54 ways to respond to "You look SO GOOD"

This was written for MS, but we can apply it to prostate cancer too.

betterleftunsaid7.tumblr.co...

Add your responses below!

[BrentW]

I particularly like the one, "You should be on the inside." However, I find it engenders guilt in both parties when I use it, my guilt being for saying such a thing. Why do I feel guilty, though, for having PCa? Do others feel this?

[Dr_WHO in reply to BrentW]

Good point. I have a hat that says " Stage 4? I like a Challenge!". Having cancer is a challenge and wearing that hat gives me strength, like putting on armor. However sometimes I worry that others will think I am asking for pity. I guess I need a physcio analyst on top of everything else. That, or not go outside.

[Hidden in reply to Dr_WHO]

Hi Dr,

I tried one, it was a waste of time. And, you know we have plenty of that.

Joe

[erjlg3 in reply to Dr_WHO]

I would see a BEAUTIFUL WARRIOR who is so brave under that Cap Dr_WHO!!!

I love it!

Jackie

[Dr_WHO in reply to erjlg3]

Everyone here is a strong, wonderful warrior! Glad about the last set of results! Let's keep that cancer at bay!

[Dr_WHO in reply to erjlg3]

And your posts are an inspiration to me. Thank you!😀😀

[Hidden in reply to BrentW]

I find "You should be on the inside" very sad. It makes me want to cry. I think the reason for that is that on the outside, I try to put on a happy face, try to "look good", have a positive attitude and make others feel better about my cancer.

But the one you are alone with on inside is not hiding, not faking it to the outside world. If you could come to the inside, you'd find someone who is frightened, sad, angry and a lot of other things that he hides from public view.

We unconsciously do a lot to protect the feelings of those around us, not wanting to make them feel bad.

For those who really can't understand what it's like, saying "you look good" is the only way they know how to respond.

No one can be on the inside with you. There you are alone. Only those who have been there know what it's really like.

[ctarleton in reply to Hidden]

My wife and I attend a weekly cancer support group, facilitated by an older doctor who has long experience with patients (and caregivers) with differing types of advanced cancer. Over a longer period of time, it is a wonderful place to really speak from one's heart and Authentic self, with people who are often Stage IV, doing serious treatments, and, occasionally, even dying. Being with others who "get it" is very worthwhile, and mutually supportive.

[Hidden in reply to ctarleton]

I need such a group.

[erjlg3 in reply to Hidden]

[wrando]

It drives me crazy. I try and ignore it.

[westjl2]

You look good is the response I get from so many people as well. But it's a no-win situation. As soon as you start trying to explain how you really feel I start to feel like I'm complaining. It's like so many things in life with people. Some know how to show true empathy and truly ask you how you're feeling. Others just skate on the surface and throw out clichés. My favourite was the fellow who said to me "none of us are going to get out of this world alive". My favourite come back to some people is "looking good feeling bad". But my favourite response to people is how grateful I am that I have learned to enjoy every day and live life to its fullest. That tends to throw it back on people to make them realize that maybe they don't really appreciate life as much as they should.

[Dan59]

Often when your hair falls out during chemo, and maybe you feel better than you had in years, They quit saying , "But you look so good, just because your hair falls out , they then think you look like the face of cancer, just my observations. I hope everyone has a great day.

Dan

[pjoshea13]

I have a friend of almost 50 years, whom I see perhaps once every other year. The first time she told me "You look SO GOOD", her expression was a mix of delight & trying to say something uplifting. But I heard an unintended reproach: "I was so worried, & you aren't really sick at all."

In recent years, she has skipped the "SO GOOD" line. &, of course, there is a kind of reproach in that. The cancer is evidently nothing serious.

There is no point in responding - it only reveals over-sensitivity.

But I did come up with a response that I have never used:

I may have cancer, but I still have my health!"

-Patrick

[ctarleton in reply to pjoshea13]

I have come to think that there is a big difference between being Cured of our disease, and being Healed, regardless of the state of our disease. Healing and evolving Hopes can be continuous for all of our years and days, right up until the end of our lives.

[erjlg3 in reply to pjoshea13]

but lol for your humor Patrick 😉

[j-o-h-n]

reply to women: If you think I look so good? You'll be thrilled when you see me naked.

reply to men: If you think I look so good? Well you see that's the upside of PCa.

Good Luck and Good Health.

j-o-h-n Saturday 09/30/2017 12:19 PM EST

[erjlg3 in reply to j-o-h-n]

Laughed out loud j-o-h-n.

[Scruffybut1]

I was in the hospital consulting room when a guy with a heft of folders came in. He looked around and also looked puzzled. As he began to leave I said 'Can I help you?'. He replied 'I've been asked to undertake a patient check up but...' I interrupted 'Which patient?'. 'David Butler' was the reply.

That's me. 'But you don't look ill!'

'So you're my new specialist registrar. I hope you can keep up the good work.'

[erjlg3 in reply to Scruffybut1]

🤣 Scruffybut1

[erjlg3]

Just found this Gregg!! Really liked a few of those lol ;))

Thanks so much for posting 😎

Jackie

[CSHobie]

That is a good list, I have actually used a few of those. My response sometime: It is amazing what a good dose of Fentanyl can do.

[CAMPSOUPS]

At some point I realized I sounded like a parrot of NPR ( national public radio ).Because everytime I responded I started with " all things considered ".

Yea all things considered not doing too bad ( etc. ).

[Hidden in reply to CAMPSOUPS]

For me, the only way to have a good quality of life is to live in the present tense. I just can't think about the future. I am fully alive in this moment of time.

[CAMPSOUPS in reply to Hidden]

Me too. I agree. The emotional turmoil at diagnosis within me and immediate family was extremely intense. As for all here the same.That faded over time and I/we live with positivity enjoying every day.

[Hidden in reply to CAMPSOUPS]

I have to admit, having cancer has taught to me to live life to the fullest. Use it or lose it.