Help overcoming kitchen anxiety

[TrentThomas17]

32, male, married for 9.5 years. Diagnosed with ADHD 7ish years ago (but I just thought that meant I have a hard time focusing and that adderall fixed it). For five months I’ve been trying to save my marriage and for two months we’ve known the root of the problem is my ADHD + anxiety (GAD).

ANYWAY, I don’t want my anxiety and the negative thinking patterns of ADHD to control me anymore. I want to help my wife with meal prep, building grocery lists, and cooking. But it’s all so overwhelming and I’m not sure where to begin. I know I should start small/easy but I’m not sure what even that means.

Are there websites or apps that could help a person like me begin to tackle this hurdle?

[MoonlightForest]

Aaww...that’s so sweet of you. I’d say, sit down calmly and ask her what would she like you to contribute with in the kitchen. Make a list together and ask her how to, since you don’t know where to begin.

Sometimes husbands help is not quite what wives expect and it can go opposite ways. My husband has tried this but failed. And I was not diagnosed at the time, so you can imagine how it went....

This is an opportunity for you to show her that you care and you’re trying. She may be able to give you ideas on what meals you can start with. YouTube has tons of recipes! The secret is: gather your ingredients first!!

Steps:

1) choose the dishes for the days you plan to cook

2) get the ingredients you need for those dishes - you can place them altogether in plastic bins in the fridge with a copy of the recipe.

3) set alarms to remind you when to thaw meat (this sometimes can be overnight or a few hours before cooking. Depending on recipe instructions)

4) make sure you have a clean counter with room to work with and arrange whether you will be cleaning up after or have one of your kids help you.

5) this can also be a great time for family to work together and chit chat.

Good luck! You’re doing awesome with your first steps!

[Inarticulate in reply to MoonlightForest]

This is great advice MoonlightForest . TrentThomas17, follow this advice in the order given to you and don’t question it. It will help break the overwhelm without assumptions about what is helpful to your wife.

[Credit]

Same exact thing for me. It's gotten worse because after a few failures (hyper salty soup, burnt food etc) she didn't want me to do anything so I lost the little experience or ability to practice. More recently when I started my medicine, I restarted VERY small steps: preparing fish, grilling it. Even that I missed some things, like forgetting to put oil on the fish or whatever, so she was doing it with me, and after a few times I can now do it perfectly, and ready to move on to the next step! I'm cutting vegetables, etc, and making an effort to pay attention to exactly how she does the rest... long story short, I'd say start with just ONE dish, the easiest possible, and master it progressively until you gain confidence and add more steps (how to select the right fish, planning to buy it etc)