I know this is a very personal topic, but my husband and I would like to raise it just to hear from others how they are coping.
Since my husband started the anti-hormone treatments in 2004, making love has been really difficult because of lack of the ability to get aroused but also in terms of the erection itself. So, when I met my husband in 2009, this was already a difficult issue but it was, and still is, okay for me.
Sometimes when he still was on anti-hormone treatment Prostop and Zytiga we manage to do it when he took a 100 mg Viagria a couple of hours before hand; well, he was able to keep the erection for a while longer but still the libido that he used to have - as he says - was not quite there and he could certainly not come to the orgasm stage.
Since he started Chemotherapy, we have made love once or twice. The interesting thing is that he can get more aroused now than when he was still on Zytiga. But he doesn't really get hard enough to be able to do it. And he feels a little uncomfortable with taking a tablet because he is feeling so tired and headachy a lot of the time anyway.
We both miss it of course. Not too much - I mean, mostly we are happy that we are together and can enjoy so much time together, making love is really not the most important thing for both of us, and yet it would be nice if we could. So what we would like to know how you are coping and what you are doing in order to be able to sustain an erection. We know this is a very sensitive subject, but one that I am sure is on all of our minds at times.
Best wishes
Mel and Paul.
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MelaniePaul
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I learned from your post you are 35 and Paul 68. I know both of you being through a lot.
I for instance could be a quacker ( I hope I got the term correct).
I have been upfront and Darryl had made a comment which is fine.
Fortunately I am still able to act normal without the need for Viagra.
I am just hoping my treatment plan can work for and open up a new reality. Yes I could be dreaming. Like at address Dan59, just don't get punched while lying down and do nothing.
I wii try not to mirror someone long journey of hell and suffering if I can help it.
I think that sex is a pretty variable thing, with much room for creative adaptation. We tend to think about a man and a woman performing conventional intercourse but that's really only one among many ways that people have sex. Gays and lesbians do it differently and yet may report having very satisfying sex lives. I have seen the term "outercourse" used by people for whom the traditional "intercourse" is no longer possible. It is certainly possible for two people to excite each other and to have orgasms with each other without having penetration at all. It may take practice and creativity. However if two people are willing to put inhibitions aside, and to try new things, and to keep trying new things, and to communicate what they like to each other, and to try hard to learn from each attempt at sex to figure out what worked and what didn't, and to try to make what worked better and better for your partner - all good things will result.
My suggestions are: Don't give up. Try whatever it is that you think might work to get him aroused and to bring him to orgasm. He should do the same for you - in fact, if he does it for you first, your arousal and orgasm will arouse him and help him to come too.
I'm probably beating about the bush too much here so, since we're all consenting adults, I'll simplify things and come straight to the point. I recommend experimenting with all the options - oral sex, manual sex, lubricants, bathtubs, sex toys, mutual masturbation, pornography, whatever. There's nothing to lose and no real reason to be inhibited or embarrassed. Whatever you can do for each other that works is a Good Thing.
I agree with everything you say in your post. And we are certainly people who try everything to get each other excited and happy. And, yes, that intercourse is not the only way to enjoy each other's bodies is something that we have discovered as well.
However, we would both love to be able to make love. And it makes us sad that we can't.
With Paul's very low Testosteron-level and because he is on strong medication (Chemotherapy) the body just doesn't react in the way it normally would.
He just can't hold the erection long enough.
So that is why we are looking for a way to enjoy intercourse occasionally at least.
After RP, my wife and I are still trying to get the right dose of TriMix for full erection...getting close but not there yet. with the max of 60u injection that is our next step...wish us luck. Takes a little nerve and practice to stick the needle into my penis, but around here we are all kind of used to being stuck. Shouldn't need as much if no RP surgery was done and some nerve control is still available.
Doug
We are sexual beast. It’s in our dna makeup. The physical and emotional release for both men and women is beneficial. Without this there is some frustration for us. The spiritual and close intimacy and feeling of being needed and satisfying another’s need is priceless .Sex is nice but the unconditional love and intimacy can be expressed in other caring ways. There come a day for all of us in life where sex is no longer our main focus. I had 40 years of sexual activity..I’m not bragging but sex was always a driving factor in my life until 3yrs ago at age53. Now after 3yrs of adt & an orchiectomy I have nightly erections usually as I get up to pee 5 x per night. We have made love about 6 times in 3yrs. Not because of ED. But because for the first 1/2 yrs I had catheters a foley ,and or stints and tubes being replaced sugically every 3months.I could find no comfort during that time.. I suffered a lot urologically.My Love was with me every second and truthfully she couldn’t really touch me or get near me in bed at night due to my discomfort. The doc’s did some crazy procedures to me that my wife witnessed that where in fact, gorey. Fortunately or unfortunately I can’t decide which. My wife is entering menapause with me so she doesnt have much desire right now.. and we have up until a few weeks ago been going through some minor battle of the sexes. W3 ar3 good however now and my wife and my life are wonderful. My main goal is to please her. I have hope that nights of passion will resume as we both sort out this menapausal mix that we’re caught up in. I can definitely relate to my female counterparts and to partners of APC patients such as yourself. Keep love in your heart and know that us men surely are not overjoyed to have our masculinity and strength pulled out from under us. Hope things improve for you and your love. holding my wife closely and kissing her gives me Complete satisfaction. and and melts my soul. I’m lucky to have this love. Enjoy the season.
I really don't feel that intercourse is absolutely necessary for us. We are doing a lot of hugging and cuddling and showing our appreciation for each other in all sorts of ways. It would just be nice to be able to have intercourse from time to time. The last time I think was in September. Since then, we have simply had too much going on, too much to think about, and often Paul wouldn't feel well enough.
We will try it with a pill again, I think.
And talk to the doctor about the other ways that were suggested here.
As I say: Most important is that we are here and alive and happy together.
We must be grateful..Things can always get better or they can get worse ..Sex is the ultimate reward of love. A bliss to be missed for most of us. A physical confirmation of our feelings. Without sex, the human touch can heal .Let us not forget that intimacy and caring for another are in themselves full of rewards. When I’m held with love by my sweetheart I have no fears or further needs to be fulfilled.My big guilt is that I’m not taking care of my partners needs. That I have in fact shorted her healthy adult sex life down to nil. I pray for love and fulfillment for you and your spouse, and for all of us...Peace to you.......
Well, at least now you can both have hot flashes together and won't have to decide about leaving the ceiling fan on.. I'm up and deliver coffee to my wife at 10AM each morning I am home. My little jelly beans and RP pretty much ended sex, but if we can get a little once in a while with injection help, we will enjoy it. A great wife for 39yrs. now has been a real blessing to me.
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