Thoughts

I’m walking, thinking, “solving”

Now I start to think about my therapists homework over this weekend. Dive deeper to the question of, “what is ‘being myself’”?

It’s such an interesting question. Not because I’m interesting, I mean, in my opinion I am lol but that’s a different conversation than the point Of this post.

It’s no question. The differences from being in active addiction and in recovery are, kiss ass, huge! I act all surprised despite my longest period of sobriety of over a year, and some attempts here and there. With now, being my “second” longest period. For stimulants lol.

But back to the question, of who am I?

I am the dude that questions himself, others, events, randomness, anything that strikes my interest at that moment.

I used to think, if I answer who I’m not, I’d have my answer to who I am. Lol

I step back (mentally) and analyze what I just typed. It makes just about no sense. No sense because, there are so many things to experience. That. Going with the thought of “that’s me” is waaaaaaay more exciting and motivating than saying that’s not me... first comes you, then comes not you.

How else can you say it’s not you if you haven’t even “you’d” whatever experience or opportunity that’s in front of you.

I’m so new to this concept of self, a being. god knows why. It used to bug me. Where now, I’ve come to my understanding that, that itself is the point of self. Lol. Stay fresh. Because there are more opportunities for you and everyone than you can imagine.

People who tell you or talk to you like they know you. Are straight out liars. I used to be one of them. To not understand the unique nature of a human is to know it all. To know it all, is to be god. To understand the unique nature of a human is too not know. *brain overload eee err beep boop 🤖 * lol I’m being silly 🙃

Even god (in my understanding) is wrong. God is just as right though. Balance. Is gods job. I feel that’s out of bounds to say but hey. Me understands that. And me wants to share that.

That’s being myself🤓

[Tulip97]

"To know it all, is to be god."

"Even god (in my understanding) is wrong. God is just as right though."

I'm not sure what you're saying. Your statements are contradicting. Your overall message implies you have many thoughts, but have not come to a conclusion.

My thoughts...

Self. There are many versions. The most popular one is the version who appears before others. Next, who we are in solitude distracted. Then, who we are in solitude fully in our heads trying to maneuver through a confetti of thoughts.

The 2 selves I'm most interested in?

1. Remove yourself from society, from safety, from comfort. Put yourself in a state of threat, disappointment, stress, pain, struggle... who are you?

2. Even more interesting: put yourself in the same state aforementioned...but this time.. hold on to control and peace. Now tell me, who are you?

The latter self is my ideal... not to get rid of the chaos and ease of distraction.... but defeat it in a daily beautiful battle. I welcome chaos, but with a dream to control it, then turn it into my peace. This is my daily goal. I'm hopeful with the proper treatment I find one day, I will reach this goal more often than I do (which currently is not enough).

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I am the person who’s post you read