toxic people

[kirmenmir]

how do i get rid of the habit of getting into relationships (friendships) with toxic and selfish people?

[SeaOwl]

The minute you notice toxic behavior cut yourself out of the relationship.

I found myself having the problem you are dealing with as well. It’s tricky habit to get out of because toxic/selfish people almost seek us out 😔

The first step is realizing the pattern. Now you need to be vigilant in your new relationships. The minute you see toxic behavior nip it in the bud.

[SciFiGuy]

hi Kirmenmir,

it's a tough question. Unfortunately we live in a toxic society. The toxicity of our society seeps into our core. Most people have learned toxic behaviors their whole life. So the challenge is seperating people who can improve and are self aware and those who aren't willing to do work on themselves. There is also the difficulty of seperating toxicity from other issues like anxiety or depression.

Definitely seek to protect yourself first. And another thing is... this is advice that often upsets people, but seek out people with similar beliefs. That might not help you grow as a person on the whole, but it will help avoid conflicts. Conflicts often lead to the most toxic behaviors.

Full disclosure I'm a communist. I'm friends with some conservatives - but I truly can't be friends with most of them because our values are so different. I feel most conservatives are toxic - and to me, they are. Our society has taught opposition to communism and its more dramatic in conservatives. That's okay - it doesn't make conservatives inherently toxic, but to protect my own emotional wellbeing, I'm selective about the ones I associate with.

It's just an example, and certainly not a cure all. Once you feel you have a network of people who are not toxic, who are aligned with your values, then I do encourage you to branch out and explore diverse ideas that challenge you.

[wtfadhd in reply to SciFiGuy]

Hey scifiguy, i belief your response to her post was a classic ADHD symptom. She asked how to avoid toxic people in general and u responded by blurting out your political views, and even allowed yourself to get on a soapbox about your feelings towards conservatives!!! I also have ADHD and so i find it humorous, because i happen to do this same toxic thing if i dont check myself All The Time!!!

I have never noticed that ADHD necessarily attracts toxicity. I feel like us ADHD’ers kinda roll in our own world. I think that people who have not developed confidence, boundaries, purpose, etc sometimes attract toxic, narcissistic people. I also think that toxic people can initially present as interesting And so us ADHD’ers can get drawn into, sometimes chase after toxic people, lol- kind of like “ that is a terrible idea... what time?”

Also, if u are stuck in that guilt, failure, repeat stage of ADHD where we all have been and sometimes go, that is an open invitation for toxicity.

Work on yourself, take accountability for the fact that you accepted toxicity in relationships in first place, rid yourself of them, weed them out, n be more mindful. I believe our best life lessons come from recognizing our own patterns n course correcting vs trying to figure out “ why” things happen. Good luck!!!

[DavidTFH]

Good question. Dont know if I have a real answer but I believe that we find toxic people so appealing at first. For example, for a romantic relationships they are seem so freaking hot and even in bed they are. In my personal experience this is because being toxic myself and loosing awareness a about, I find attractive the same traits I have in me.

For friendships (and work relationships), it seems I naturally find myself compelled to engage with someone toxic, due to the exact same reason detailed above.

I too believe that being conscious about it and working to change my own behaviors is helping me make better choices. Even if I find myself being friends with someone toxic, as soon as Im aware I can change that. I think we dont want to take this decisiones because I can be afraid of not having any friends at all because of low self steem.

[jonghee]

You sound like someone who is more on the empathetic side. Unfortunately, toxic people love to hover and leech of off those of us who are genuine because those are the emotions and feelings in their life that they are missing and crave, yet are too selfish/unwilling to feel or change themselves. For some reason I tend to attract women who are unhappy in their relationships, for example. It gets frustrating when they hide it at first and it becomes obvious the reason they won't go on a date, yet want to continue to keep your attention. You'll eventually hone in on the toxicity factor and detect it instinctively. Good luck and stay safe!