Confirmed diagnosis

[starsallover]

Having a rough day. I thought I'd be releived when I had the ADHD diagnosis confirmed by a doctor, but that's not the case. I just feel numb for the most part. A few tears as he told me. I've just been sitting around zoning out most of the day. So now I'm a stroke survivor with ADHD, a double whammy as he put it. I know treatment starts here, so that's a good thing. I'm not looking forward to how that's going to go. But maybe things could get better. Whatever happens, I'm down in the dumps today. I hear there's often a greif process that goes along with these sorts of things. Hope the next few days/weeks get better!

[STEM_Dad]

Thanks for sharing about this.

I understand how you might feel grief over your ADHD diagnosis. Many people do, particularly when diagnosed with ADHD well into adulthood. I went through a little grief, but for the most part felt relief that I finally knew the reason why I have had the struggles that I've had throughout life.

It sounds insensitive of your doctor to characterize being a stroke survivor and being recently diagnosed with ADHD as being a "double-whammy".

Suffering from a stroke and the consequences of a stroke are serious, but being a survivor seems like such a good thing. I know that it's a mixed experience...surviving bad things, especially ones that can have lasting or possibly permanent effects on your life, will always cause mixed feelings.

You can choose to adopt the best outlook that you can, but surviving a health scare (even if you fully recover) can certainly remind you of your mortality. (I haven't had a stroke, but a couple of years ago I had pneumonia, and feeling so sick and weak made me realize just how fragile my body can become...made me realize that I won't always be here for my kids.)

The ADHD, however, has always been with you. You now have a label for it.

This also changes your perspective about yourself. But think about this...if you've gotten as far as you have and accomplished what you've accomplished without an ADHD diagnosis and the help that can come with it...then what might you be able to do now that you have your diagnosis?

I may not be the best writer (at least not in my own mind), but I can certainly see how my medication helps me to be more cohesive in my writing. I'm able to say what I mean to say. I wish I were more eloquent, more captivating, because of my aspirations to be a novelist...but I've looked at some of my pre-diagnosis writing, and it was very rambling, disjointed, and harder to follow. In some cases, I read over notes and couldn't figure out what I was trying to say back then. It looked like it was written by someone who was half asleep.

I think it will get better for you. I certainly have best wishes for you in your recovery as a stroke survivor, and for your recovery as a formerly-undiagnosed person with ADHD who now has an actual diagnosis.

It can be hard sometimes. I try not to use my ADHD as an excuse, but I realize that I tell my coworkers more often than I mean to that I have ADHD. (At least one of my coworkers has an ADHD diagnosis as well, while others have admitted that they think they have it but haven't been assessed. At least they can relate.)

But at least I feel like I'm making continual improvements. I hope that the same goes for you.

Even before you reach the Acceptance stage of grief for your ADHD diagnosis and as a stroke survivor, I hope that you can start with Self-Acceptance. I believe it's possible to foster self-acceptance at any time, and that it's helpful to do so.

You certainly are openly accepted here, as a member of this community. 🙂

[starsallover in reply to STEM_Dad]

As always, a sensitive, enlightening reply. Thank you.

I understand what he meant with the "double whammy" comment. I have physical disability, and all these other symptoms that could be caused by ADHD or stroke. or both. So I took no offense and agree. In the end, I'm doing my best facing a lot. At the moment I'm drowning and need help.

[wtfadhd]

i gotta agree with the STEM’s feedback. “ double whammy “ is a negative connotation.

your doctor literally breathed a dark narrative at you at a very very vulnerable time.

adhd has serious positives n just as serious negatives- we all just need encouragement and hope to find our adhd sweet spot. how is that a catastrophic or unusual whammy?

also, i wasnt happy when i got my dx at like 38 or 39yrs old. i was rage full that i had been misdiagnosed all those years by doctors who talked but didnt listen.

i have no expertise in stroke or other medical issues, but i def know alot about adhd, just like most people on this chat, lol.

im sorry u are feeling overwhelmed, there is definitely a grief period for alot of us who eventually got dx with adhd. you are not alone on all the mixed feelings u r experiencing.

you got this❤️

[NatsuBun]

This is something I am going through as well. In the way that everyone describes, I was glad in a way that I had some type of answer to why I struggled with everything and why I am different. At the same time though, ADHD is so many things... and having the diagnosis as your "answer" isn't exactly comforting. It can be a very ambiguous disorder and learning the things that are difficult for you and how to overcome them is a very long and often times confusing journey. When it comes to neurodivergence, it effects everyone so differently so even the advice you *can* find isn't always something that will work for you. I think this is where the frustration and disheartened feelings come from.

I am still trying to find the best mindful approach to get over this myself, and I struggle with this a lot, so I don't think I can offer good advice just yet. But I wanted to communicate that this is something hard felt by a lot of people with ADHD that also have chronic illness or a secondary harsh commorbidity on top of it. (I have chronic illness on top of mine) You have gone through so much, and you know you have additional challenges to go through. You are tired because you want relief, but it doesn't seem easy to attain in the slightest. It is frustrating, and even other people with ADHD won't always understand if they have not had experiences with physical illness challenges as well.

It feels unfair because it is an additional challenge you go through on top of the already many challenges you have faced. But know that you are strong. You will get through this. You've handled tough things, and you can navigate this. It will take time, but it will get better. Take things one day at a time (or as a joke I tell people, I take it one hour or one minute at a time sometimes). Keep track of the unique things that help you and remember they can be very different from others with ADHD especially considering your other challenges. I hope my reply can help, and although there is dark in this diagnosis there is always light to be found and cherished.