Diagnosis +10 Years

+10

F you, PCa.

You have disfigured my body.

You have humbled my muscles.

You have corrupted my bones.

You have fogged my mind.

You have struck me with fatigue I had never even imagined.

You have sent me to the O.R., to the radiation suite and to the infusion center.

You have even robbed me of roller coasters.

But in ten years you haven't touched my soul. And you won't.

I am resolute.

So fuck off, prostate cancer. I will NEVER yield to you.

34 Replies

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  • Amen Yost!!

  • Thanks Yost I believe you stated what most of us feel.

    Dennis

  • I might go further Dennis and sat it's what all of us feel..I found myself shouting at f'in Ca. As I read this.

  • Very well put!

  • I agree with a whole lot of this post. At the same time, there have been some unexpected benefits of becoming a 198 pound Peter Pan, and becoming so much more intimate with my own mortality. I am not nearly so insular as I was before. I see more of the simple things of daily beauty all around me in this world with new eyes. I don't sweat some of the small stuff so much as before. Some things have moved to greater or lesser priorities in my life. My wife and I are closer that ever before. I do more hugging. I ask for more help when I need it. Often I offer more help than I did before. I express my emotions more freely. In some ways, yes, incurable prostate cancer was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. In other ways, it has been one of the best things that has happened to me in my life (apart from the pain, treatments, fear & anxiety, other emotions, and all the other usual medical/symptom, crapola that goes on between initial diagnosis and whatever may follow, for however long).

    So, thank you PCa, and, .... F##k You, too!!!

  • Great post. before I was diagnosed it seemed like I was going through life half asleep. Going through the motions waiting for someday. My cancer has been the wakeup call. Don't waste a single day they are all precious.

  • Words of wisdom....

  • Good perspective, and I have also noticed the same things. This disease has given me a deeper appreciation of life and the relationships I have. It really helps you to redefine what is important. I'm also redefining what "quality of life" means to me. I had already been making a lot of progress in this direction before the diagnosis because I knew sooner or later something would come along, so why not make it easier on yourself instead of pretending it will never happen? When I talk to people about my cancer I always tell them the most important thing to do is learn to appreciate every moment of their life and all those loved ones around them. Don't take anything for granted or make any assumptions about the life you have left. It's really easy to live in a protective bubble that you create for yourself to insulate you from what we all really know is coming down the road. The more you practice living life to the fullest, appreciating every moment, the more prepared you will be for that time comes.

  • Yost,

    You have also been kind and considerate to provide advice and support to others like me who are just beginning this journey. So thank you, and may you continue to face down this insidious disease for another 10 years!

    All the best

  • Thanks Yost, you made my Sunday.

  • The words of a warrior--It would be a pleasure to go to any war with you!

    Nalakrats

  • ...tears

  • Well written, Yost.

  • I feel this...but I am also depressed and angry most because my partner doesn't want me...will not support me sexually (I need stimulation in order to get the erectile dysfunction meds to work - I'm in the gym 5 days a week to keep my body in shape)...so...hard to feel emotionally strong. I am letting this and my cancer define me

  • It's tough having a "partner" who can't handle your new reality. It takes a special person to change their life to adapt to yours. Imho You need to either redirect your priorities if she's worth keeping for other reasons or get a new partner if sex continues to be high priority for you. Compromise is always required when priorities differ.

    Bob

  • I agree, Bob...but when I was diagnosed at 55...i was still very sexually active. This whole erectile dysfunction/lack of testosterone has altered my life (as I am sure it had every man whose had to face this) in a way I just can't accept or get past. It haunts me...has emasculated me. I have become incredibly insecure and I have no self confidence. I can't seem to climb out of this...and prior to the cancer I was able to move through anything. How I felt about myself...about being a man played s big part in my ability to cope.

  • This is something too many of us face. My concern was the opposite. My testosterone is near zero, and my libido is even lower. I was afraid I would not be able to keep my husband happy sexually. He has adapted, and our reality has changed. I hope you find a way around this quickly.

    In the meantime, ill share something my son once told me. I told him one of the reasons I keep facial hair is that it's a last bit of masculinity I can hold onto. My son replied, "You are more masculine than most men."

    I suspect the same of you, Lombardi. Keep your dick happy, but realize this disease and its treatment makes you more man, not less.

    One final thought--have you considered therapy and/or anti-depressants? Might help with the internal struggles.

    My hat's off to you.

  • I do have a therapist...but dealing doesn't change much. He is meeting other men. And I am jealous of him and angry for the lack of support. So...i have to consider getting out and moving on.

  • I hope you find a path that is good for you. We're pulling for you.

  • Thx Host

  • I was Dx at age 69 but had mild ED since age 59 due to meds I was taking for BPH. I had been a sex addict since puberty . My wife and I have enjoyed oral sex since marriage 48 years ago. She had vaginal dryness since menopause so I haven't had intercourse for like 20 years! And I've been unable to get an erection since 2013 when I had RP. After SRT and ADT I have low libido and even if I had libido there's nothing I could do about it! I feel for guys who get this at an early age. Sex is a great gift to men (and some women) and when it's gone it leaves a huge hole which needs to be replaced with other activities.

  • To my and everyone else's PCa,

    Chuck you Farley.

    j-o-h-n Sunday 04/30/2017 11:39 AM EST

  • Yost,

    Thanks for that (can I get permission o repost that on HW site???)and thanks for being a great example of being a fighter of this beast!

    Wings

  • You're welcome to repost.

  • Thanks for this post and your inspiring resoluteness, Yost. Thanks too for being such a caring and giving member of the Malecare forums.

  • 13 years out, on Xtandi, God has been so good to me. I find this post offensive.

  • I'm sorry I offended you. Feel free to block my posts.

  • Well said Yost. I am a new bird in this group. You and the many others here have given me so much comfort and strength. Here's to you and another 10 plus years- Nick

  • Diagnosis +18.

    Right on!

  • Thank you, Yost.

  • You are awesome! Thanks for that!

  • Poetic truth..

  • I agree, F the cancer! Sums up how I feel too.

    Fight until the last cancer-killing bullet, take as many of them with me as I can and live the best life I can in the meantime. F the cancer!!!!

  • Thanks Yost, I think you've summed up my feelings. I'm not sure how anyone could find your post offensive - I find it inspirational. I like your son's comments, I might just regrow my goatee.

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