First, thanks to everyone for sharing. I am new to the idea that my child has a neurological disability and isn't just a crazy kid. So, now that I know I really want to give him all the support and help he needs to be successful. My son is 8 years old and was just diagnosed in November. I wasn't really concerned about school at the time because he is a smart kid and does fine academically. I had him tested more so I could find ways to handle him at home.
But more recently he has been coming home from school saying that he has no friends and noone will play with him. We live in a very small town and if he is not getting along with one kid in his class he might as well not get along with any of them. Seriously... He has 10 kids in his class, 22 in his whole grade! Anyway, a couple of specific incidences has gotten me very worried about his social skills and relationships.
So all that to ask, what have people found to be helpful when ADHD is affecting their kid's relationships and hindering their social skills? Are there any accommodations or programs that people have found to be helpful in teaching their kids how to interact appropriately with other children? I know kids with ADHD function a couple years behind typical kids socially, so how have you bridged that gap to help you child foster meaningful relationships?
TIA
Be well!
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Spark16
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You may find ADHDdude useful on this subject. Socialising is an issue for our kids so many of the parenting courses also discuss this. You will find suggestions if you search on this site.
My daughter has play dates and supervises the kids so she can intervene with comments at the time or (as the kids got older) afterwards. She praises al I the positive aspects and uses a coaching approach. Lots of praise and support.
Agreed with ADHDude. We used him with our son. Also small town, though a bit bigger than you. I practiced conversation with him and really had to get on him at home about asking if someone wanted to hear about x and not just talking at people. It's helped but he'll never be the most popular kid in school.
Look up the PEERS program. I think its for older kids, but comes recommended. Stay away from electronics as my kid buried all her worries in electronics and it made it so much worse. dive deep into what HE is interested in, and find some programs. I pushed sports for too long and my kid was not into sports. I should have done more Art as that is her passion. Its a journey. I got a parent coach bec my expectations were too high. Try lots of positive encouragements.
Thank you for your suggestions. Unfortunately, my kids is a computer guy. That is what he is into. I often am torn between keeping the screen time minimized but without preventing him from doing what he loves most. He plays online with friends also, which are actually his most positive relationships. I think it's something he needs in order to feel confident since school is so difficult. He is also a very active member in his cub scouts and that gets him outside and around boys who have similar interests, so I'm trying to balance the two completely conflicting interests! haha... I wish I were at school with him to help facilitate those relationships. I am in the process of adding to his 504 to get some more social services to help support him in the school setting. I can only do so much without being there.
I suggest doing more research specifically on screen time, gaming and ADHD. My experience - Casey is 15 now, and I know looking back, I messed up giving her broad access to computers and phones. She lived in a fantasy world and it took a lot of time and $$ to recover. Best.
Your kiddo can learn social skills with online gaming. I coach my kid and give her one goal with each interaction and it helps. Definitely using interests will help them socialize, including gaming. Definitely ask cub leader if there’s anything you can do, and ask them if they can do x,y,z with kid and do quick redirection. Usually if kid finds similar interests, peers there will have similar social skills. My partner does table top rpg (basically like dungeons and dragons) and it helped him learn so many skills in social turn taking, etc that I wish I learned, but my gaming was all one player. My kid has gaming online and she’s learning social skills that way.
I love the idea of 504 adjustments. I need to add social skills on my daughters too. Maybe ask if he can work with a school social worker, or if there are social groups through the school counselor (I work in special education and can bounce ideas). Don’t fee you are failing g kid with games, just make sure they are in communal space and you can hear it to coach the interactions.
I definitely keep an ear out when he is playing online. I like the idea of giving him a social goal every time he gets online with a friend. I will definitely be using that! I'm still learning too! Thanks for your input!❤️
Great question. My 15 year old with ADHD gets along with lots of kids, and has friends through sports, but he really only has one friend at high school that he hangs out with. He often says things without speaking and can be prone to interrupting and being overly pedantic. We do our best to encourage him to do things with friends, but its not easy. He does have a twin sister who he is close with, so that keeps him from being even more isolated.
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Lonely little boy
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