Giving up: After having prostate... - Advanced Prostate...

Advanced Prostate Cancer
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Giving up


After having prostate removed with the DaVinci followed by 62 radiations and hormone injections monthly,4 years later its stage 4 in lymp nodes and so the treatment is more hormones and$12,900 each month for a med. I'm done the burren to my family going broke and only my wife support I'm done. Everyone says have a better attitude but I'm in so much pain and any life to share with my wife is sad. I really don't want this anymore.

5 Replies

I understand your in pain and I’ve been through your thoughts and feelings myself particularly as I’m only 48. I felt free when I just accepted that this was what I had and I had to get on with it! It may be worth checking you don’t have a low feeling due to the meds your on as perhaps there is something that can pep you up a little. Everyone on this site is fighting the same feelings and battle and there are many posts from men who have felt low and despairing but have got through it. In dark moments when panic and despair feel like they are closing in I stop and think if I continue to think negatively in a negative situation it is only going one way. The only cure for negative thinking is a positive mindset, it recasts life’s most difficult problems as challenges. I miss sex with my wife but the vows we made to each other are never so real as now, In sickness and in health. My own personal way to keep a healthy body and mind is exercise no matter how awful I feel I walk to loud music! I hope you turn the corner and start to feel better. 👍


Giving up? So you want us to call you OregonE....Come on Man don't quit... Just think of all those young kids fighting in the Second World War, they didn't give up. Get up every day and enjoy life, cause you only get that one ride on the Merry-go-round. As far as no more sex is concerned just think you don't have to dread hearing the two words that women say after sex "LET'S CUDDLE". See your Oncologist asap and discuss all of your issues with him/her. If you get no help then see another Oncologist. Please fight, you can do it...

Good Good Luck and Good Good Health.

j-o-h-n Sunday 08/05/2018 2:14 AM EDT

Hi Oregon56.

I am so sorry to hear that things are so difficult.

You have certainly gone through a lot over the past four years, not only all the treatment but also expenses are burdening you and the lack of the ability to be really intimate with your wife.

How about if you discuss this with your wife? Tell her how you are feeling and how you think about discontinuing any treatment? Maybe you would find comfort in that. Also, I would discuss it with the doctors and see if they can make any other suggestions where to go from here or whether you can find some understanding in them when you say you don't want to do it anymore and then it would be a discussion about palliative care.

When you say you are in so much pain it sounds to me like you mean physically as well as emotionally. It is very important to recognize the emotional part of it. Because this is really a difficult journey. And if we feel we have no or little quality of life left, then perhaps it is time to stop fighting.

All I am saying, though, is discuss it first. Talking about it here on the forum was a necessary first step.


Dear Oregon56,

I understand your situation and you have my deepest sympathy and respect.

In hopes that this may give you additional options, I have some suggestions for handling the drug cost. You may be able to do these things or may be able to get someone to help do them for you.

One option is Medicaid. You may be able to get it directly or via the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). Obamacare allows people to get insurance even if they have pre-existing conditions like cancer. But if you can't get that you may still be able to get Medicaid. I have never had to do it myself (I'm now old enough for Medicare) but you should be able to find someone to help - perhaps a local social worker who works for your city or state or for your local hospital.

Another option is to call the drug manufacturer. Some of them offer big discounts to patients who can't afford to pay.

Still another option is to buy the drugs in India. India does not recognize U.S. drug patents and it is perfectly legal in India for them to manufacture Zytiga, Xtandi, and other U.S. drugs and sell them at prices that are vastly cheaper than in the U.S. I think I have seen prices ranging around $1,500 to $2,000 for a month's supply. The sellers I have dealt with on a number of drugs have been legitimate, offering drugs made by legitimate manufacturers in India (and I wouldn't be surprised if some of the U.S. manufacturers buy their drugs from Asia but have them put in U.S. packaging.) You don't have to go to India to do this since you can buy drugs over the Internet and the Indian suppliers are experienced in shipping them in ways that get through. To find suppliers search Google for Zytiga India, Xtandi India, or whatever drug you need. Using the generic names "abiraterone acetate" for Zytiga, and "enzalutamide" for Xtandi, may find more hits. If you're not comfortable with Internet searching and purchasing but have a friend or relative who can help figure out what's going on, converting prices, etc., ask for help.

Buying drugs in India and importing them into the country is illegal here in the U.S. However I have read that no American has ever been put in jail or even prosecuted for it. Every prosecutor understands that he would be crazy to go before a jury and ask them to convict a cancer patient who will die because he cannot afford his meds.

If all else fails and you want to make a fight of it, call your congressman or local state representative (or both) and ask their offices for advice and help. Good public representatives have office staff who are experienced in dealing with serious problems of their constituents and can often round up help for you or put you in touch with people who can do it.

I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.


Best wishes to you. I can’t imagine a more challenging decision.

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