Who is like me ? ADHD mom and son

[Um-modi]

Hello everyone.. I am a mother of a 9-year-old boy. Since they diagnosed him with ADHD.. I discovered that I have ADHD as well.. His symptoms were my symptoms.. and the problems he faces are what I face until now.. I felt... With sadness and joy at the same time because I knew the cause of what I had been suffering for a long time.. Who is like me?

[Kleighel]

Hi, my son is 10 ADHD. I am beginning to feel the same. I'm not diagnosed just get the feeling of similar characteristics.

[ZZamiga]

Hi, I feel some of the same things. I was not surprised my son has ADHD because I know my dad had it, and everyone in our family who knew my dad as a kid has said that my son acts the same way. Also, my uncle and some of my cousins have it. But for some reason I never thought of me as having it. But, once I started to learn more about it, I realized I've developed strategies to cope with a lot of the issues that people with ADHD face. For example, I'm addicted to lists. I make a daily list of tasks I have to do, and this includes for my job as well as simple things like a reminder to go to the grocery store or a time I need to leave to get somewhere. I also have a bigger to-do list of ongoing projects or more time-consuming tasks, both for my personal life and work. I read a book about kids with ADHD recently and it included quotes from kids with it. One kid said something like, an idea comes into my head and it vanishes almost immediately if I don't say it aloud. That resonated with me because my son talks nonstop and it helped me understand that he felt he needed to say something so he wouldn't forget it. But, it's also me because I have to write everything down. I'm a teacher and students constantly tell me important things, like when they'll miss class or need to submit something late, and I have to write it down. If I don't, later they will say, "remember when I told you?" I feel that slipping away of thoughts if I don't write it down or say it. Like when I go to the grocery store, I have to constantly consult my shopping list because from the beginning of an aisle to the end, I will forget what I needed in that aisle. The other issue I have is impulsivity when someone makes me mad. Something my dad always struggled with was getting upset with strangers in various public places. He always had to start an argument if someone did something slightly rude. My son struggles with these emotional outbursts, too. And I've gotten better at this, but I still sometimes do it, too. I think it's important to recognize these things and how they are passed down in the family. My dad faced a lot of problems in life and died at a somewhat young age, which I can indirectly connect to depression. I've read that people with ADHD do have a higher chance of dying younger. My dad never got recognized as having ADHD so he never got help for his problems. Now that I see those things in myself and my son, I feel that it's even more important to learn a lot and to get the proper help.

[Spark16 in reply to ZZamiga]

Oh my goodness....your description of your lists and your memory are EXACTLY how I function as an adult. I am a teacher as well, so literally the same situations and feelings regarding remembering things and organization. And like you I did not realize it was a coping strategy until my son was diagnosed and I started reading up on it. I am floored at how similar your story is to mine. It makes me feel less crazy. Right now I have 5 lists going, some things are on more than one list, some things will get checked off faster than others, but it's the feeling of accomplishment when I cross something off that keeps me sane most days and prevents me from feeling like I've done nothing productive all day. Thank you for sharing this. It has really made my day. It's like I got to check off that I am not crazy today. 😁

[ZZamiga in reply to Spark16]

Thank you so much for responding! I felt a little hesitation to share all that...haha...but now I'm so glad I did. I'm also so glad it's not just me! I definitely know what you mean about feeling accomplished when you check something off. Maybe that's the type of immediate reinforcement that makes this strategy so useful for our brains. I've been trying to help my son learn how to write things down, too, and he seems to like that as a useful strategy.

[Spark16 in reply to ZZamiga]

I find that making lists for my son prevents him from getting overwhelmed. Even bed time routine is a list on his bedroom door. Things we are doing that day, chores to do before tv, even long term lists, like checking off how many times he does his homework without complaining. I'm kind of a list junkie at this point. Lol

[ZZamiga in reply to Spark16]

Good ideas! We've been doing lists for things like getting ready for school in the morning, but I like your ideas to expand on that for other areas, especially doing something like homework without complaining! Thanks for sharing!

[Um-modi in reply to ZZamiga]

Your story inspired me .. i read it more than one .. I was wondering how i can save both of us.. and no one mentions to make list of memories!! Because I'm struggling in this area.. and I'm glad you benefited from the experiences around you...in my story i was the first generation who having ADHD .. always my abilities and actions were doubted and described as crazy and irresponsible due to forgetting a lot. I have felt frustrated because I haven't found help to understand my condition, and over time, I have come to believe that I have a problem and don't know where to start. Now, I don't want my son to face the same issue. I say this to explain the value of your information." ..Thank you for sharing your story..and if you can share your list technics would be lovely

[ZZamiga in reply to Um-modi]

I'm so sorry you were described as crazy and irresponsible! I totally get it that you don't want your son to have the same issues. The teacher my son had this past year made him feel like that a lot, and made me feel like it was all my fault. Even my son said he thought the teacher blamed me. I've been reading Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley (someone else on here recommended it), and in it, Barkley talks about just this-- how kids with ADHD are often seen as lazy and parents have to put up with teacher complaints. Reading it has been so helpful to remind me I'm not the one to blame! Although a lot of people in my family have ADHD, my dad was the most severe. My grandma used to get really angry with him and lose her patience a lot, even as an adult! But she also always said that no one knew him the way she did. Now I really get that -- the rest of the world might see my son as a problem, but I know how sweet and kind he is and how much he's struggling. As far as the lists, a big one I have is for getting out the door in the morning. I tried to boil it down to the simplest 3 things. I have a list on the wall near shoes/backpacks. The top of it has an emoji with a zipped mouth to remind my son to stop talking and focus on getting out the door on time. Then, it's 1. shoes 2. jacket/hat 3. supplies. He has to think about what supplies he needs depending on where he's going. Another one thats been helpful is for homework. He was getting homework on Mondays that was due Fridays. So, we broke it down each Monday into a list of smaller tasks to do throughout the week. That seemed to work well, and he also liked that one-on-one time on Mondays to discuss the work and plan out how to break it down.

[Mamamichl]

we are the same. My daughter was diagnosed 2 years ago at 10, and I was shortly after. I’m glad now I know why I have so many career issues, and glad I can get an ada.

[Dibo1290]

My son is 7 and was diagnosed at age 5. His father was diagnosed as a 5 year old as well, though his adhd symptoms were mostly hyper activity and boredom at repetitive tasks. As a mom who felt so completely overwhelmed, I’ve read and learned so much. Through this, though not diagnosed, I began to feel as though I understood myself and why I am the way I am - especially things I have struggled with my whole life- and it looks like I also have adhd or add. Mine and my sons is more alike- the disorganization, starting/finishing tasks, staying on task, concept of time, emotionally driven, etc.

It has been helpful in connecting and understand my son compared to my husband who, because his type differed so much, has a hard time with his behavioral and emotional symptoms.

[ntorre64]

Welcome to my boat!!!

I'm 38 y/o mom with ADHD and a son with ADHD. It is hard to navigate in this water without help.

I started learning this with a Psychologist in Mexico diagnosed my kid with ADHD. Then he was diagnosed for second time with his pediatrician in the USA.

His trigger was after I got separated. He was very aggressive, and then he started feeling nobody understand him. After a long talk I noted he loose his attention. Until I asked him what do he wanted? He asked me for help. We started with a psychiatrist and he started guessing and changing treatment. I wasn't happy until I decided stop medication. Why? because his dad was not agree with the medication, he was not giving him the meds the way he supposed. I started reading and the worse thing we can do as a parent is not be consistent with medication. As a side effect they can get schizophrenia acquired and that is worse than the other one. So I say nop. I don't care if the teachers are struggling because he can not remain still.

The fist thing the therapist told me to start is to be consistent with routine. Small instructions, go make your bed. Go brush your teeth. Go wash your hands.

Sports: they need a sport that avoids direct contact. Art, swimming, or any other they can burn energy, any music class. Nothing of team work.

Therapy. once a week.

Diet avoid red dyes, sugars, fats. Increase magnesium at night, omega 3 and zinc.

Mediation is not the only one option.

I never had one of these resources. Actually after my study with therapist, doctors, psychologist, plus I'm doing a thesis on ADHD I learned a lot, and I diagnosed myself.

Yes I struggled a lot at school. But I never fell. I'm a nurse. If I could do it your son can do it too.

[Crescentmoon4]

I’m beginning to feel we all have adhd. Us older folk just learned how to deal with it a different way and almost “easier” in some ways as we didn’t have technology like the kids do now that has made their brains even more of a scramble. I have a 12 year old with adhd and probably my 16 year old too! Honestly the amount of people I know who have it these days…… so so many. It’s quite the thing!!