Application of tools and skills is hard

[mobius171]

Is there a reason I find it difficult and near impossible to apply what ive learned in therapy. Action shows growth, however when it comes time to apply the things I've learned, my brain just shuts off and gets stupid on me. Anyone have thoughts, suggestions, guidance?

[MTA-]

Starr meditating. And repeat to yourself what it is you need to learn/do, as a mantra.

[BlessedLady]

It is something you need to teach yourself to do. At first it will be difficult. The more you do it the easier it becomes.

[Noznoze]

Well, welcome to the ever widening circle of supposed "oldsters" that have to deal with this life-long, multi faceted ass kicking hydra. For the last15 years, at 55 rears of age I've officially known about it, and obviously prior to that, I've been dealing with all the same symptomology as you describe.

The price to have payed for having the condition diagnosed as late as I have, has been psychically, socially and financially has been enormous. If you have someone you particularly despise, because of some reasonable unsavory act, or acts towards you, one would wish it on them for being the immoral ne'er do well putz they show themselves to be. Sorry for the digression, it's all part of the "lateral drift" we all here deal with.

Unfortunately, at times there ain't enough will power to force yourself out of the all encompassing and debilitating "brain fart" that ails ya at the moment. Being aware of the difficulty and then coming up with some sort of coping mechanism to get thru the difficulty would help, but even if that's insufficient, acceptance of the situation with a commitment to develop a long term strategy is about all one can reasonably do. Marry that to the idea of not beating yourself up because you have a brain that, incomparison to tons of those supposedly "normals", i.e. neuro-typicals that might to some, make you look "stupid".

All the energy and time that goes into the "work arounds" are PITA's, but necessary if you gonna effectively deal with all the psychic BS that'll eventually come your way in life's daily course of events. And, if that ain't enough, get to somebody that you could vent to when the burden gets too heavy to bear.

My question is how in the hell have you gotten as far as you have in whatever your chosen field of endeavor is dealing with all the unavoidable roadblocks you get from the unwanted and undeserved chaos that develops from the malfunctioning gray matter.

[LateBlumer in reply to Noznoze]

This opened my eyes. Give it a look. m.youtube.com/watch?v=lYD0Q...(Not working as expected?)

[ZimmyB]

I could have posted the exact same thing word for word. 6 years of different therapists and nothing different 😵‍💫

[LateBlumer in reply to ZimmyB]

Watch this. It helped me m.youtube.com/watch?v=lYD0Q...(Not working as expected?)

[wtfadhd]

example: a person can know perfect running form, how to eat in the months before a marathon, know the steps to train for it, etc etc etc. however, if that person doesnt have legs- they arent running the race. even though they have so much solid knowledge and skill in their brain.

that person can get prosthetics and run. but without legs or prosthetics - they just aren't running.

This is why many experts on ADHD recommend we first get on meds so that our brains are physiologically capable of learning and executing the skills. your brain can hold all kinds of knowledge( in one area of the brain). but without the chemicals in the other part of the brain and the chemicals being distributed then there will always be a disconnect.

when u have the chemicals AND you have the knowledge n skills n motivation then you will see that change.

the good news is that once you use that knowledge n skills in real life situations and you experience positive results.. then your brain remembers that and some people wont need the meds or the therapy or skill training all the time. repetition ( rather good or bad). will cause change in brain.

its not a lack of trying or motivation. motivation doesnt come fully from grit. that would make it easy!!! motivation n action can only happen when your brain has the right chemicals too.

[LateBlumer]

I found this MOST helpful. Give it a loook. m.youtube.com/watch?v=lYD0Q...(Not working as expected?)

[CatMoose]

So I am working on getting into therapy, I've only had one-time sessions so far with therapists who I wouldn't say meet my needs, and all the millions of hacks I've found on the internet (as well as my mom, best friend, my supervisor, everyone else who knows how ADHD management during the pandemic has been hell for me). Lately, I've been reflecting that all these "great ideas" people give me that I can't apply are being given to me by neurotypical people and as far as I know also developed by neurotypical people. This has led me to target my long-term therapist search on trying to find a provider with ADHD. Or at the very least someone who knows what I'm talking about here. If one more person tells me to block off time on my calendar to focus on a project or to use a planner, I'm gonna lose my mind.

[wtfadhd in reply to CatMoose]

omg Catmoose that is sooo true. skills developed by neuro typical people in hopes of “ skilling us” to be neurotypical.

good luck on that!

and yes- use a sticky note, get a planner, plan your day in advance, set a reminder on your phone…. omfg!😂.

i recently read an article about how ADHD therapy has failed ADHD folks bc the whole goal of that therapy is to teach us how to be neurotypical vs how to accept ourselves, n create a world that tailors to our ADHD in a fair way in which we also gotta bend a bit to annoying neuro typical stuff too. very cool article- id send it but i forgot to save it. 😂

[CatMoose in reply to wtfadhd]

Sounds super interesting!! It makes me think of how I used to answer the typical "what's your greatest weakness" question in job interviews. I'd usually summarize the big parts of my ADHD that get in my way, and then I'd launch into all of the ways that I've figured out to manage it... Without for a second considering what a workplace should be doing to support me in that, or what I could be asking of them to help me succeed. As I've gotten more established in my career, I'm a lot more aware of all the strengths that I have - some of which stem directly from my ADHD - and I've been better at thinking of it as more of a give and take.

There are times I go through a rabbit hole of thinking about if I even should be controlling my ADHD or if I'm stifling something that could be thriving in some more supportive world. It often feels like the exact qualities that make people go gravitate towards me in my personal life are the flip side of the ones I'm trying to get rid of professionally.

[wtfadhd in reply to CatMoose]

same- everything you said.finding that balance and consistently keeping it ….. struggle bus.

[wtfadhd in reply to wtfadhd]

maybe there is a “ skill” we can learn that keeps us in that sweet spot of balance that can seem constantly fleeting… lol lol. Happy Friday