ADHD and Self-Growth

[2000sunflowers]

Any advice on how to go about learning about my own ADHD brain and behavior?I’ve been wanting to better understand myself but don’t know where to begin, because my brain is such a scattered mess. I feel like one day something works for me and the next day it doesn’t, very unpredictable with me sometimes. Sometimes it even feels like my brain is just a petulant child that refuses to do anything I want it to do...

Also, how do you actively work on personal growth and improvement? How about as a couple? Some changes seem impossible for me to make happen, because they feel like they are just part of who I am now. I want to get better, but it’s hard to stay consistent about working towards progress. How can I remember to make progress every day? How can my boyfriend and I consistently make progress?

I have a bullet journal that I’ve started using, but I haven’t been consistent with that either. I hyperfocused for so long and got so excited because I had all these plans to learn about my ADHD and learn what works/doesn’t work for me, and brainstorm ideas to help with some of my issues. I really want this but it’s so hard to get myself to do anything.

[Birdwatcher19]

The good news is there’s a wealth of great information out there for us. I would start with reading “Delivered from Distraction” by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey (“Driven to Distraction” is their first book and also good, but I like “Delivered” since the info is a bit more current) and “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder” by Sari Solden. You can also check out ADDitude magazine online. It’s chock full of articles that mix practical how-tos with personal anecdotes that help validate your experience. I love their ADDitude Experts podcast series; I learned a ton listening to them while commuting to work (back when I actually left my house to go to work). The How to ADHD YouTube channel is also great. There are certainly many more resources out there, but these are my go-tos and a good place to start. It’s a process, so be patient with yourself! Work on one thing at a time. Also, you do need to be realistic about the things you can change and the things you can’t. Focus on the things you can control (e.g., you can change your thinking patterns and behavior, but you can’t change how others react and behave). Change is incremental and slow, and it’s easy to become impatient. Consistency is the hardest thing. I think we all struggle with that, as it’s easy to jump in at the beginning when it’s exciting and new, and then we lose interest (I, too, spent hours setting up a bullet journal only to abandon it after a week). Doing a little bit each day doesn’t come naturally to us, but that’s how new habits are formed. Having an accountability partner can really help with this. It could be your boyfriend, or another friend. You could pick a time to work on things each day and set a recurring reminder on your phone. For me, working with an ADHD coach was very helpful. Anyway, hope this helps a little. Good luck, and keep plugging away. Having the awareness and motivation to change is half the battle, so you are well on your way!

[2000sunflowers in reply to Birdwatcher19]

Thanks so much for those recommendations! The mountain of things I want to improve on looks EXTREMELY intimidating from where I’m standing, but I’m sure if I just try my best and focus on one thing at a time, I’ll get to the top before I know it. I’ve been really wanting to get an ADHD coach but I don’t know where to start in finding one. And I’m worried that I’m too busy with school to add another commitment. I’ve researched sooo many strategies to keep ADHD brains in check (like accountability buddies, giving myself rewards if I succeed, setting timers, etc). It seems like every time I try to put these strategies in action, my brain refuses to cooperate. When I tried an accountability buddy, I was skeptical it would work for me. It didn’t end up working because I know my friends and bf can’t actually punish me. Even if they did somehow try, going through with the school task is the worst, because I have to deal with the stress of falling behind and eventually failing. I’m thinking that as long as my responsibilities are school-related, my brain is always gonna resist because of all the pain school has caused me in the past 2 years. Wow, I definitely rambled, maybe I should actually try to pick up my bullet journal sometime LOL 😂😂

[Birdwatcher19 in reply to 2000sunflowers]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. There are always things we can improve upon (that goes for everyone, ADHD or not), so I would try to think about what change that you could make would be the most impactful in terms of making your life easier/better, and maybe start there. One small step at a time. Often changing one thing has a ripple effect and makes other things better, anyway. Self-improvement is a lifelong process! I hear what you’re saying about using friends as accountability buddies. I used my coach for that (I’m a people-pleaser, plus tell me I can’t do something and I’ll be hell-bent on proving you wrong, which works well for internal motivation!). But yes, if there are no actual consequences, it’s probably not going to work for long. As for finding a coach, maybe you could check with the counseling center at your school? They may have some ideas. Another thought would be to listen to some ADHD podcasts. Coaches are often guests, so you can listen and get a sense of their style that way, and the populations they specialize in (some work with older women, some with young children, some with young adults, etc.). Most work remotely, so location is a nonissue. If you Google “ADHD coach college students” you will find some; check out their websites and see what you think. Most offer a free intro call, so you can talk to them and see if it would be a good fit. Nothing to lose there. It is a commitment, and you do need to be willing to invest some time, but maybe that investment will end up saving you time in the long run.