Hi everyone. I’m 34 and I just found out this week that I’ve been living with ADHD since I was a teenager. I found myself reading about adult ADHD and I noticed that every single symptom or marker was something I struggled with for 20 years: smart but can’t get homework done, never have clean laundry, can’t balance a checkbook, anger and anxiety because people can’t read my mind or think things out the way I would.
With this diagnosis my immediate family has realized they all have it as well, and we’ve been learning more about my grandparents and great-grandparents and they seem to have had similar issues and turned to alcoholism to deal with it.
On top of this I lost my only child, a son, in labor at 40 weeks in July 2019. We don’t have a reason why. And it’s normal to feel failure after that kind of loss, but I had already felt like a failure for years because of the undiagnosed ADHD so when my son died I took it as confirmation that I was bad- all of my failures in the past were the reason I couldn’t have my son.
My diagnosis has brought relief but also so much sorrow- mourning the life I had, hurting because of all the horrible things I said to myself over and over again in my head, the way I treated friends and family when I was frustrated and flailing and unable to explain what was happening.
I have a team in place for meds and therapy, which will begin next week. I’m already feeling better, just knowing that this is what it is- that I’m not incapable of putting my clothes away, but my brain just needs to start looking at it differently.
Any tips for an ADHD newcomer?