Who am i

[Reashine]

Hi my name is Bethany I'm 37-year-old woman who struggles. Grew up went seemed to be in a good home at least I thought it was now I have no idea who I am what's wrong with me and just realized that I don't know that there's anything wrong with me was trying to understand what was done wrong to me then now I just don't understand any of it my child at heart mentally confused so fed up with it disgusting in this world it just seems to be okay for everybody else I was prescribed Ritalin when I was sick was on it for quite a few years then my sister experimented with drugs on me and it is an adult started taking Adderall it seemed to be working I seem to be getting myself back together and then all of a sudden I needed to up my dose but guess I didn't do it in a proper way and I got sent to a psychologist who then took me off Adderall and experimented with more drugs on me that didn't work I gave up I fought for 6 to 8 months lost my daughter due to my mental anxiety and lack of prescription medication I ended up using street drugs and ultimately lost my son now I fight to get put back on medication nobody wants to give me medication cuz I'm a drug addict and a drug abuser and I'm like how can I just not want to give up I want to give up so bad but my higher power spirits my spirituality doesn't let me give up sometimes I understand don't understand why why does somebody have to go through so much pain just to be a good person because the world isn't designed for us to be good people the world is designed for hate and sin and I just call it the dark the darkness and I started talking I'm like if we're going to think you're weird and probably put you in a nut House laugh it off that is me in a nutshell traumatic chaos is my middle name and it started a podcast on Spotify called no adulting skills and I am a girl that still thinks she can change the world I just don't know if I can do it with my belief system my higher power like cuz I don't understand that either completely I just know I have it to believe in something bigger than myself because I've seen moments where bad things were going to happen to me and somebody stepped in like a physical human being stepped in but yeah so thanks for having me if you still want me around that's awesome if not it's okay I kind of do bring a doom and gloom energy but it doesn't help when people feed it as well so spread love and positivity discip

[Mamamichl]

have you tried asking for non- restricted medications (non stimulants)? Maybe taking those could help and also show docs you are willing to prove you are ready. I know my partner has to do urine tests regularly to make sure he is not taking his stimulants addictive. He also gets bloodwork and blood pressure regularly too.