Worried about diagnostic process

[Rustreloaded]

Spent months thinking about going through the diagnostic process after stumbling across two videos from separate YTers I follow on non-ADHD topics getting late diagnosis finding points of similarity with my own experience then bit-by-bit, spending a long time digging into the topic realising that this might be why I've struggled all my life and felt a bit like a square peg in a round hole. Anyway, I'm considering the diagnostic process at aged nearly 60 just to get an answer one way or the other but I'm really worried:

1. that a private diagnosis in the context of a burgeoning private diagnostic market won't be thorough enough (that Panorama programme spooked me a bit),

2. the neuropsych assessment I had a few years ago might muddy the waters of a diagnosis - it found possible weakness in executive functioniong along with working memory and processing speed deficits so diminished from my expected level of functioning that they would occur in only 1% of the population - although there was no definitive diagnosis, just suggestions of things in my history that might be contributory factors,

3. a private diagnosis not allowing me to access NHS services in a timely manner if I'm diagnosed and having gone through triation privately I can't afford to continue with the medication and instead have to sit on an NHS waiting list for upwards of 3 years to continue with treatment (I have a small income but can set aside a little of my savings to get through diagnosis and triation, if diagnosed),

4. is it even worth it at my age

Thanks in anticipation of any comments on any of this.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the Adult ADHD forum!

Sounds like you're in the UK.

Hopefully some ADHDers in the UK can comment on the experience of going through private evaluation and treatment there.

What you said were the results of your neuropsych exam might help with an ADHD diagnosis. I know that other conditions can cause executive functioning and working memory problems, but they are very common issues with ADHD. The slower processing speed is something that I experienced before my ADHD diagnosis and starting on meds. It's actually a defining trait of another attention disorder which is often a comorbidity (concurrent condition) of ADHD; this other condition used to be known as Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT), but was renamed to Cognitive Disengagement Syndrome (CDS).

• CDS isn't yet in the diagnostic manual in the US. I'm not certain, but I don't think it's in the diagnostic manual for the EU yet, either.

• Researchers on this condition say that it is a comorbidity of ADHD up to 50% of the time, which I think adds to the likelihood of you having ADHD.

If you've had those issues throughout your life, I think it's likely that you have ADHD.

If these attention issues began much later than childhood, especially if they began only in recent years, then perhaps they are due to a different cause. But I know that many of us, like myself, have been diagnosed far along into adulthood. For me, it was at 45.

[Rustreloaded in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thank you, that's really useful.

[Jozlynn]

Hello Rustreloaded!

I was diagnosed - and thus started treatment - at the age of 50, and I can say without hesitation that it's one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Not only did it help me understand myself better, but KNOWING I had ADHD went a long way towards my not judging myself so harshly. Having this awareness has allowed me to research and study things about ADHD that have improved my life so dramatically that I would never go back.

Ultimately, it's about quality of life for me. You may live another 40+ years, so why not do so from a place of better understanding yourself and receiving the kind of treatment that can improve that quality of life.

This is just my perspective, but I wanted to weigh in as someone who also discovered this late in life. It was absolutely worth going through the diagnostic process for me in order to reach the understanding of myself that I now have. My life is sincerely better for knowing (not just suspecting) that I have ADHD. When I suspected it but didn't have the diagnosis, I constantly questioned whether or not I was making things up or grasping at straws to explain my behavior. Knowing made all the difference for me.

I hope this helps some!

[Rustreloaded in reply to Jozlynn]

Thank you Jozlynn, this does make perfect sense when put like that. If I get a diagnosis and find a treatment that works then even if it made life just a bit better it would be worth it but what really hits home is what you've said about knowing rather than just suspecting. I'm a world class self doubter and don't want to spend the rest of my life, however long or short it may be, questioning the validity of a self diagnosis with the attendant shame and self criticism.

[Jozlynn in reply to Rustreloaded]

Hey Rustreloaded! I have found that as ADHDers, we have real tendency to not only doubt ourselves, but live in that shame and self criticism you mentioned. Most of us have been told all our lives - in big ways and/or in small (it doesn't really matter) - that we're "too much" or how we don't fit for one reason or another. KNOWING why we (the square peg) have never really fit (in the round hole) has gone a long, long way towards healing some of that shame and self doubt, and reducing the self-criticism, at least for me. The healing I didn't even know I needed has been amazing. My husband even said it was like I came "into my own" when I discovered the ADHD. It was like rediscovering who I truly was after 50 years of thinking of myself as "less than". I gained a confidence that I didn't have before. I wasn't broken, flawed, or just stupid - I just processed things differently in a world that was absolutely not designed for us. It's allowed me to step out with a confidence that I hadn't had since I was young...before all the comments beat me down. I don't mean to portray some miraculous new birth or anything - I still have decades of the wrong perspective to undo - but for me personally, that discovery was life-changing for the better.

For example, I now own a small business supporting other ADHDers and I genuinely don't think I would've had the confidence to take that risk before being officially diagnosed. I wouldn't have believed myself to be capable. Instead of accepting (and working with) the fact that my struggles were ADHD-related, I would've given up, thinking it was a personality flaw for not being able to do what I could see others doing all the time. Instead, when I would struggle in the midst of building this business, I would remind myself that my executive functioning didn't work "on demand" like it can for neurotypical brains and to be kind to myself in that moment...that the ability was there, but my brain just wasn't feeling it that particular day. What a relief it is to know that I'm not lacking in ability, I just can't do it the same way others can - I have to forge my own path.

I would love to hear a follow-up - and would love to hear how you're doing!