Young but Struggling

[Cavemeat]

Hello everybody, I am 19, female, and desperately looking for a community to ask for advice and like, relate to. It's honestly a shame that Adhd doesn't seem to have as much of a coherent young community as autism, so I though that the best thing would be to find a forum like this one.

But off-topic spiel aside, I wanted to ask if any of you know any tips for managing ADHD while in college and growing up. Specifically (because I know that's super vague):

- how did you guys manage executive dysfunction not allowing you to work on big projects? (if it was a problem)

- if you have rsd (rejection sensitivity), how to do manage criticism from an authority figure, and cope with the fallout (if there is)

- any advice for a young dumdum who panics over not being accepted into adult spaces because of being visibly different?

If this posts seems obnoxious or repetitive, I'm very sorry

[Hidden]

It’s hard for us “adultier adults” to find a community too! Good for you for reaching out!

I have LOTS of issues with executive dysfunction, getting overwhelmed by the thought of completing the task and wanting to do nothing but hide under the covers. Strangely, I don’t have this problem if it’s a work/school task, or if it’s something I’m doing for someone else, just things I’m doing for myself.

RSD...lort. You have to remember that criticism is actually a GOOD thing, as long as it’s constructive. You’re 19, figuring out life/work/school...you’re going to make mistakes, that’s the only way you can learn. It’s really hard to accept from someone you respect, and you probably want to have a panic attack every time someone says “I need to talk to you” but like I said, remind yourself that the criticism is guidance and it’s going to make you better at what you do in the long run. Now if it’s disrespectful, you need to discuss that with the authority figure no matter how stressful the idea of having that conversation may be. If you continue to allow that, you’re going to end up being even more sensitive to criticism.

The being accepted into adult spaces...GIRL. Don’t grow up. IT’S A TRAP. Seriously though, don’t stress it. Show confidence to those around you even if you don’t feel it, and no one will know the difference.

[DefinitionReclaimed]

Hi Cavemeat . It feels a bit weird to be the first to welcome you to a forum that I'm pretty new to myself, but here we are. 🙂 (Edit: Looks like I'm actually the second after posting this reply.)

Regarding executive dysfunction and big projects, I have found that one of the keys to success with ADHD is to work on what interests you as much as possible. You may have heard that old saying: "Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." It's admittedly a bit misleading in that even if you manage to make a career out of doing what you love, you're almost certainly not going to enjoy every moment of every required task you need to complete. That said, you can still try to tilt the ratio of interesting versus boring tasks in your favor by making choices aligned with your interests whenever possible. This applies to your major, your courses, what topic you choose to write on for an assignment, and so on. This also applies to what jobs you take afterwards (at least, to the extent you have a say in he matter, and don't just have to take whatever is available to pay the bills). The point is to bring your ability to hyperfocus into alignment with the things that need to be done as much as possible, and minimize the need for strategies to push through boring slogs as much as possible. Try to work with your ADHD brain, not against it.

Are you on an ADHD medication? Look into it if you aren't, because the difference between being on the right medication versus being unmedicated is like night and day. You'll likely be amazed at how well it cuts through the fog and chaos in your brain, and gives you a fighting chance to complete might otherwise seem like intolerably-boring tasks.

You should also consider seeing a therapist if you aren't already. Based on how you called yourself a "dumdum" and preemptively apologized for your post being "obnoxious or repetitive," it sounds to me like your self-esteem has taken a beating during your 19 years on earth. That's pretty common for people with ADHD. (I shared a few statistics about this in my reply to What_83's post, entitled "Long time": healthunlocked.com/adult-ad... ) Please don't let the negative, uninformed judgements of those around define how you see yourself! This is easier said than done, of course, but it's worth putting in the effort to undo what's been done to you, and starting the process ASAP. Here's a short article by Dr. Edward Hallowell that may resonate with you:

additudemag.com/slideshows/...

[Hidden]

These are all relatable. I’m 18, but I will be 19 on May 21. I’m in college and I deal with executive dysfunction by having to do lists, watching how to ADHD and ADHD is the new black, they’re both YouTube channels that are very helpful. And sometimes I just procrastinate and I have to deal with that, but having to do lists, setting alarms, and also being gentle with myself. I still beat myself up a lot, but usually once I’m gentler to myself, I’m better. I also write a lot. Writing helps me let it out. I am very sensitive and I’ve struggled with taking criticism, luckily I have parents who are willing to listen to me, so we work it out. But I’ve learned to just be aware of my feelings. I hope this helps. Best of luck.😊😊

[BTV65]

I think Hidden nailed it with their advice. I'll add one more bit about projects. Small bites. Break it up into many small tasks. Each one can be focused on and accomplished without worrying about the overwhelming scope of the whole thing.

As for being accepted into groups. Not my strong suit. I tend to be a bit of a wallflower. Looking, listening, watching how everyone treats each other. Learning the rules of etiquette for the group. Then just taking baby steps about what I say and to whom. Don't feel pushed into speaking, before you feel you have something worthwhile to add. It takes time. Don't rush it.