Finally, after 2 months my sons classroom has secured a permanent sub until their real teacher is back. To say the lease, it’s been a struggle between constant phone calls and emails about my 9 year olds behavior has been stressful. We have a 504 / behavior meeting and I wanted to ask the community what are some good questions to ask. You see my son is a sweet, loving but argumentative and defensive kid and it’s not his fault, we are working on his executive functions and I am trying to rationalize everything the school is saying but he is constantly being blamed even though there is always 2 sides to every thing.
I would appreciate it if the community share some advice and suggestions on how I can approach this meeting. My goal is for the teacher to walk away learning to accept and understand my son better and have patience and for my son to understand his role in all of this!
thank you !
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Nebrat526
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These meetings are far more "pragmatic" than you describe. To me, it doesn't matter if the teacher "understands" my son, as long as she implements the accommodations needed to provide him with same opportunity to learn and benefit from his success that a child without his disability. This is what the 504 requires. If finances are not a hindrance, I would recommend you book one hour with a special education lawyer well in advance of the meeting with the sole purposes of being educated on the process and requirements. Knowing the difference between and IEP (and the IDEA) and a Section 504 Plan (and the Rehabilitation Act of 1973), what is and is not required of the public school and what you can do to enforce compliance with your son's plan is invaluable. Most of us wouldn't got to car dealership without educating ourselves on values and interests rates, yet we walk into something as important as a 504 meeting without similar preparation. Even if finances are an obstacle to preparation, call the lawyer anyway. Theirs is not lucrative work; they do because they are passionate about the cause. Plus, they have the appropriate level of cynicism having seen much and the levels to which schools will got to deprive these kids of what they need to succeed. In other words, maybe you wouldn't be charged. It's certainly worth trying (even if the charge you, I guarantee it will be a fraction of the cost of whatever device you typed your post with). Make whatever analogy works for you to understand the importance of knowing the procedures. If your child's academic success depended upon your ability to play basketball, you would never step on the court without first learning the rules. Think of the 504 meeting the same way.
At the very least, click on my profile and glance at some of my prior responses describing the procedures and my experience with them (which, in our case, culminated in a switch to private school where my son thrives). Good luck to you. Be well.
Thank you for your response I wasn’t able to connect with a lawyer because our meeting was yesterday. However, from the beginning it was about my sons behavior, his defiance to the teacher and my son was there as well. His perspective was he couldn’t understand a lesson and rather than speaking up and saying i don’t understand this can you help, he would push back and say I can’t do it or I’ll do it later. Since we cracked his language code we both understood if he does push back it’s simply because he doesn’t understand the lesson and needs help. Fingers cross she takes the time to do that. One thing that bothered me was the vice principal aka the 504 facilitator said “well we have tons of students who have adhd and they listen and sit” I quickly corrected her and said she can’t put all these students into one umbrella and assume they are all the same. I said they all have certain strengths and weaknesses that make them unique in their abilities. My son clearly can’t sit still I said it’s nothing he can control at the moment but we can figure out ways to help him minimize that, he has a hard time listening, ok let’s figure out how we can help him. So I came out with a suggestion on a checklist for him dusky that sits in from it him rather than he getting overwhelmed with looking at the white board because “all the steps and instruction are on there for them to see”. I suggested a timer for times worksheets to help him stay on track. A punch card reward system for the end of the week. I did my best to be my sons advocate and realized when I asked if she had anything positive to say she couldn’t really say much which was upsetting. It is a work in progress and it’s also a new journey for my son and I.
Hi. That all sounds familiar. Rather than me writing a long response, please look at some of my old responses which address the "motivations" of the public schools, the frustrating positions you faced, and some of the "hacks" I picked up along the way. The good thing about your meeting is you may have come away with a healthy level of cynicism and understanding that as long as they try to make your child the problem, the feel justified in not changing (which is their desire). I always found it helpful to insert "paraplegia" in place of ADHD in my mind. It makes it much easier to see the absurdity of the school's positions toward ADHD. "Well, we have tons of students who [are paraplegic] and they all take the stairs!" Just silly. Good luck to you. I will help you any way that I can.
it’s hard to hear these stories and know the road that lies ahead for the next many years with my own son. I think the vice principal saying that phrase was extremely inappropriate. She sounds like she is in the wrong profession. Since when did saying “I can’t do it” or “I’ll do it later” become defiance? I’m glad that you were able to advocate for him and explain that these are his ways of showing frustration or overwhelm. We’re only in first grade and I can see the huge impact the teacher has on my son’s experience at school. Kindergarten was amazing, first grade is not bad, but definitely not as invested in helping my son. Don’t be afraid to keep them accountable! This is part of their job as educators. Bravo to you!
I agree—-typically “I can’t do it” or “I’ll do it later” is a kid’s way of saying the work is difficult, they need help, they don’t want to do it because it’s so hard—-or it’s just not interesting right now. Also, sometimes “defiant” behavior (I’m not saying her son has this) can actually be a sign of anxiety, stress. even insufficient communication skills to say what’s needed. Our daughter with ASD/ID/significant speech delay will sometimes yell “no!” or “I don’t want to!” And actually what she really means is “Mommy, I’m worried I can’t do that worksheet because it’ll be too hard and I will fail at it.” Then I remind her I’m going to do it with her and we take deep breaths etc. But it takes time & patience & lots of trial and error to sort this out.
Wow. I am really disappointed that a vice principal would say something so unprofessional in a meeting. I don’t mean to sound naive. I’m just stunned someone would actually say that. Has your son had additional evaluation for learning or processing difficulties or additional issues? And are you willing to try medication for ADHD if non-medication strategies haven’t helped him make progress? Just wondering what things you have tried. Also, at least in my district, I would generally start with an educational advocate before having a special education attorney come to a meeting. I would consider consulting an attorney only if I had used an advocate to no avail. I would not disclose that I was pondering or using an attorney unless I absolutely had to. My 2 cents only—definitely am no expert!
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