Ok so I just had a radical prostatectomy a little over a month ago. I am on a sliver of a Viagra every day. I am on a Lupron holiday and my PSA is in the undetectable range at this point.
I ask my urologist what my prospects for a sex life were and I was told that maybe after a year I might be able to get an erection again by probably not. I might be able to use the needle medication that you stick in your wang or I could use a suppository you jam up there. I asked him if I could benefit from any therapy or medication. He said no and that he didn't know of anybody to send me to.
Thoughts. I'm 54 years old. I don't want to shelve my sex life. Does anyone out there have any recommendations?
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EricE
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There is a good chance that, whether or not you are able to regain potency, you will still be able to feel arousal and still be able to achieve satisfying orgasms. If so, your partner will still be able to bring you to an orgasm and you will certainly be able to bring your partner to an orgasm. The techniques will have to change. You may have to learn new ways to satisfy your partner and your partner may have to learn new ways to satisfy you. You'll both need to pay attention to each other and experiment.
You can look at all this as a terrible loss, but I don't recommend that. I recommend that you look at it as an adventure, a new way giving and of finding sexual satisfaction. You can try the injections and the suppositories, or even the penile implants (but I think that is a last and irreversible resort that some men like and some are sorry they did.) But, personally, I don't believe they are necessary.
Don't give up. Don't run yourself down and consider yourself any less of a man than you were. You are NOT less of a man and you are NOT less able to make love to another person. You're just different now.
Thank you Alan, That was a very thoughtful response. I think I just need to be a little more patient than is my nature. Can you recommend any books or websites?
I have read just a few books about sex out of thousands and thousands that are available, so I don't have much of an idea about what books or websites are the best ones. What I can say, however, is that if you are heterosexual, find a book or two written by a woman. Look for something that talks about what women want and gets into explicit details of foreplay, manual sex, and cunnilingus. Become a master of the techniques. That takes time and effort but, as you get better, you find that you can satisfy your wife or partner better than you ever did the old fashioned way. At least that's what I found. I also increased the pleasure I derived from her experience and I trained her to do the things that I liked best.
I'm 72 now and I'm not in great shape sexually, but we still have a sex life that feels like a miraculous addition to our old age.
I would re-iterate what Alan said. For me it was orgasm, no erection, starting about 4 weeks after RP, took daily 5mg cialis, but didn't do much of anything. Then 8 or 9 months out, things started to work with a 20mg Cialis. Of course 8 months later I had a BCR, so had to go on ADT. Back to square one for the first 5 months, then in month 6 things worked again. Who knows, I can not explain any of it, but be patient (easier said than done)
When they "de-bulk" - take out the prostate after mets have been discovered - they usually "cut wide," removing the neurovascular bundles. Without any nerve sparing, your odds of regaining erectile function are about 13%. Trimix injections or MUSE will probably work for you -- you should try it before you knock it. A penile implant works great, according to everyone I've talked to who had one.
Cursed with big penis. Even with max dose of double strength Trimix only get soft 6 7/8" erection, may get it in but to soft to stroke. Fingers work well with practice for wife to get two orgasms. New sex is different but still satisfying. Had all neurovascular bundles removed with prostate acct, no clear borders when they got in. Good luck with injection erection, works great for some and is really easy with a little coaching from your urologist.
I will probably try it as soon as I hit the one year mark and heal. We are talking about a pump. You have a big one huh? I have an extremely small one but that's just between you, me and the Internet. You don't know how many times I dreamed of having a large one. I guess I should count my blessings. Mine is almost completely recessed from the surgery. The loss was pretty extreme considering the initial size. Sucks but there's hope that it works and I feel better about that.
Don't wait! Try everything that has been suggested, sequentially not all together. I would encourage you to get a pump and use it daily. It gives great satisfaction to look in the mirror and see a super errection, just like the good old days. Not only that but being able to feel a handful doesn't half make you feel good. With practice and persistence you may well get back to the real business and please the wife as well.
Don't be afraid to try the Alprostodil based products, there are several. The injections are not as formidable as you imagine. And, you may find that a few cycles with the pump prior to injecting gives a much better, (bigger) target.
But, beware, 'if you don't use it you will almost certainly lose it'.
Hi, of your still gettin erections, get a pump or much felattio, and use your Wang as often as possible, it's a very complex muscle as thou now know. If you don't use it, you lose it and you'll just have a hose. Lol, real talk from experience.
I regained erections after 18 months, but immediately was put on viagra after surgery. I used a pump, viagra, and injections. Now, 13 years out, after getting an erection, I use a ring to keep the erection as after a short time it will soften. Good luck, some things work for some and not, try them all!!!
Had a radical prostatectomy 2.5 years ago just after my 47th birthday. It took almost 2 years for my erection to truly come back, and it's still not as hard as it used to be. Also, be aware that you will have lost some length. I do wake up with morning wood now, so that's nice.
I used a pump early on. As others have said, it's nice to see an erection, and it keeps the tissue in your penis healthy.
I am on daily 5mg Cialis since my radical prostatectomy. Cialis 'stacks' so if you take 5mg daily you end up with the equivalent of a 20 mg pill in your body at all times. If your insurance doesn't cover, look into Canadian pharmacies.
If you didn't use them before, I recommend looking into a (0(k ring. Don't get metal. You will want something you can get on and off easily.
The trimix was very effective for me, but I had some side effects and don't use it anymore. I have used a transdermal gel that is squirted into the urethra, but I can't tell if it really does anything. Definitely not as effective as the trimix, but I don't have the side effects with the gel.
Others may disagree, but for me orgasms are very different now. I definitely have them, but they are usually over in a flash. I still feel the 'release' and feel the same after i have one as I did before surgery, but the event itself is quite different. Without the "physical evidence" it took me a while to learn/realize it was happening. On a plus, cleanup is easier, and my recovery time is faster.
Give it time, and play with it A LOT. You definitely have years of enjoyable sex to look forward to.
First - (this is a 'do as I say, not as I do'.) If you have any extra pounds to lose and can lose them (easier said than done, I know from experience) you can 'gain back' some length.
Second - if you are looking for books on ways to have sex without an erection you might want to look into books written for para and quadraplegics. It's not the exactly same, but they are dealing with some very similar issues.
They usually are but sometimes they’re bizarre ; stuff I’ve never done or thought of doing. But I always have a nice erection then I wake up and there’s the same little turtle😭
Definitely get a prescription and use the pump. When I was on my lupron vacation sex was much different but satisfying. Tried trimix and Muse. Both worked but caused extreme pain. My urologist was such a dumbass he still prescribed trimix after Muse. He knew the main ingredient in both was the same but still did it.
That's just lazy medicine. I was able to have erections while on Lupron. Not always but often. I'm going to start with the pump and then work on the more invasive stuff. We'll see. I'm impatient and it is very recently after my surgery. I should be focused on continued healing for a while anyway.
Understood. There are some gifts that come with cancer and one of them is clarity. I'm filling my days with good things with good people. Still, I find the loss of my sexuality much harder than I would have imagined. If it doesn't work out, I'm on to other things for sure. But I want to make sure I've left no stone unturned or unconsidered.
Don’t wreck yourself over sex either way . Easy for me to say now that I evolved past the first two years . I had a foley for a year and a half with tubes out of the back . Sex not even a thought during that time . If need be losing weight is in your favor and I believe can extend you heart also .,
Thank you so much for working on new routes that will help you feel more stimulated. It means a lot to me that you are so open and such a good communicator. It is difficult for me, because many women, at least me, find that so much of sex is in the head. If I cannot get my brain to the right place it is a real challenge for me to relax enough to have that eruption of freedom. The autonomic nervous system is a huge part of orgasm. The sympathetic fight-or-flight system and the parasympathetic relax-we-are-safe-in-a-cave response are both critical to achieving orgasm. The sympathetic phase is when all the blood is shunted to the muscles and away from the guts as the last thing you want to do while running is to drop poo or urine. While during the parasympathetic system is the relax-and-rejuvenate system allowing you to repair tissues and shunts the blood to the guts to digest. There is a debate at which system is the blood and fluid filling stage and which one is the orgasmic release phase. But my point is, that that parasympathetic relaxation phase that allows me to achieve orgasm is a really important phase to get my head to allow my body to relax. And you, my dear, are AMAZING at getting my brain to follow your cues to help me find the way. I am trying to get out of my Victorian sensibilities and find new avenues. I am reading a book and it is helping. Together, we will find a way forward. I love you and love the man that you are and always will be, even without testosterone. Sorry for the lengthy post...the physical therapist in me cannot help it!
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