Emotional support needed!

[stephaniejRN]

I just received the terrifying news that my Dad's prostate cancer has now metastasized to his bones; pelvis, skull, spine, and shoulders. He will be starting Enzalutamide in a few weeks. Needless to say I am feeling so many emotions including anger and sadness. I don't want my Dad to die. I'm 28 years old and not sure what I'm going to do without him!

[Hidden]

Those closest to us have the greatest effect on us.He will need your love and compassion more now than ever. Im sorry that your family is touched by APC. He is a lucky father to have such love from a daughter. My dad checked out about 20ys ago I always thought that he would be here.The hope is that he's in a better place. Cherish your dad and be his strength..

[JamesAtlanta]

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I lost my father when I was about your age. Losing a parent is tough. They hold such a special place in our hearts. They gave us life. They raised us. They taught us most of the things we know how to do every day. They picked us up when we stumbled. They are our biggest fans. And we feel like they are invincible.

Unfortunately we learn that they are human and not invincible.

The best advice I can give is this: As a caregiver, be supportive. He needs you so he can keep up the fight. It's a strange 'role reversal' that takes place when a child assumes the caregiver role for their parents. I suppose it's just part of the so called 'circle of life'.

When your father's time does come, just as it will for all of us, hold onto your memories. When a parent passes away, they don't leave you. While they may not be able to talk to you any more, they remain in your heart. The influence they had on your development, your values, and how you live your life goes on inside you - ALWAYS. Celebrate his life 😊

This disease is terrible. It causes pain and suffering. But we all one day go a better place - and we will all meet our loved ones again. In the meantime he will still be watching over you.

Our prayers are with you, your dad, and your family. 🙏 And enjoy being with him today. 😊

[Dr_WHO]

So sorry. I firmly believe that cancer is harder on the ones around us than the people who have cancer. I know that my advanced cancer is a lot harder on my wife than on me. While having cancer sucks, we have gotten a lot closer. We now cherish life so much more and take nothing for granted. Please use this time to become closer to your dad (if that is possible). Please also know that there are a lot of men here with metastasized cancer that have had it for years.

Please focus on the positives and do not dwell on the negatives. We all must leave this earth at sometime. We refuse to waste a second being sad. Because of the cancer I have a chance to cherish life and my wife more than if I was to go in a car accident. Hopefully you two will have years and years together to make special memories.

Prayers going out to your whole family.

[YostConner]

Stephanie,

My cancer has been metastatic to bone for eight years. Your dad's progression doesn't mean death is imminent. I'm glad to hear he is about to start enzalutamide. Could he start sooner than a few weeks? Has he done provenge?

I'm sorry this is so hard on you. Those of us who have the disease recognize the pain our loved ones feel. Keep loving each other and creating good memories together. And please let us know how you're doing, too.

Yost.

[dbeaudet in reply to YostConner]

What are the side effects of the bone cancer and the treatment? My brother in law was just diagnosed. He is so angry and sad about it, as one would expect.

[YostConner in reply to dbeaudet]

For me, it ranges from nothing (there are some known lesions I do not feel) to aching (pretty much constant on the left side of my rib cage) to sharp pain. Three years ago the pain in my left rib cage became so bad that I had palliative radiation to relieve it. When my pain number reaches 3, I use Aleve. If the number goes higher, I use Tramadol. I use Vitamin D and calcium daily. I have not moved to one of the prescription bone strengtheners. I have taken some precautions to help prevent breaks. For example, I no longer ride roller coasters.

I hope your brother-in-law finds successful treatment.

[Hidden]

Life throws curve balls at all of us. Your dad is in my thoughts. Miraculous things may happen,or maybe not. Either way your dad should be made as comfortable and loved as possible. The rest will take care of itself.

[erjlg3]

My thoughts and good wishes. It's good he is starting this medication. Perhaps it will help him and give him many more happy years with all of you.

Hugs,

Jackie

[Scruffybut1]

Stephanie from your young age may I guess that your father is younger than me? 4 years ago I was diagnosed with Metastatic stage 4, high bone spread in both hips, 30 mets in my spine, more than a dozen in my back ribs, a spread in my sternum, both scapulae. With Zoladex, plus chemo my scans showed only 1 lazy met left. My PSA was 200, now a consistent 0.030.

I have been greatly helped by the bothers and sisters on this site. I have learned not to fear fear and to love life. My own father, a Royal Marine Commando, died of war complications when I was 4. My memories are powerful despite my young age and since the Zoladex so so emotional. While you are giving to your dad and that may well be for many years please take as much from him as you can in his memories of his own life and your place in it. Live his life with him. God Bless. David.

(Scruffybut was my favourite dog)

[MelaniePaul]

Stephanie.

My husband has been living with Prostate cancer and many bone mets for 14 years and is currently on Chemotherapy after a long list of other treatments.

Remember: Yes, it is sad, but your dad is still there, and probably will be for a long time. As somebody else here said this is not a death sentence.

I can understand, though, how shocked and sad you are feeling right now. And that is normal too. We are afraid when we think of the possibility of losing somebody close to us.

So let the grief come when it wants to. But also make sure that you keep positive and enjoy the time you have with your dad which, as I said, may still be a very long time!

Mel.

[Sisira]

Dear daughter,

Positive attitudes, hopes and courage are more useful in situations like this. Nevertheless, I can understand how you feel deep in your heart to do everything possible to extend the life of your beloved father. I hope when you read through the words expressed by our group here that you will be exposed more to the realities of life and see far beyond your age. Although I don't know much about the history of your father's case, I should say all treatments are not yet exhausted for your father. And also each individual's prognosis is different. In this direction you should be able to get a break for further treatment with advice contained in Scruffybut1's reply in particular.

My prayers for your Dad, your good self and your family!

Sisira

[RonL]

I like many others here have castrate resistant metastatic prostate cancer (mCRPCa). Personally I'm not planning to shuffle off this mortal coil anytime soon. Your father may well have years ahead of him.

Good luck

Ron

[eggraj8]

Take everything one day at a time and try to see the good things that you and your dad have together now. My cancer metastasized to my bones, liver, and lungs last fall. I was in pretty bad shape by December when I started Chemo (Docetaxil & Carboplatin). I am taking the chemo along with ADT shots. I just had my 10 round of chemo and I feel much better than I did in the winter and expect to go on for a long while in the future. I went to my son's wedding danced a little not much went to a grandsons birthday party. Your father should do the same but you have to remember he will be a lot slower and need your help much more. I can't cut the lawn so my son does that. Taking out the garbage my wife does now. But I cook my own breakfast and do light housework by myself. Life will not be all that easy for him or your self but he should be able to have many happy years ahead.

[Stumpgirl]

Hi Stephanie - I joined here after learning that my father had stage 4 prostate cancer as well. I can fully relate to the feelings of shock and grief. You'll find very valuable information here and a lot of support. I would encourage your dad to join when and if he's ready. As many here have mentioned, there are people that have and continue to fight this cancer for years. We have to continue to hope and pray that life extending drugs make it to the market so that they can benefit our daddies. Research everything you can. Make sure your father is receiving the best care possible. Take advantage of every bit of time you have with him and then let go and let God. I'm here if you ever need a friend.

[scarlino]

So many have said exactly what you need to hear. I agree the caregivers I think have a harder road because they must watch and support. Every day newer treatments and combinations of treatments emerge. It is not the death sentence it used to be. Be strong for him and encourage him to enjoy life and fight it as hard as he can. Relationships often grow and reach more depth when this stuff occurs. You are very caring and that means so much to APC patients. I would believe he deeply appreciates you very much!

[j-o-h-n]

TO: stephaniejRN

I as well as most of us can understand your many emotions regarding your fathers health. I HATE all cancers, I even hate the word. You must focus on your love for him and his love for you and keep the faith and be positive that he will beat his malady. I keep my sanity by using humor because I refuse to let this disease control me. This thought about my Pca is with me every day that "My name is Donald Duck and I don't give a flying feather".

Good Luck and Good Health to your Father, to you and to all of his family and friends.

j-o-h-n Sunday 07/30/2017 12:05 PM EST

[Gary64]

The first thing that you need to do is take a deep breath. This is not a death sentence for your dad. Second, I would explore the cutting edge work being done in personalized medicine. For example there is a company named CureMatch that combines technology spun out of Univ of California's renowned Moores Cancer Center with technology from Univ of California San Diego Supercomputer Center. The message of the company is that there are 4.5 million 3-drug combinations available for cancer and each person is unique in the way that they should be treated. No oncologist can be familiar with all of the combinations but many oncologists haven't caught up with what is available. CureMatch uses genomic, proteomic and next generation sequencing data, runs that data through the supercomputer, and then works with the patient's oncologist (regardless of where the patient might be located geographically) to design an optimal therapy. The company is still young and hasn't specifically focused on prostate cancer. But read the backgrounds of the co-founders, especially Razelle Kurzrock, MD and Igor Tsigelny, PhD. Also read some of the news and blog entries on the company's website. This is the direction of cancer treatment of the future. At any rate, keep a very positive attitude...it's amazing how powerful the mind can be. And good luck. As I said, it's not a death sentence and you shouldn't think of it in a negative way.

[Gary64 in reply to Gary64]

One more thing. I'd find an enlightened oncologist to work with. I've been very fortunate to have worked with Dr. Stephen Strum through the years but take control of your dad's team and find the very best.

[dbeaudet]

Stephanie, I am so sorry. I just posted about my brother-in-law. He has a Gleason score of 9 and was told his cancer is still contained in the prostrate but is close to breaking through. If this happens it will go to the bones. I am told this is very painful. They are going to start him on a hormone treatment called ADT. It apparently stops the male hormones in the prostrate from producing, thus, stops the cancer cells from growing and trying to break out. He is very very upset and angry with his wife. He wants it removed. He spent six hours yesterday at Dana Farber Cancer Center in Boston meeting with his team. He is 70 but has so much life in him. I am so sad for him and you.