The Raising of RSDs Ugly Head

So I'm really new here and I've been looking for a support group I can physically attend but none exist where I live. So here I am. Recently ADHD diagnosed (like 2 mo ago) and 61 so I've masked NT my whole life.

This morning I attended a coffee with people I know. To me its an odd group but we're friendly. Our situation is one where we were tossed together and just stayed. Most I enjoy but at times I feel like the odd one out. It's a diverse group but with my recent diagnosis I feel like my ADHD traits get in my way.

This morning I showed up later by 10 min and the table was already full. I'm a regular but no one offered me a chair or a place to sit. Now NT me usually makes myself a spot but today there wasn't a spot, at all. So my RSD kicked in. I found a different seat to think then without saying anything I just left. I was hurt no one even tried to find me a spot or moved to a different spot. I'm guess the hospitality "coordinator" ... but if I don't do it no one else does.

After about 20 min when they noticed I was gone I got 2 texts. Id came home dejected and decided to go for a swim to work off my mood. B4 going swimming I see the 2 texts and just replied to "where are you" ... "Swimming. No seat. Got a call and just left."

The one replied Oh OK.

The other replied with an extra chair pix.

You wouldn't know this but it's a crowded area with 1 very sick lady and 1 103 yo. It was impossible to climb over them. That's where the extra chair was.

My daughter who thinks clearly said I'd done the right thing. But I'm over here all filled with shame becoz I left. Anyone got helpful insights to share. Thanks.

[BlessedLady]

I understand how you felt. But another way of looking at it is your friends were probably distracted talking with each other and did not notice you not having a place to sit. They also probably thought if you had really wanted to be there you would have found a seat and stayed. So the reason(s) you left must have been more important to you that visiting with them. A person not being the focus of attention does not mean they are not welcome and wanted. Give them another chance. When you go back. Put what happened today out if your mind. If you don't, you will probably interpret things that are not accurate.

[Stonesfan in reply to BlessedLady]

I have found 2 things that have helped me with my RSD and negative thought rumination

Once a week Cognative Behaviour Therapy sessions

Microdosing

CBT would be great for you as you could bring an event as described above to your therapist and you could work through it, unpacking it part by part - then you and the therapist could stand back and see what might have been the cause of the upset and work together to stratagise how to not get upset at that type of situation in future.

I suggest you ask at the beginning if you can bring situations from your week to the therapist.

My armchair general guess is potentially like me, you may not have had a lot of care and attention as a child so this might make you sensitive to uncaring situations in adulthood and too easily trigger a deep childhood wound that you carry. You may need to have a do-over and 're-parent' yourself with kindness (look that up?)

[WillyWoodlawn]

Thank you, Hidden. Your experience is similar to ones I have encountered and have done the same. I only found out about my ADHD when I was almost 50. Only this week I discovered RSD, which as I read about it, it was like finding a diary someone unbeknownst to me wrote about me! Or like Roberta Flack’s song - it’s killing me softly.

I just face many many times I end up with a suicidal ideation which is why I am now motivated to end this cycle or mitigate it.