad. Easy let it take its Course

[redbank]

it's your journey, are you truly sure your ready to give up?

[Oregon56 in reply to redbank]

Yes, looking at my life with $12,900 monthly charge for 30 pills. Zero sex life, I can't seem to focus at work and most importantly feeling sorry for my wife. Shes 58 and I'm 62 shes a winner and I feel like a zero.

[redbank in reply to Oregon56]

there are certainly programs to help with the costs of medication.Talk with your oncologist and tell them what your going thru they certainly can help. the thing about the sexual intimacy is that both you and your wife need to discuss things openly with each other. never give up hope man fight for what you want out of life .

[Oregon56 in reply to redbank]

Thank I have tired several times after the first time were ok but now everyone just says be happy. I need to work but the daily pain and anxiety is just to recent and now its stage 4. The meds have made it harder than ever to just take a breath. As I said I'm done. But I appreciate your reaching out, we did it alone the first time. Blessings gd

[redbank in reply to Oregon56]

sleep on it for a bit you only truly owe it to yourself. gods speed.....

[dadeb in reply to Oregon56]

God bless you, fellow Oregonian-Grew up in Easter Oregon. This disease is a battle that no one could possibly prepare for. You have many friends here pulling for you no matter what you decide. It’s heroic to fight every day and very brave to decide when to stop. I admire everyone here on this site for sharing their journey and struggles.

[whatsinaname in reply to dadeb]

Well said, dadeb.

Your reply is honest and absolutely non-judgemental.

Thank you and all the very best.

[Dan59]

I am sorry to hear that. Do you have medical insurance? I beleive If you have progression either on scans or psa after initial lupron you may be eligible for social security disability, which would be what you would get at full retirement age 66yrs 6 mos. Then 2 years later you have medicare. Also it is true that if you can not afford the medication, often the pharm company will provide it for you, there are options.There are certainly other ways to make love to your wife, have you tried viagra?

I do feel your pain with this disease, and understand everything you are saying, others may have good information on how to pay for meds.

Sleep on it for a while. Keep us posted

Dan

[YostConner]

I’m sorry to hear this. It’s a difficult and intensely personal decision. I wish you zero pain.

[Mkeman]

Go to “jjpaf.org” to see if you qualify for free drugs. Giving up seems like the best option but you are ignoring the feelings and love of those around you. The pain you will cause them can’t be controlled. Yours can.

[wrando]

without detail..."I'm standing with you"

[Tjc1]

Hi Oregon56 i have been where you are right now many times. What pulls me out of it is being with my daughters, granddaughter and wife.

I have been in this almost 8 years. It sucks for sure and I'll have many more bad days im sure but i keep going and in the end it's a good thing for everyone.

Got insurance? Insurance wont pay for viagra or injections but some will pay for an inplant. That is not as bad as it sounds. 20 min operation from what i read. Im gonna check into it. My wife says i worry about it too much but hey if it helps me feel better ill look at it. We do have intimate times now but just like to be somewhat normal in that area.

God knows i felt like stopping the meds many times and I'll feel like it again but for some reason im filling that next scrip. Good luck with your decisons in the years to come!

Thomas

[j-o-h-n]

Giving up? So you want us to call you OregonE....Come on Man don't quit... Just think of all those young kids fighting in the Second World War, they didn't give up. Get up every day and enjoy life, cause you only get that one ride on the Merry-go-round. As far as no more sex is concerned just think you don't have to dread hearing the two words that women say after sex "LET'S CUDDLE". See your Oncologist asap and discuss all of your issues with him/her. If you get no help then see another Oncologist. Please fight, you can do it...

Good Good Luck and Good Good Health.

j-o-h-n Sunday 08/05/2018 2:11 AM EDT

[sdnb]

Dearest Oregon56, please do not think of it as "giving up" or "quitting". You are accepting reality. I say all of this because your situation is so similar to my husband's. He continued with chemo and oral meds, but he was miserable, according to a doctor who took me aside. He had so much difficulty breathing, had to have both lungs drained of fluid every other day, was weak and tired, had no appetite whatsoever, had paper-like skin so that got bruises with even the smallest of injuries, but he was nevertheless the greatest fighter of all time for over five years. He was doing it for me. I'm quite sure he would have stopped sooner, but I would "beg" for him to keep hanging in there. As for intimacy, once he began chemo, that chapter was closed. Men here are suggesting that you try thus and so, but my husband was too frail and exhausted trying to breathe, even though we did try injections to no avail. I am surprised at some of the suggestions, while all are said with the best of intention. Perhaps you are not as ill as I understood, because if you are at the stage where my husband chose to stop treatments, the mere idea of any sexual activity is ridiculous, and these well-meaning men are much luckier than perhaps you and my husband. At one point, he asked my opinion, to which I could only reply that it was his decision, and that I was ready to accept what choice he made. My advice to you, is make sure you absolutely, positively are sure that choosing to stop the meds is really what you and your wife want, because within three weeks of my husband's telling his oncologist he was ending his chemo and going to ride it out, he passed away. I believe he knew it was time. I regret the many times I begged him to "hang on" because not hanging on was definitely not my husband's determined style. Again, he did it for me. Please talk with your wife and discuss what stopping the meds means, is she ready to face your final days, or you ready? My heart goes out to you and your wife, as I remember the overwhelming emotions that lived inside of us for those remaining three weeks of his riding it out. Forgive me, please, and accept my most sincere apology if anything I have said here has been out of line or inappropriate. I'm imagining some of the men will chastise me, but this was brutally honest as to our journey. Each gentleman's story is different, and you may find that you are not so ready to stop treatment after all, or you may proceed with your decision and have a comfortable life for quite some time. Either way, I will be praying for you and your wife's peace and confidence in whatever decision you make, Oregon56. May you be blessed.

[JamesAtlanta in reply to sdnb]

Beautiful, honest thoughts. Thank you for sharing! I hope you have found peace.

God bless,

James

[greatjohn in reply to sdnb]

lovely and meaningful...and HONEST. Thanks!

John

[Oregon56 in reply to sdnb]

Thank you, I'm sitting here overlooking the ocean and about say good bye. I know I'm weak but I seem to have real mental issues as well. I love my wife so much and feel it will be better for her in the long run. God blesd

[gusgold in reply to sdnb]

you are right...the treatments are worse than the disease and offer no real benefit. All that happens is as each treatment loses effectiveness the PCa becomes more aggressive. In the end you are left with a super aggressive form of PCa making its own T and you die within 6 months. You are better off not taking any of this crap with all the side effects. You will have a much better QOL and live just as long. This is what the poster J-O-H-N did. He rents a room in the basement of a local whorehouse for $300 a month and has sex with a different lady every week....way better than spending $12,000 a month on Zytiga. So far I have not been able to find a local whorehouse but when I do that will be my last 3 months.

[dmt1121]

I know that many men on this forum have stage 4 prostate cancer, including myself and there is a wide range of definitions for what the means. We do understand from our own experience what it can be like to feel despair.

Here, we share our experiences with treatment options, statistics, studies and moral support. However, we have a tougher time sharing our experiences with the emotional and self-esteem issues of this disease. I often feel guilty for inflicting this disease on my wife, daughters, friends and co-workers.

As males, we are raised to be the care takers and the ones that "make it all okay" for our families. We are the protectors that provide the strength and reassurance for everyone else. A disease like this takes this paradigm and turns it on its head. It makes us feel we are burdening those we should be caring for. It makes us feel impotent, not just sexually but in the traditional and familiar role we are used to playing. We are less physically strong, are more emotional and have other side effects from treatment and the disease itself. We are vulnerable and more accessible to others who are close to us.

Your post shows that you are not sure of pursuing this final choice. So, I would ask yourself whether your wife and family feel burdened or honored to be with you during this time? This time is hard but in some ways can be the most meaningful you will ever have on this earthly plane in this life. I wish you all the best in whatever path you choose. I just hope you consider the broader picture of your new role and maybe you will find it is more real and intimate in a way that sex cannot offer. No choice is the wrong one but it is a personal one, based on your life.

[MelaniePaul]

Hi Oregon56.

Thank you for reaching out to this forum. There are lots of people here who can help you and, most importantly, who are listening.

What I hear you say is that you feel you don't want to continue this fight. You don't want to be unhappy or make the people around you unhappy. I really feel for you. It must be difficult to go through this. And of course there can come a point where you feel you have fought enough and you just want to let nature take its course from now on. And that's okay. I am just wondering if you have really looked at all your options.

What treatments have you had so far? How have they affected you? Have you informed yourself about what would be the next step for you in fighting this illness?

Have you tried you tried Xtandi,? Zytiga? Have you thought about Chemo?

Of course everyone is free to decide that this was enough fighting and that it is time to let nature take its course. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But only do that if you feel that you really don't want to fight anymore and if you are sure that you have looked at all your options.

Mel.

[E2-Guy]

I don't recall seeing any of your numbers like current PSA, and T level. Please post if you haven't already done so. There still may be options and hope.

[abmicro]

The erecaid esteem pump is absolutely the best aid for sexual issues when it is caused by hormone deprivation drugs. Can combine it low dose MUSE for even better results. Some Diabetics, which is a worse situation than those taking hormone starvation drugs, have tried the pump and some had success.

Estrogen therapy can economically keep testosterone down yet still provide some hormones to make you feel better and maintain a mild sex drive. It also improves bone density and memory. Watch out for clots. Some use it with a blood thinner like plavix or aspirin to prevent clots.

[Oregon56]

Thank you, I'm about done and I'm also having a hard time mentally especially knowing how hard things have been and will be for my wife she could do so much better.

[Grumpyswife in reply to Oregon56]

Hi Oregon, I am a wife of a guy who has had prostate cancer for almost 18 years and it has been a great burden to us both. I would still rather have him here with me as long as he is not suffering. Talk to your wife. If she helps you decide to keep on maybe you can get an antidepressant.

[sdnb]

Dearest Oregon 56, when did you speak with your wife? In the past 6 days? After several men wrote to you? This afternoon? If you and your wife have had a very long, deep, heart-to-heart conversation, and she, herself, has said to you, "My dear husband, this has been so, so hard on me (meaning "her"). I think you are absolutely correct that I will be so very much better off without you." Now, if you have actually heard your sweet wife say those exact words to your face, then you do not have the right to say how much better she will be after you are gone. You do not know what is best for her, so it's unfair of you to speak as if you are in charge of her emotions and her heart. You must have this conversation with her, and simply put it, "Do you think you will be better off without me?" No one can deny that cancer's effects isn't a huge burden on everyone, so you do not even have to ask her, "Darling, how hard has this been on you?" Utterly ridiculous! Things you are saying are speculations, right? You owe it to your wife to be upfront and direct. My husband wanted to spare me all of the painful details, so he kept his distance towards the end. He had always been prone to being an impatient and gruff man at times, so when he basically stopped talking with me, I felt he knew something that he did not want me to know. Confidentality kept his (our) oncologist from sharing what my husband was saying to him. I think the most painful part of losing my husband was his detachment from me. I wasn't as lucky as your wife is going to be when you have "the conversation" with her. (This is all said based on your not having had the conversation.) Please give her an opportunity to tell you everything she has pondered about losing you. Be a team. I continue to lift you up to our Lord in prayer for His peace to surround you, and that you will accept that it is His decision as to when He will call you back Home, and not your decision. That is such a freeing thought that you, nor your wife, has that burden to decide when you leave this earth. That is completely up to the Lord, provided you are a believer in God.

[Oregon56 in reply to sdnb]

Thank you, I was very moved by your story and I do need to talk with her and I do not know what shes thinking.

[cfrees1]

Please also recognize that depression is part of the journey for a lot of us. And depression can be treated. Please seek treatment for that first, before you make other decisions. No one on this board will fault you for whatever decision you ultimately make, but I would hate for you to give up on other treatments because of a mental condition for which you can get some treatment. Learning to live for today is tricky especially when you are suffering depression. And, by all means, you need to discuss this with your wife.

[Rmanns]

This is the toughest choice. A month ago I was right there with you. The standard treatments have not been effective for me. I even tried a chemo holiday with the intention of never starting again. But when it came down too it I just didn't want to give up. So I'm still taking Jevtana although my PSA continues to rise and bone scans show continues metastasis.

Big Pharma will help a lot with costs. . Your oncologist can help you set that up. Social Security has a fast track for stage 4 cancer. Its not a lot but it does make the difference for us. You can talk things through with your wife. I bet she doesn't think of you as a loser.

Even the choice to stop treatment doesn't have to be all or nothing. When I skipped a chemo treatment my PSA shot up by 100 points. My reaction and my grown kid's reaction was enough to make me reconsider and I've decided to hang on a bit, at least until I get sicker

It's your decision. God bless you sir.

[Hidden]

Oregon56 ,how goes it? Pray that you are in a better place today than 2 months back.. peace 🌵

[gusgold]

I don't get your problems with the VA...I went there and they referred me to my local oncologist..he wrote me a prescription for Xtandi and I pay $8.00 a month...last month he wrote a prescription for Darolutamide under The Federal Right To Try Law and I got that from Bayer and VA pays all but $8.00 a month...normally Darolutamide would be $20,000...but all these drugs lead to neuro-endocrine PCa which is fatal...so I say give up..you will live just as long with better QOL...that is what I plan on doing