Mental health leave?

[skinnimarink]

Hello, I have late-diagnosed ADHD (forties) and my symptoms seem to have skyrocketed the past several months. There are mistakes and omissions from my pre-diagnosis days that are now coming back to haunt me on the job and are unfortunately causing severe repercussions for my fellow colleagues and constituents. However, I am basically a one-person department and am heavily involved in some recent major projects. Ironically that's what triggered my downward spiral in the first place. I feel that I really need to go on leave to deal with these issues, but of course that is basically a non-option due to my aforementioned roles. Has anyone experienced this, or something similar, and if so, what solutions were you able to work out? Note: I am fairly new to this forum - my question may have already been discussed here but my search did not find anything relevant.

[Gettingittogether]

Are you with a small company or a larger one that has an HR Department. If it's a larger company, what does the company's policy say about medical leave?

Just to be clear you: you would be seeking MEDICAL leave, not "mental health leave." Companies don't have specific policies for "mental health leave." But depression, for example, is a medical condition, as medical as diabetes.

Yes, I did go on medical leave basically for depression and stress. But I'm at a bigger institution that didn't blink when I went away. It was extremely easy to apply for. And in fact, I wasn't all that depressed, I was just overwhelmed. But my job allows medical leave for people just to attend to a condition. You don't have to be disabled by the condition in order to qualify and get approval for leave.

The problem with your situation, seems to me, is that when you come back from leave, you're back in the same impossible situation. I'm wondering if there is anyone you can talk to about making the job reasonable and less overwhelming. A short break from an impossible job isn't enough. It's still an impossible job.

Again, check with HR, assuming your company has an HR office.

In order to get leave, I had to get my nurse practitioner (who prescribes my meds) to fill out a form, which she willingly did. She knew I was losing my mind. And I had to certify that I would meet with a health practitioner (my NP) at least 2 times in a year about my condition.

Oh when you check with HR, keep in mind there might be two options. There is Family and Medical Leave (which can be for the employee themselves). And at some jobs (like mine) there is also disability leave.

[skinnimarink in reply to Gettingittogether]

Thanks Gettingittogether . My organization has HR but is medium-sized, no more than possibly 300. I have an ADA accommodations request going through review right now, but hopefully will have good news soon. Hopefully the recommendations, if approved, will make my job more bearable. I am also meeting with my psychiatrist soon to discuss FMLA options, so that is also in the works. And, I had not thought about utilizing short-term disability and will look into that as well. I had hesitated to utilize any of that options because I felt guilty (and embarrassed and ashamed) about possibly distributing chunks of my workload to my teammates when they have their own tasks as well. I have seriously been looking into other job options (would be best for all parties) but that would leave the team high and dry. How did your team handle your workload your absence? Again, many thanks for your advice.

[Gettingittogether in reply to skinnimarink]

I'm a teacher at a big school. They hire part-time people if they are short of teachers. There are a lot of part-time teachers available.

BTW: on the shame, I think this is true. My HR department did not mention any details about my medication condition. None. It's a violation of the Family and Medical Leave Act for HR to say what your condition is. My supervisor just got a note that I was applying for leave. Just so happens that I was Ok with telling him I was just worn out and needed a break. My sister had just had a stroke--I had to do so much work on her behalf, business and bills as well as emptying her apartment and overseeing care. She has no children and no spouse.

One key point: and this is something I've learned about dealing with ADHD. Literally the embarrassment about it makes the condition worse. Why? Because one, we don't take advantage of opportunities, like the medical leave act. Two because we miss other opportunities. Took me years to be OK with shortcuts to my job that helped me get around my ADHD weaknesses.

Once I got past a lot of the embarrassment, I made major changes to my job and my bosses were fine with it. At my school, we use a particular online platform for homework. Well I learned that this platform--which I found complicated and confusing--is highly suggested but NOT required. And I found a different online platform that I found MUCH EASIER to use, hugely easier. And I used it. Shame would have kept me away from this step. There are a bunch of things like that where I noticed that seriously, part of really good ADHD treatment is letting go of the shame of ADHD.

One time I was teaching a special class for a prestigious program, and I KNEW I didn't want to do work past a certain point. So I came up with a plan to keep my workload down. But I was afraid that the head of this program would feel I was shirking when such a reduced workload of assignments. Well I went to meet him and tell him of my plan for lowering my workload. Shock on Shock: he told me to cut my plan in half! I mean I walked into the meeting feeling guilty and bracing for my plan to be rejected and the dude ORDERED me to cut the workload in half! He said otherwise the class would be too hard for students.

Moral of the story: I had apparently made all of my teaching work harder than it needed to be--but I hadn't really investigated this possibility because I was afraid of revealing/exposing my ADHD.

[Netjester]

Wow! You aren't alone and this is a common theme in this forum. I think many of us have experienced what your going through at one time or another. Typically when someone with ADHD reaches that point they look for another job as way to wipe the slate clean and start over. I've had 15 jobs in a little over 30 years. Never been fired from any, but left many of them because I had became overwhelmed. With ADHD, you have this super power to do really well at your job when you hyper focus. However once you take on too much work, that hyperfocus goes away and you feel that everyone is wondering, "what happened to our superstar?" Am I right???? The big problem for us is that we don't know how to say know. Being diagnosed as an adult means that all those times during childhood when you were having ADHD moments, you probably developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. Things like Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, Imposter Syndrome, etc....all are a part of ADHD and show up even more as adults because we didn't know what was happening as children.

I'm here to say that it's going to be okay if you learn to know how to respond when you've reached your limits. I believe you know your limits deep down inside, but are probably afraid to say something because you fear you'll be rejected. This fear ends up creating anxiety and in turn a freeze response by you. What I've learned is that it's okay to set limits. It's okay to ask lots of questions and it's definitely okay to make mistakes. I didn't learn this until about 8 years ago and I'm 57. A very famous high wealth technical individual that I worked with once told me, "It's okay to tell me to F-Off if I am loading too much work on to you. He had stated that he had to learn how to do that too and even though it's difficult for people like us, it ends up helping us be really good and what we are supposed to be good at. I will never forget that and I still tell the guy F-Off whenever I see him. He will say the same to me, but that's for a completely different reason.

So I hate to make these types of suggestions, but this one might work for you. Make a list of what your daily job entails(per job description) and what extra do you do to help others in your department or outside your department. For each item, list if the task/job is a "have to do" or "want to do" or both. Also add to the list a column that prioritizes the task/job. One more column that gives the approximate duration for each task/job.

Add up the durations to see how much time you need to do all the tasks and my guess is it will be way more time than you want to spend at work. Now go back and add the duration up of the top 50% of your prioritized tasks and see how much time that takes. Do the same for "want to do" and "have to do." Slice and dice all of these and figure out which tasks you can dump to get everything you must do into the amount of time you want to spend working. My guess is that what you will find is that some people are taking advantage of your inability to say "No." Those are the first things to dump. It will be okay, they will find someone else to do their dirty work or they will need to do it themselves. I'm here to tell you that it's even okay to tell your boss that you no longer have enough time in the day to take on the extra task unless they remove another one for you.

I know this is very long and probably confusing, but I have ADHD and it's late at night for me. I do know that you can overcome this if you give yourself permission to say no.

Good Luck.

[skinnimarink in reply to Netjester]

Thanks so much Netjester . This is such incredibly helpful information that I will try out.

[Colls47]

hey. I was diagnosed when 47. I’m 49 and all I can say that I was diagnosed at a time when my parents passed away , covid hit, having 4 kids , and a slightly needy wife . Since Diagnosis, I have plummeted down . Depression anxiety fear worry over thinking catastrophic thoughts . It ain’t easy to say the least , but one man band or not , you have to put you first . Have to . Somehow .

[skinnimarink in reply to Colls47]

Hi Colls47 , I am sorry to hear about your parents' passing, especially during such an already difficult time. Thank you for taking the time to provide encouragement with all you have going on. That takes a lot of strength, and compassion. If you ever need an extra dose of encouragement yourself, just give a "holler" (TX euphemism 😋).

[Colls47 in reply to skinnimarink]

No problems at all. It’s a tough ole world as it is without a later in life diagnosis ( I always thought everyone else had a problem lol)

Hate to think of anyone else going through the same crap I am , but know , that work is important , but without the person , the work is nothing . Me being out of work , which I hate loathe and disgusted with myself ( as my father was if you not at work there must be a problem or you are lazy ) I have realised work was just a cover for my struggles of what to do , how to do it , when to do it , where’s the road map . So , you just take time for you , one way or another , or it will eventually stop you in your tracks

[Mommieminem]

Hello so I am new to this site and I noticed email notifications skimmed the subject then normally I would just exit and then get back to the task I originally was doing before cause it’s part of me and if I’m intrigued from this random distraction then I’ll click and read more… sometimes it’s not so easy to express myself in a few sentences and that is a struggle I’m still trying to live with anyways ….

I actually am one of the few who weren’t misdiagnosed asa kids whether it be by default or not I knew I couldn’t keep being treated at school one way and at home as if I’m normal it was too confusing and not what will be the best support system for my younger selfs and that’s when a lot of begging my parent and doctor give me a chance to be myself before you drug me and just throw me In school I only felt good in normal classes with my friends and kids I knew and talked to cause this was not working for me…. as I grew older and became an adult I would never try and let others see me as weak cause my brain sucks but that doesn’t mean I have to live with always feeling bad or not taking chances due to uncomfortable self harm and putting my self it situations that I never thought I’d be able to do or be good at made me a stronger and more confident person when I’d prove my self and be able to be proud of myself it feels great!!! i am positive you have proved yourself more the capable of doing your job and doing it the BEST you can and only when necessary for you should you take moments not too long and go a place with no judgment having over you or best for you… don’t listen to the negative voices… find a way best for your self and just push them aside for moments out of your days cause you can’t let past mistakes come back and cause problems presently cause that will never stop unfortunately adhd is exhausting so you need to find a way for yourself to cope and learn from past mistakes as well as future ones to become the best damn version of yourself

Just try to understand that you won’t be known for any mistakes made but you’ll be recognized for having a great work ethic that’s given because you have adhd i promise lol! I hope I made some sense and didn’t just waste your time I have never responded por gone through with submitting my response and I need to put myself in a uncomfortable situation because I learn more and be better but you can only live with adhd not run from it I’m sorry but it can get better for you…

But also vacation days when having one of those bad just off days if available can give you time to rest when needed I have explained my adhd to my manager over and over but it never seems to make sense enough for her to take seriously so I would try and talk to someone see what they know and if they have actually took time to educate themselves….. you never know but it’s important to express your adhd just in case

[Mamamichl]

I would try to ask your boss that you need less on your plate or another worker because you want to do quality, and can’t when there’s this much. If they scoff or push you away, I would quit. You are not being respected as a worker and it’s affecting your mental healt. Is finding another job possible?

[Attentiondefdiff]

If it is possible talk to the people dealing with the repercussions of your former ADHD mistakes. Let them know you know they are having to deal with something that happens and you are working to overcome this and would have chosen not to have made these problems for them. Let them support you to not do so again. Ask for help to to make sure you are producing the best possible for them and the company. If you can’t take a long break, take a short break leaving it all at the office. Leave the work for a short break to get perspective and rest. When you come back you will be able to tackle it with a fresh mind. It will probably pile up while you are gone but it’s piling up when you can’t work with a clear mind. If you can afford to go somewhere away from home by yourself just to unwind and practice a little self care. It’s so freaking hard when you feel overwhelmed and overworked. I had to not allow myself to take home work on the weekends unless I am on a Monday deadline. I will be leaving my position next month as I have decided the company’s values and mine do not align and the under current makes it impossible for me to function. I was able to get this perspective when Covid forced me to stay home several days.

[STEM_Dad]

This morning, I listened to the "No Stupid Questions" podcast, episode 166, titled: "Are you suffering from burnout?"

The hosts discussed burnout, a research questionnaire for measuring burnout, along with issues like "quiet quitting".

Notably, they that there are two levels of intervention to address burnout: individual, and organizational.

At the individual level, we are each ultimately responsible for our own mental wellness. That includes seeking the help that we need, but that also includes speaking up when the expectations from the organization are too much.

At the organizational level, it doesn't just mean providing healthcare benefits, and leave time (vacation, sick leave, personal leave, sabbatical, etc). The organization also ought to intervene to ensure that expectations of employees are rational and realistic...to help prevent overwork and overwhelm, which lead to burnout.

The expert whose research is referenced in this podcast is professor emerita of psychology, Christina Maslach (creator of the aforementioned questionnaire, the Maslach Burnout Inventory [MBI]). According to one of the hosts of the podcast, Angela Duckworth (herself a professor, best known for her book and TED talk on "Grit"), Maslach believes that "organizational intervention is better than individual intervention."

• I think this is in line that the Hippocratic Oath that doctors take famously begins with, "First, do no harm."

• Or also the adage, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure".

• And there's always the Golden Rule, "Treat people the way you want to be treated."

~~~~~

At every tech job I've had, teams and managers have had the same lament ..."we don't have enough manpower for everything that is being asked of us."

I'm sure this is much the same in every field and almost every organization.