I know I’m not crazy…I can’t be I know something bigger is going on in my brain and I don’t know how I’m going to get the help and even if I got the help and if I’m still with my husband how will I convince him that I might need to go to a place like Amen Clinic or Dr. Ned Hallowell’s Clinic?
I’m so sad I have such a weight in my heart. I’m so sad I’m so desperate. I can’t pass this craziness on to my daughter…I’m so sad
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Chrysalis3
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Amén is awesome, but I've only read books. The scans and treatment are very expensive (thousands), BUT, I've picked up A LOT from reading 'Change Your Brain, Change Your Life' - Highly recommended.
That book will help you connect a lot of dots and work on this yourself if the clinics / scan are too expensive for you.
Either way, breathe, calm down and give yourself some grace. You need to slow down so things can get better. You're clearly upset and thinking too much, too quickly and slanted toward the negative.
We're all here for you, even if remotely and virtually. You're fighting a very special, difficult fight and I, for one, am very proud of you.
Remember - Whether you go the Amen route, just read his stuff along with others, use medication to complement your exercise regimen / vitamins / supplements, and everything else, the biggest leg up I've gotten has come from Andrew Huberman, and that is while I was researching sleep.
Being a life-long insomniac, my brain was literally dying on the vine due to bad sleep, which made everything else basically impossible if not for naught. So, even though it's been over a year now, and even though I wake up 'hating reality, not wanting to get up, begging and pleading in my head for another life away from this nightmare", etc (more on this below), I force myself to get up after a couple of minutes and I force myself to stay quiet, brush my teeth, and I force myself to get a cup of coffee after taking my Ritalin and I go outside, sit in my backyard with the rising sun hitting my eyes (indirectly) while I read for 15-20 minutes (Stoicism these days) and drink my coffee.
This rewires my brain, gets me planning my day, completely does away with all the negativity and I follow it up with my 'Timebox' exercise for 15 minutes, where I plan out my day in 5-30min chunks to be as productive as possible.
This routine gets me totally unstuck in the mornings and BONUS, when I go to bed at night after taking my Magnesium, L-Theanine, and Ashwaghanda (and AVOID ANY SCREENTIME - That took a couple of months to unwind late at night...) I am out like a light in about 15 minutes on a very consistent basis.
So - 2 things, in my humble, yet very experienced opinion:
First, a clarification: I'm sorry to say that upon waking is my WORST inner monologue of the day, but I have it down to about 5-20 minutes now instead of it being an all-day thing like it used to be. What's more, I was unaware that it was an all day thing. I'm not sure where you are on this journey, but I'd venture to say it's still rather pervasive for you.
Second, I'm giving you a very clear example of the STRONGEST tool of all, again, in my humble opinion: BEHAVIORAL TOOLS. What I mean is that, while I'm sure the supplements help a lot in getting me to sleep and stay asleep, It's more the latter. I have experimented extensively with morning sunlight in my eyes and without that behavioral piece, it basically renders the nighttime supplements ineffective. If I only do the sunlight piece, I fall asleep very well, but I have propensity to wake up repeatedly and stay awake. It takes BOTH. I have found that this is the case with many aspects/symptoms of ADHD.
In summary - Give yourself a pat on the back for going 30 seconds without berating yourself, for ANYTHING you can. It will start sinking in and you will begin focusing more positive energy on good things and taking that time, focus and effort away from negativity and you will reap the benefits directly. No one needs to know and they don't really care; they have a completely different reality. Sure, that will hurt A LOT in the beginning, and it may sting for months, just a little bit, even, but eventually, you too will begin to naturally, organically migrate away from that and focus on the right type of energy, positivity and productivity from a new, healthier perspective almost entirely based on new neural connections that will make your life function much, much better. And on and on, with different behavioral tools, as applied to complement nutrition, supplementation, Rx, therapy, etc.
Without that Morning AM Sun In The Eyes bit to my routine, I would not have been able to teach myself to sleep again, and I would not be where I am now.
I have a LONG way to go, but I can tell you through very gradual steps over the last year, at least, I've made some strides that I would have thought impossible at that time. Nothing in this life has made me want to just give up as much as ADHD in its full expression as an adult with no prior diagnosis, nor treatment, with a lifetime of bad neural connections having developed as poor coping mechanisms manifesting in all manner of defects of character. No more. I'm actively unwinding all of that and you can too.
Start small, but do it as often as you can manage. Build up your resilience. I, for one, am waiting for you on this side, and I look forward to your arrival. Don't worry, this is just another stop along the way to much, much more improvement, joy and happiness. Start learning to enjoy the ride by learning to ignore the torture.
Change one behavior today. Repeat it tomorrow. Build that one, new, better habit.
I'm not anywhere near any of the Amen Clinics, and don't have the finances to travel for my treatment. So, I do the best that I can with my regular doctor, and with therapy for my emotional issues.
Dr. Amen and his clinics definitely put a lot of focus on treating ADHD.
He is a bit of a controversial figure within the psychiatric community for some claims that he has made, and claims by others that his clinics are selling the supplements that he recommends.
• Plenty of "celebrity" doctors have something to sell. Many other ADHD experts at least have written books based on their knowledge of the disorder.
• Time will tell whether his research findings will be confirmed by his peers, or not. (It can sometimes take decades for some research findings to become commonly accepted.) His ideas are different, but that doesn't automatically make them wrong.
Research and product placement aside, nobody can refute that the Amen Clinics have definitely helped to increase accessibility to ADHD treatment. Dr. Amen has also done a lot to increase awareness of ADHD and treatments for it.
I checked into his clinic and diagnostic evaluation fees are $5k -no insurance coverage. There is a lot of information about him and his clinic. One of the tells for critics is the shilling of supplements.
Andrew Huberman also has a big following and plenty of critics. From his personal credibility issues, cherry picking of studies and conclusions he draws, while to the lay person sounds pretty astute, the medical community does not. He also is big on shilling supplements. Check YouTube for an excellent discussion by a group of 4 medical experts.
Please do your research-listen or read some books about it and see if there are any universities near you that have a psychiatry department with an ADHD practice. These are usually quite good and work on a sliding scale.
From what my research suggests one will need both a psychiatrist (to understand the inner workings of ADD as well as assess whether and what meds might help) AND an ADD coach to help you develop strategies to improve your mental health and those around you.
I am also assisting my husband on finding the keys to alleviate the depression & anxiety he experiences. It also has become a raging tiger in our relationship.
I hear how tough this situation is for you. It’s good that you’re reaching out for support. Amen Clinics and Dr. Ned Hallowell’s Clinic are both known for their work with mental health, and many people have found their approaches helpful. However, it’s important to be cautious and ensure that any treatment or diagnostic methods are based on solid, evidence-based practices.
For ADHD diagnosis, it's important to know that it's typically diagnosed through a thorough evaluation involving interviews and behavioral assessments rather than brain scans. The American Academy of Pediatrics and other reputable organizations recommend using established clinical guidelines for diagnosing ADHD.
If you’re considering seeking help, you might want to look for providers who follow these evidence-based practices. An open conversation with your husband about what you're going through and the options you're exploring might also help in getting his support.
Here are some resources to explore to help you on your journey:
A few years ago I looked into Dr. Amen's stuff as well as watched his videos when a friend was raving about him. I was not impressed. His brain SPECT scan seems very suspect. It is like looking at how a computer's processor is put together by x-raying, in order to fix the software running it! Our brains are orders of magniture more complex than computers.
I have watched some of Huberman's talks and I am not a fan (nor of his cohorts like Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan and so on). It seems to me a lot of people are willing to outsource critical thinking to such people.
In contrast I have read Dr. Hallowell's books and think he is genuine.
I have tried to manage my ADHD through diet, meditation, stress reduction, regular routine, exercise, getting to know myself better (& my triggers!), acceptance, vigilance etc. with mixed success. For me, what works best is human support & love. I think all of these are worth looking into in addition to whatever treatment you receive.
Personally I think ADHD is not a "disorder" but a) it is in a severe mismatch with the modern life and b) the modern life & its distractions makes it worse. That is, an ADHD person is "A Stranger in a Strange Land"! (Rober Heinlein) This is not something I can test so more a belief that makes it easier for me accept it! Regardless, I wish you joy & wellness!
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